In a conversation with some close friends, the subject of service came up. A most cherished topic of mine. It embodies in it an enduring, genuine and selfless trait. An attribute that creates a lasting and limitless transformation on all those enjoined in the experience. Through service. Adopting an attitude of servanthood. Assuming the mantle of servant leadership.
In today’s gospel reflection, Bishop Barron shared one of his most compelling perspectives of embracing a spiritual being. That of “the loop of grace.” The notion that we return the favor of grace which we received from Him, to those around and about us. Never from a transactional mindset or manner, but only as our gift to others. As we are graced by His love for us, so too should we be the exemplar by returning that gift. Looping His grace back towards others with this level of love.
But somehow, things can tend to get manipulated, distorted and taken out of context. Doctrine can become dogma and ego can become a weapon to smite and control. But when all is said and done, He simply loves us. And wants to be a part of our life.
Couldn’t we just return that gift to others in service of His grace to us?
I have found great joy in reading the gospel each morning in three different versions, emailed to me overnight. Each provides one with some key insights to ponder for the day to come and really gets those creative juices flowing. As you can probably tell. Presenting me with words I was kind of aware of, thought I understood, but really did not know from Adam.
Sorry. Helps sustain my humerous daddus affliction. But I digress…
This morning in the first reading of 1 Maccabees 2:15-29, there was a retelling of the enforcement of a king’s apostasy and Mattathias’ reaction.
Akin to the mother and her seven sons and how they chose the after life in lieu of an affirmation of not only a false prophet but false view of life.
I went back to “apostasy” and discovered the origins, the Greek word “apostasia” meaning “defection, rebellion or abandonment”. Recalling my fondness for Etymology class with Mr. Paris in high school back in the 70’s, I went a little deeper. Who knew today would start with some archeology.
“Apostasia” is formed from a prefix “apo” meaning “away from” and the verb “histemi” meaning “to stand”. “Thus, the literal meaning is to stand away from”.
Since this was first written long, long ago it has taken on a variety of meanings each of which are related to discarding ones faith. At this moment of of my personal reclamation project, however, I prefer to apply it from its original, literal meaning.
“To stand away from”.
My apostasia involves standing away from the ill conceived habits and thoughts that took me away from my true self. Beholding the notion that I had all of the answers and that I could do everything for everybody. Equipped with the double edged sword that is ego, I wounded humility for the sake of pride. All of which simply made me an island, surrounded by an ocean that ebbed with low self esteem and flowed with no forgiveness.
But as I have increasingly sacrificed the tenets of a choices poorly made and a life ill lived, a true fellowship beckons. One that called to the mother and seven sons. One that touched Mattathias and the multitudes of those that have followed. Removing me from a self-designed poverty and enriching me with an altogether serene and peaceful wholeness.
You may not realize it at first, but when you simply let go and stand away from what you were, you can genuinely become what you are meant to be.
My “apostasia” began with moving away from being alone as self-induced outcast. It has since evolved into allowing Him in and truly living.
Today’s reflection shared a story of a mother and her seven sons from the book of 2 Maccabees 7:1, 20-31. They were being tormented, tortured and murdered by Antiochus, one by one, one in front of the other, because they would not give themselves up to what he said they needed to be. Despite his vain offers of false glory, prestige, standing and power, to a person they deferred and accepted their end on earth so that they may live on in eternity.
I don’t think it is so much that I am looking for new meanings in things I hear or read. After spending much of my life headed in my direction, because I wanted to, of course because I am right and the rest of you can deal with it, let’s just say that my commanding, know it all inner Antiochus voice now has some truly loving company. Offering a more compelling way of living out my days.
When you hear things in that tone and tenor, it is like taking a deep breath, taking a step back, removing the “life vision goggles” and experiencing the moment as it truly is.
Wonderful.
That is, wonder-full.
The voice of Antiochus that had ruled my way of being and was intent on doing so for the rest of it has faded into the noise of the background. Another, that had been patiently waiting in the wings has resonated in my soul and spirit, in a symphony of love and understanding. It is that voice I now hear. One that has overcome the cacophony of selfishness, ego and self-righteousness.
So you can never really know when something totally life changing will occur. The latest one for me was today at about 7:29 AM, in the kitchen, watching the sun come up. With any luck, maybe there will be a return engagement later this morning, afternoon or tonight when the stars come out.
The Antiochus’ in your life may seem to be all powerful. But they consist of the things you really need not possess to fully live.
“The greatness of the man’s power is the measure of his surrender.”
― William Booth
Being that William, an English Methodist preacher, along with his wife Catherine founded the Salvation Army, I would contend that “power” in this context aligns in part with Merriam & Webster: “the ability to act or produce an effect; specifically : an ability that seems extraordinary or superhuman.” Think about what they together created and shared with the world.
Yet I suspect that Mr. Booth and his wife were touched more by the power of the Holy Spirit, choosing to pursue a godly life, embracing and enduring hardship, and performing selfless acts of service, wonder and love.
That is the power that can only be discovered in surrender. Full out. Though at first it may feel like all you can do is dip your toe in it, there is nothing but merit to be realized once you just jump in.
If you think about it, more often than not, in a sense, you have already sunk. There is not much of an existence to be had living on the bottom. Being fully surrendered brings you up, back to the top, ready to be in the light and live as you were meant to live.
Salvation as it were.
Part of a loving army of men and women pursuing a godly life, embracing and enduring hardship and performing selfless acts of service, wonder and love.
...my temporary assignment. 