Tag Archives: personal-development

Without me.

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Daily writing prompt
What makes a good leader?
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Upon some reflection over the past few days, I think it is presence.

Being there for others physically is very important. The language that only the body can speak is crucial in certain situations and circumstances. That settling stature when calm is needed to overcome a tempest. Rolling up the sleeves and getting after it with the team to help lessen a stressful load.

A firm, loving, parental engagement when discipline is called for and correction is needed. A hand on the back, an arm around the shoulder or a smile when the feces hits the fan. Joining in with your own lame, success dance when things exceed expectations.

As a leader, it is crucial that others get to know you in this fashion. From the outside in. Authenticity is meant to be just that. Anything feigned on the outside will only reveal what is actually going on within. The two cannot be at odds with one another.

Quite literally, “what you see absolutely has to be what you get.” Any acting on the part of a leader will be seen precisely as that. A dishonest delivery will be seen by all. This isn’t about the academy taking notice. It is about supporting, affirming and growing those around you.

That being said, a leader must possess an equally visible, palpable and honest appearance in a somewhat metaphysical or spiritual sense.

We all operate and are guided by a personal philosophy. A foundation that was poured as we were raised, renovated by every experience encountered and reinforced by how we chose to respond to them. From a leadership standpoint, the bar then gets raised substantially. For how we see ourselves is largely going to dictate how we view others and what we see in them.

If you are convinced that you know it all, have to control everything and that no one on your team can do it as well as you, those around you will recognize that approach in you. The terse tone, the commanding body language, direct sentence structure and the development of leadership cliques will make your “style” quite apparent. Unless you recruit a group of indivudals that have no sense of value or worth, have been shamed their entire existence and are willing to be bullied, then you can pretty much hang up your leader hat.

A leader recognizes that his time is temporary. That he or she will move on to another challenge or different phase of life. That being said, it is incumbent on the leader to learn of the talents and aspirations that surround them, and acknowledge what they lack themselves so that all can contribute in a genuine and lasting way to the growth and success of the group. And one another.

This tone, the open body language, inclusive sentence structure and coaching of leadership radiates through all. The genuine care and support are felt not only within the group, but ripples out. Those on your team express their gratitude and experience to others, funneling potential recruits towards the group. They not only want what is best for themselves, but they also want the same for others in their lives.

This is humility plain and simple.

An admission that I am in need of all of you to achieve what it is we set out to do. I am not able to do this alone. I do not have the talents, skills and drive that we have together. And I am not going to be here forever. Ultimately, my “job” is to help you to grow into a position that you can all work and learn to lead yourselves.

Without me.

That of life.

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I have long contended that football is the game of life.  Being a player, like all of you, I am familiar with the challenges, discomfort and anxiety that can come with it.  

The challenges of overcoming an opponent or task bigger than you think are. The discomfort that comes along with such a seemingly endless physical, mental and emotional effort whether it be practice or game.  And the anxiety that accompanies not knowing the exact outcome of your work, being unsure you are doing it exactly right, fearing you are not enough and God forbid, you make a mistake. 

Speaking from a common experience, if you play football, you are already living outside of your comfort zone.  In football terms being a resident of the O-Line, some of you are at the first level.  Others have moved towards the second.  Still fewer, the third.  And yet to be conquered, is the 4th level.  

On extremely rare occasions can one go from one to four.  That’s like a lottery ticket.  Perhaps you can get to level three from one, if things are just right.  But more often than not, you cannot skip steps, avoid work and wish your way into achievement.  You need to work your way up and through each one to reach level four.  The end zone.

You see, if you want to achieve the things you truly value and aspire to, you have to get used to being uncomfortable.  Not just in the fall.  But the year round.  You have to commit and fully invest in embracing that sense of being challenged, some sense of discomfort and the anxiety that may accompany being unsure what is going to happen.  

Again, speaking as a football player like you, living out of your comfort zone turns out to be the best place you can be.  It promotes growth, confidence, perseverance, faith  and a chance to become all you were meant to be.  Whether it is school, your first job, college or pursuing your passion, you cannot go from level one to four.  You must find work and make your way up that field, whatever it is.

Doing the things that ultimately take you to life’s end zone.  

So that being said, let me offer a challenge.  

For whatever reason, this one play causes a great deal of angst and worry.  Most likely because it doesn’t give you a definitive assignment like the other plays.  It just calls on you to all move towards the play as one, sealing off the LOS and moving to the second level. Vague I know.  But you run it to perfection against cans in practice.  But against bodies, you shrink, second guess and cringe about making a mistake.  

How about getting out of your comfort zone on this one?  

Better yet, get out of it for the whole game. 

Embrace the challenges, discomfort and anxiety.  I bet you will find that endzone more than a couple of times in those four quarters.  And when all is said and done, you will know that you gave it your all no matter what.  That in itself counts as a win.  

Stands to reason you could go 2-0 on Friday then. 

And keep the winning streak alive in the weeks, months and years to come if you learn the value of being uncomfortable. 

Think about it. 

As you work your way towards another end zone. 

That of life.

