In addition to Bishop Barron’s Daily Gospel Reflection, I also subscribe to a couple of other faith based sites that help me start the day. Today, there was a very compelling offering, akin to some of the thoughts I have shared the past week or so.
“Have you noticed how quickly a single comment or glance can change how you feel about yourself? One compliment can lift you, one criticism can crush you. That’s because many of us are still looking into the wrong mirrors—letting others, or our own performance, define our worth.”Pray.com
Right on the money.
Both external and internal mirrors can reflect a distorted image. One that somehow confirms your perception of another’s view of your worth. And another that can corroborate one’s own belief that they simply lack any value whatsover.
If you can learn to ignore and block out that levek of noise, you will begin to hear something altogether different. A truth about you spoken from genuine love and support. He knows the best that is in you.
Beleive what is truly there and let it be seen by all. And you.
It’s not the guy on the left, and for sure the one on the right. Lillian and Carmen were some of my favorites, but they definitely were not animals.
The one in my brother’s arms is.
Babe.
The Wonder Dog.
Went to the Chicago Humane Society to check out puppies. She was one of a litter of about six or seven, the only one with a bobbed tail. She crawled out to me. That pretty much sealed the deal.
She and I became very close. She followed the rules, learned to sit, stay, shake, smile, speak and even whisper. Nothing was eaten without saying “OK” and Babe did not need a leash. She stayed right next to me no matter the distractions.
Being very protective, she took out a larger dog that went after her and the stroller one of my children was in. The suture bill for the aggressor was well worth it.
She would go on runs with me, play frisbee and loved being in the car. You couldn’t say ‘Walk” around her. You couldn’t even spell it. You had to say “W-L-A-K” or else she would pester you until you acquiesced. Pretty much same with rides in the car. You could fake her out on a trip to the vet until she recognized the street, and curled up in the seat.
She did not beg around the dinner table, staying on the rug by the door. She liked peanuts, and would hold them in her front paws and crack it open, then leave the shell on the floor. If a burger was left over, she would eat around the pickle and leave that there too. Loved bananas, apples and especially oranges. If mom went to the crisper for one, Babe would be there at her feet instantaneously, putting on the puppy face to get a slice.
In college, she would hang out with Herman and Ajax. After house parties, those three would sneak out of the room, find the overflow buckets under the taps in the basement and lap up some beer. When we finally woke up, we would find them sleeping it off in the living room.
Babe just wanted to play catch, with someone or by herself. During the winter trimester, she invented a game of self-toss using frozen puppy turds in the yard. She would run laps with one in her muzzle, flip it in the air, catch it and run another lap.
On more than one occasion, a student passing by would see her playing like this, unaware of the toy she was using. They would bend down, clap their hands and say “Come here!”, so they could throw it to her. She would run over, drop it in their hands and assume the puppy play position, front legs down, butt in the air, tongue hanging out and eyes on fire. As soon as they realized what it was, they couldn’t let go of it fast enough, rub their hands and walk off somewhat irritated. Babe would just pick it up and begin the play anew.
Squirrels were her favorite target of the chase. Driving home one day, Babe in the passenger seat and windows down, she spotted a squirrel running in a yard on the driver’s side. No problem. When we got to the stop sign, she jumped across me, out the window and went after it, until it found a tree. They are lucky she couldn’t climb.
Despite this wild side to her, she lived a long life. To 17. She began to wander off, so we had to make a very difficult decision. When I took her to the park for the last time, she spent her time reminiscing. You could sense that she knew. She was calm when we drove to the vet. And stayed right by me. I held her as she went to puppy heaven.
As I move forward in self reclamation, I find that past experiences and the words used to describe them have now, somehow become much more lucid. Nothing really made that much sense for the longest time. It just sort of was. Now, the only explanation I can relate to you is that it was found in the divine.
Initially, there was this strong, outward focused sense of resentment I not only harbored but protected for some reason, for a very long time. Perhaps strategic safeguarding was purposeful; a response to avoid personal responsibility and genuine self honesty. Then, the ego can remain untouched, intact and exonerated. Upon further reflection, this very well may be the impact of living with a rectal cranial inversion my whole life.
