Having said what I said prior, I would not pick another fictional animal or anything to be my lifelong companion.
Being that I am strving to eliminate that side of me, I am really not that interested in make believe anymore.
Sorry, but you need to hop along now.
If you had to switch lives with a fictional character for a week, who would you choose?
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Funny how the prompts of late seem to focus on villains and heroes, characters, fictional versus the non variety. I would never speak for any of you, but this is strangely similar to other instances from the past. Moments where it almost seemed as though attention was somehow focused upon me. Not as the precursor to accolade. Moreso evidence that change was in process and it was best for me to hear, see and feel it.
If I am not present, then I am not here. Thinking of a past transgression – mine or others – or looking too far ahead and getting way out over my skis. If I am not present, then I could miss out on hints, suggestions and truths that wind and find their way into my purview. Offerings and gifts that are truly meant for my sustenance, benefit and life. I am finding that if I just stay where I am, they surface and blanket me.
We talk about our fellowship nearly each day, and once the subject of gratitude appeared. I chose to cling to the idea that gratitude is an honest awareness of what you have. Right here. Right now. Not what I am going to have delivered by an overworked shipping agent, that promotion I sure as heck deserve and better get, the bucket list of things I just have to do and acquire to live a full life, or wishing I did everything different all over again.
Gratitude is knowing, appreciating and holding onto all that is part of you right now. That simple act is not stagnant. It is truly vibrant. It lives. It breathes. And since I have decided to share in its atmosphere and breathe its life giving air, things happen. Thoughts come. Connections are made. Life becomes real. Love beyond any and all imagination is felt.
Back to the prompt.
Pretty much my entire life has been portrayed by a fictional character. When we were growing up, my brother Glenn and I used to go by a secret identity. We put a tremendous amount of thought aand effort into these clandestine monikers. He became Nnelg. Me? Kram. Brilliant, huh.
Later in life, mostly due to appearance, attitude and demeanor, he morphed into Genghis and I, Attila. The Hahns. As you can tell, the whole pun thing is pretty much genetic. It’s in our jeans.
Perhaps my fictional characters were Kram Nhah and Attila the Hahn, two lost souls that never really knew who they were, choosing to live a life of fiction. For the most part, I have been engaged in that. Far more than a week.
Of late, I have become better acquainted with something and someone real. His presence is invited and warmly welcomed. And for that, he is most grateful.
Meet Mark.
Mark Hahn.
Have you ever liked a villain more than the hero? Who and why?
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Interesting consideration.
To be honest, my bald noggin went the Looney Tunes/Tex Avery way on this one. There was something about the Martian, the dog catcher and the bull dog in those that supplanted Bugs and Droopy. Too bad Guardian caps weren’t invented while I was on the gridiron. But I digress……
Then as I got into this query some, a revelation of sorts spoke to me. Perhaps there of those of you that feel like me on this one.
But in certain respects, I have played both roles over the course of my life. Wait, assumed the identity of each. In my estimation, the villain, with some affinity, moreso than the hero. Part of my twisted, wait – completely broken – perception of myself.
That I wasn’t capable of much more than letting myself, and then others, down. I was the bad guy. Maybe not to the level of Heath Ledger’s Joker. But nothing to write home about.
I liked that guy enough, I guess, to see some random, heroic efforts here and there. But within an instant, any modicum of good done by Forest was likely erased by that highly judgemental fellow from the dark side.
With the guidance, support and love of others, and a much higher power, I have been able to view these disparate roles in a totally different light. Self beat downs have ceased. Seeing the good has increased. And smiling is still a work in progress.
I began to appreciate the fact that they were actually one in the same. Each with their own traits. Each with room for improvement.
Nothing truly villainous.
Just didn’t recognize that character I chose to mask.
Someone truly heroic.
Myself.
.
What’s the best advice you’d give to someone younger than you?
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There isn’t one single piece that can cover all the bases. Just isn’t possible. Life ain’t that way.
Especially now. Nothing is or can be simple.
But I will do my best.
One tenet I hold dear is embrace risk in a healthy fashion.
I think many, across all generations, tend to think that when some chosen path happens to lead to a cult de sac, then, it was just a waste of time, talent and treasure. Nothing can be further from the truth. All that was experienced during that time essentially became an extension of you. It’s not like it is some outfit you can put into a garbage bag and drop off at Goodwill. Nothing is ever wasted. It should be regarded as a treasured resource. Given solely to you.
Another that I need to truly need to hear is forgive yourself.
Akin to the preceding morsel, trying and failing does not make you a failure. It is a display of courage, evidence of intention and witness to vulnerability. All vaunted qualities.that can somehow morph into a sense of worthlessness, total inability and just plain being a loser. Then, surround yourself with those that only corroborate your remorse, or worse, denigrate you and the outcome. The possibility of any modicum of forgiveness or hope for that matter, is gone or nil at best.
Welcome an attitude of gratitude.
My sense is that gratitude is simply an awareness of the good that currently permeates life. Simple things that get overlooked, are ignored or are simply misunderstood. Getting distracted by some of the worldly objects and ego or pride driven decisions blinded me to what really matters. I am sure others have experienced the same. Remove the blinders, pull out the buds and be present to all surrounding you. Talk about true serenity.
Lastly, there is this piece I would like to offer up for consideration.
One that truly holds me dear now that I have come to fully accept and embrace it.
Finally.
Just be honest. Beyond oneself and unto others. This begets trust. Faith. And ultimately belief. All the way around.
Then, you can truly be.
Yourself.
What’s one thing that would instantly improve your city?
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Ice cream.
You scream.
We all scream.
For ice cream!