Positively habit forming.

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“Excellence is not a gift but  a skill that takes practice. We do not act ‘rightly’ because we are ‘excellent’.  In fact we achieve ‘excellence’ by acting ‘rightly’.

Plato

Acting rightly is never the result of flipping some internal switch.  You do not wake up one morning to find yourself transformed into the epitome of excellence. 

And yet, you do house some of the infrastructure that can become the mechanisms needed to learn, develop and hone this particular life skills set. As long as you can follow direction, accept input, both externally and internally driven, and handle some of the disappointments that come your way, you should be in a good position to assemble a diverse and deep array of habits.

You see, achieving excellence is all about acquiring habits. 

Habits that can last a lifetime.  Habits that create a positive and lasting impact on you and those around you.  And for a habit to take firm hold in your life, it needs reps.  Not one, two a dozen or a gross.  The habit acquisition process needs to be constant and committed.  Certain and ceaseless. Ongoing and unremitting. 

Self-discipline is an invaluable friend, confidant and ally throughout this process. Enabling you to follow directives, both external as well as internal.  It reinforces the assembly process as you create the personal mechanisms that lead to the creation of excellence. 

Self-discipline keeps you with and on the program.  Finishing “this” before you start “that”. Holding you right “here” in the present while shedding just enough light on what may lay ahead as to keep your head up and eyes down that path. Focused on the here and now, inspired by what is yet to come.  

If you have the right mindset about this venture, then there will be nothing burdensome about the effort and journey whatsoever.  Its purpose is to lead you.  To create the trajectory that will direct you to become what you were meant to be and where you were meant to go. 

In time, your actions will rightly lead you to excellence. 

One of the best versions of self-inducement.

Positively habit forming.

Circumstance

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“Let a man radically alter his thoughts, and he will be astonished at the rapid transformation it will affect in the material conditions of his life. Men imagine that thought can be kept secret, but it cannot; it rapidly crystallizes into habit, and habit solidifies into circumstance. “   – James Allen

A truly keen insight. 

Thought, habit and circumstance. A pattern of interconnected consequence which creates a lasting resonance.  Entirely and utterly accountable to you alone.  And in certain respects, this pattern of interconnected consequence reveals how your character becomes woven directly into a  pursuit of excellence.

As you make your way along this path, it would be prudent to honestly discern and conduct an assessment oneself.

What pattern of thoughts tend to hold you back? Is it fear? Of beginning? That it somehow isn’t within you to start?

Or, is it the commitment once started ? That it is too much for you to see it through. To finish?

Perhaps it is more about the unknown. The possible, undesirable outcome that dogs you. The daunting spectres of disappointment. Discouragement. Disapproval. Defeat.

Maybe it is the fickleness of change. A need for security. The inability to trust. An aversion to honesty or criticism. Selfishness. Arrogance. Ego.

Misperceptions about the call for your leadership ?

Misconceptions about its demands for constant, unrelenting accountability, presence and effort?

Despite your efforts at concealment and containment, your thoughts rarely remain secret. 

Your thoughts and doubts are traitors. By word or deed, they make their way to the surface. 

A little here.  A little there.

Soon, all at once, you become an open book.  No longer private, your thoughts can come to govern each habit, control every action, impede any achievement and prohibit excellence, all in a very public manner.

Alter your thoughts from doubt to possibility and then you can alter your trajectory. 

So let the transformation begin.

Once thoughts crystallize into genuinely positive, productive and permanent habits, they will soon enjoin the effort to form your circumstance. A radical alteration of ones thoughts transforms the essence of ones life.

Circumstance becomes a product of habit.

And the outcome mirrors ones thoughts.

Inspirare.

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 “To breathe into.”

The things you think, say, do and pursue on a daily basis do not exist in a secluded environment. 

Somehow isolated from the outside world and everyone that inhabits it. You can be sure that there are always some unknown quantity of ears straining to hear your words. Eyes abound that are trained on your reaction, response and conduct in all manner of circumstance and situation. And the seeds bearing the example of your character in action are being planted within others.  

Inspiration breathes life into all. 

In some fashion, whether you realize it or not, you are delivering your own brand of inspiration to others on a daily basis.  Moment upon moment. In flesh and bone.  You can choose to be an exemplar of constant, committed and caring words and action. Intended to encourage greater effort, enthusiasm or creativity.  

You can be the embodiment of the type of  inspiration that moves others to improve, grow and strive to achieve beyond their present limits into what they were meant to be.  Able to awaken a particular feeling in another no matter the situation or circumstance.  

“To breathe into.”

It is well within your capability to be positive, persistent and passionate about your pursuit.  Genuine in your example.  Loving in your approach.  And willing to give up yourself in doing so.  

Lean into these aptitudes and fully embrace a deeper investment. Realize that you will be  raising-up far more than just some abstract  audience.  

Your thoughts, words and deeds respect no physical boundaries.  

There is no shelf life. 

Your persistence, positivity and passion ripples out in all directions.  

And some portion or particle of your  committed and loving efforts will touch many others.  

Breathing into all.  

Inspirare.