True, I resented others, situations and individuals, for what they allegedly did to me. Upon deeper and more genuine discernment, that just wasn’t the case. You see, the true culprit was not others, but me. I somehow came to embrace self-resentment. As if I was watching this guy – Mark – from the audience. Recognized him by his appearance, but didn’t know who I was, understand what I was able do, recognize how I was able to be or value anything I brought to the table.
To accomplish the tasks of self-resentment, I took my misconceptions, perceptions and aggressions into arenas that confirmed my illusions. Personally and professionally. Having others determine me because I was essentially clueless in that department. Not their doing. Mine. Driven by some apparition of what I was to myself.
Not quite sure how that all began or why, but it did left uncontrolled, running rough shod over me and my life until just about now. The path to understanding resentment initially led me to better understand my self-resentment. Then, I sensed the presence of a caring voice from within.
It directed me to self-awareness, self-perception and self-esteem. Things I had heard of, but never really invested the time to fully understand and embrace. Because I was ticked off about not being valued. Because I sought that from others. Because I didn’t like myself for not being valuable. Because I was consumed by total self-ignorance.
Another whisper from that same voice emerged. It told me I was valued, worthy, needed and loved. Not just once. But over and over. Listening led not only to better understanding, but actually recognizing those truths. Finally, by beginning to embrace all that was shared with me, resentment has now been shown the door. The “self” version was also included in that request. Though they may be taking their sweet time, the door will soon be closed.
Getting hugs from the young men I coached in football this fall before their wrestling meet last night.
Laying on the floor with my grandson, he crawls over, looks at me and gives me a head bump with his baby noggin. And then just holds it there.
Stopping over to meet my newest granddaughter for the first time, and having my son open the door with her in his arms and ask, “…so you want to hold her?”
Hearing from my buddies from highschool.
Dancing like a couple of dorks in the kitchen with my best friend.
Coming across friends that just listen and support. No matter what.
I think I get too focused on making it an event instead of just being fully in the moment. Making it into something is a distraction, essentially pulling you away from the bond of that instant. Just being all in, right there, makes all the difference in your life.
To take it one step further, I know shocking and totally out of character, connect the dots back to where it all started. For reasons yet to be understood, sometimes you just don’t truly understand your own value, worth and impact. That can become quite the obstacle, acting to ensnare you into bad choices, demeaning behaviors and dangerous directions.
Then those small moments happen. Somehow right when you could use it. Maybe you don’t realize you do, but they present themselves as a gift. And if you stay right where you are and accept it with an attitude of gratitude, some of the weight and worry come off, replaced with a warm sense of wonder.
You know what they say about coincidence, right?
He knows exactly what you need. When you need it most. If you can fully stay in that moment, you will feel what has been lacking. A true sense of worth and value in a way that casts an impression that remains forever. You will want more.
I have bins of old clothes and such that are in the next phase of their trip to Goodwill. There are pictures that will never be hung again, so they can can be disassembled, the frames going with the clothes to GW and the photos being filed away. Some personal collateral needs one final encounter, then needs to either stay or go. After that, not much to be honest. Don’t really have that much.
While the physical things have been contained in about six or so bins, the most prevalent resting places for true life clutter are not consigned to the basement storage area. The things I once collected are what has been left behind and what is just not here yet.
You can decide to shred the old letters, college papers, credit card records and the like and use it to fuel the fire pit. But the mistakes, poor judgement, character flaws and ego won’t fit into one. Perhaps a compactor, or a roll off dumpster. Or two to start in my case. That collection just needs to be let go of, allowed to evaporate into the ether.
The disorder that has yet to arrive, wishes written on a “to do” or kept in a “bucket” list can become just as distracting as those left behind. Taking you away from where you are, what you need to do, how you need to improve and why you need to change things up. That assortment can collide with recollections of the mistakes, poor judgement and the like, confirming the ill will that has come to clutter your view of your true self. Talk about a mess.
And yet if you stay where you are, fully in this moment, you will come to accumulate some amazing things. Peace and serenity for one. A sense that this is just where I need to be right now, totally engaged in the here and now. You will accumulate well being. Belonging. A sense of self. And most of all, joy.
As that collection begins to grow, you will better understand how those of the past needed to be experienced and endured to bring you here. And fundamental aspects of things not yet here will become known so that what you choose to do now eventually takes you there.
Firmly ensconced in the present, you will begin to accumulate the things of a life well lived.
...my temporary assignment. 