Just a side note about the origins of the mohawk on Franklin Street. Parents up and down the block colluded to allow them, provided that once the thrill was gone, it would all come off. Little did we know that was the aim all along. High and tight. Well played mom, dad. Well played indeed.
I had no clue what I wanted to be at five and am still figuring it out at five plus sixty one. No matter. I am loving life as it has turned out to be for me. I am learning new things, trying new things, making copious amounts of mistakes, trying again, letting go and just letting Him.
So in a few, the Christmas lights will be coming down, as will a buckthorn, I can see if more daffodils are poking through the dirt and family is on the way for the night.
I did a lot in my life and intend to do even more.
I am not going to attempt to assign my seat on a pedestal by claiming to know this. I typically fly economy, no pajamas, if that is even a thing anymore. I cannot speak for or to others’ view on this. But I can speak for myself and share some of the many things I just don’t understand. Sorry friends, just doing what the prompt tells me to do.
So let’s just say this, I don’t understand the privileged titling process that allows certain individuals to disregard the posted speed limit, all traffic signals, maintaining safe space between vehicles and proper lane usage on the highway or anywhere.
Maybe this is something you buy on the internet? Some kind of rewards thingee, for being cool? A sticker for your car that tells the police they can drive like this? This whole driving schtick these days has me flummoxed. But I digress….
What I don’t understand is why I allowed others to assign my value, tell me my worth and define me. All this ever accomplished was creating an internal need for me to be everything, handle everything and do everything. Oh, and be graded on my performance. Been trying to figure that one out for some time now.
Not so much on how to handle it these days, I have put in the effort to give that a dirt nap. Now it is more so noticing the red flags, recognizing the situations and sensing the phrases or attitudes that do their best to create these wonderful scenarios.
My nature though is to take it several steps farther. Determine why it ever happened and when it first became my MO. I doubt this is something that comes from the factory, preinstalled like the heated seats and back-up boob tube. I believe it was learned. And why I learned it, and what that class was really about are things I need to understand
Well, I don’t need to save quarters and look for pay phones to call clients about being lost or late.
Toll booths are gone. Parking meters?
Used to be a great way to disperse pennies. Now they are lacking in number these days,
Used to get into car, listen to radio, go to a diffferent address, talk, argue, laugh, plan and be face to face. Actually be on the floor to see something made. Helped load it onto a truck and watched them leave. Called for a tracking number. Went back and did it all over again.
Knocked on doors. Cold call.
Remote?
Now, pretty much all of that fits in my back pocket.
Hence, “no” is harder for me to utter than supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. It would actually be fantastic or wonderful to decline more often than I accede. But alas, that is still a work in progress.
As far as its impact on goals are concerned, I think uttering “no” isn’t a goal protectant as much as it is a personal protectant.
In terms of striving for a goal, a firm “no” here and there could provide help for one to maintain intention, focus and momentum. If not possible, it’s been my experience that a set back here and there actually add to the end accomplishment. More intensity becomes the weapon of choice to get back in sync and finish. Plus, the accompanying zig-zags still produce valuable lessons and knowledge. Like matter, nothing is ever wasted. You just have to adapt to the changes in form.
As in the case of the goal, a personal protectant “no” issued from a point of self-honesty, -awareness and -love could very well add to what is yet to follow as well. Additional intensity in this case is not the requisite. Copious amounts of self-acceptance can help reset the tone. You still have an opportunity to learn, but now it can be absent the pressure to over-perform and represents a chance to remain fully in the moment,.
In terms of striving for, lets call it personal well being, a well placed “no” would actually halt a perceived obligation that you feel you need to keep giving “what you no longer have”, “are no longer able”, or that “you never could in the first place.”
If your intention is to maintain a modicum of peace and serenity in your life and soul, then “no” is a start. Despite the fact that something inside may press you to pack that word away permanently, it is not a sign of selfishness to stick up for yourself, know when the tank is depleted and simply say it. Then take five. Or ten.
It is very difficult for me to say those two letters together.
I wrote the book on boundary-less over-functioning. (lots of hyphens in this one. yikes!) Not sure how the compulsion began, where I found it or why I need to be that way. But it sure taught me some tough lessons. Bruises remain. But I am healing.
To frame it as I did regarding goals, saying “no” needs to be expressed when you finally just can’t. You can ultimately maintain intention, focus and momentum that carries you to bigger and better things not just for you, but for all.
So I can still be there for those that are in need.
But I have to be aware that mine are important too.
Honestly, I do not think this can really be considered a secret skill or ability. For me, it is akin to something more along the lines of self-honesty. Coinciding with that all elusive power, a better sense of self-awareness, more self-discipline and finally, some much needed self-love.
I think the latter three tend to nourish the former one. All four woven into one, becoming a constant source of health, acceptance and peace. Alas, for the most part, all are of more recent vintage. They seemed to have been missing for quite a while.
Because now that I look back at things, perhaps the original secret skill or ability was an altogether all encompassing pattern of self-deception.
If you go about things convinced you know what you are doing, you are right, and you really do not have to listen as much as you speak, well, that pretty much says it all. The only thing I actually lacked was a costume. A piece of garb I could jump into when my secret skills were in operation and out there for full display. That would have completed the charade.
Wait.
I was kidding about the uniform. Didn’t really need to change into something else to make that ability stand out and command attention. It was already fairly evident. Come to think of it, a cloaking device would have been handy. Some method I could employ to actually hide from my innate ability to employ them on a daily basis. Just wonder why I never saw what I am sure was obvious to those around me.
Hence the need for better self-awareness. But I digress….
There is a serenity and peace to be found in intentionally engaging in self-honesty. Opens all sorts of doors that had been nailed and/or bolted shut pretty much through out my existence. If you actually acknowledge self-honesty as a valued character trait in lieu of a mortal combatant, the awareness follows.
Guarded by discpline.
All nourished by some genuine love for one-self.
What blankets you then is a protective sense that you are worthy and valued just as you are becoming. Talk about serenity and peace. Man. If there is a secret ability, then that is what I found to be the one for me.
...my temporary assignment. 