Forever in action. Many times traveling a multitude of paths, multiple directions or suddenly, seeming to come to rest. Every nuance, alteration, and conception isn’t random. They are meant for a reason. Though not always understood at the time.
And nothing is ever wasted.
You may elect to throw experiences into some heap labeled misgivings, misfortunes or mistakes. You may try to disguise them, disregard them or disrespect them. And yet, it was part of the curriculum. Its existence is essential. Textbook. And a part of the finishing.
Travelling back to reminisce and be reminded is prudent. But do not overbook your stay. Venturing ahead between your ears tends to distract from what is already right there in your midst. To be honest, how can you be where you aren’t already now?
Something dawned on me a day or so ago regarding an oft used expletive.
It seems to explain a sense of dismissal, mockery and ultimately degradation regularlybencountered of late. Well, not of late, pretty much for decades. It is just that now, this particular perspective may help create a path not just toward deeper understanding, but avoidance on multiple levels. A deeper honesty in the context of thought, word and deed.
Six letters in total, the first being “F” and the last being “U”, constructed to create two words generally employed to incite, demean, diminish, create an aura of false bravado and shock others. These days, seems like that combination is thrown about in a perpetual motion, no matter the setting. Wonder what those in the field of semantics have to say about that. Heck, the language I grew up knowing? It is pretty much gone.
Sorry, back to the point.
When I would tell someone I was committed, going to do it, take care of it, follow up on it, handle it , assume responsibility for it and make it happen – but didn’t – I was essentially conveying those two words back to the receiver. Indirectly. Yet purposefully. With the warmth of purpose.
Same with saying I would listen, would try to understand, be patient, work with them, remain in contact, stand with them, help in any way I could – but didn’t. Subtly, yet delivered in a falsely comforting and empathetic manner.
How about acting like I knew it all, was never wrong, had the best way through and out, had done it all before, you cannot handle this and you need to get out the way so I can again? A flagrant confirmation of those two words, but now illustrated through some machismo theatrics.
So what brought this to mind?
Finally realizing and appreciating what it was like to be on the receiving end of it. I now find it to be the best way to describe a thought process designed to dismiss, mock and degrade another, through your “well intentioned” promissory thoughts, words and deeds, meant to inflate you while deflating the other.
Indirectly, subtly, flagrantly, in action. In person. It is essentially, F – – – Y- – . But with a smile and a comforting arm around the shoulder.
Stealing the wind from their sails, so you can drive your misguided adventure.
What are you willing to do – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually – to make this how you live. Akin to making your bed in the morning. In my view, it is not at all about what you do. Moreso, it is entirely about who you become.
A little about me.
Challenged by bulk my entire life. Rigorous activity took command of it when circumstances were amenable to it. Or shall I say, I made room to allow those circumstances to appear.
Running and cycling were two of my favorites, and still are. But just not physically possible any longer. Thank you football ! I like doing the circuit training I created for PF. Trying to work that into days again is the obstacle. During Covid, I flipped a tractor tire up and down a football field for several months. Yard work is good for the core. Shoveling snow too. I love doing physical work.
Taken steps, literally, to raise the fitness level here. First, began walking with a weighted vest. Already need something heavier. The distance is increasing – already in the three to four mile range – so I will now focus on quickening the pace. In time, I think I could walk to PF, hit the circuit and walk home. That would be ideal.
Eating is being addressed as well.
Really into Cheerios, bananas and 1% milk in the morning. Some yogurt, even plain 0% is yummy to me. Lots of veggies – digging tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots and peppers raw – with or without yogurt dip.
My snack driving from client to client? Hard boiled eggs. Salad burritos are good too. Never really a soda guy, cut way down on toast, steak once a quarter, mostly chicken, pork and fish. Pasta the way my bestie makes it is to die for. Maybe a burger on the grill once in a while. Tacos with black beans in the meat. Cut back on the tortilla chips.
All is in place to make progress, with the exception of increasing the portion size of the exercise while finding the correct level for portion size when I am hungry. That is happening.
But it is all a building process.
As I suggested, it is not at all about what you do.
Moreso, it is entirely about who you become
And in that I have always been a work in progress.
...my temporary assignment. 