Tag Archives: mental-health

Granted by the gratuity of presence.

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Daily writing prompt
If you had to give one life-changing tip, what would it be?
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Giving a tip implies that I know what works. That my friends would be a very broad assumption on my part. Even dropping it down a few notches to “I know what works for me” is definitely a stretch.

But I can share one decision that has proven to be life changing for me. A common theme on this site of late when I seek to connect with each of you, whether prompt or “just because” driven.

Remaining present.

The past has served its purpose. And as the word suggests, it happened, it is over, and unless I somehow become H.G. Wells, and have that machine, there is no going back. Sapping my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual energy by focusing exclusively in that direction brings nothing but remorse, regret and isolation to me.

Thinking I am in control of what has yet to occur is another splendid avenue towards the same personally driven, intentional, downward spiral. I may think I have put every piece together that will eventually lead to that highly vaunted place, but things change. Others change. I change. An hour gone by has the potential to turn everything inside out.

And I am still not H.G.

So it is simply best for me to just remain right here.

Supplied with the wisdom earned from the past and the faith I am embracing that it will all work out, I can just be. Things can get hairy, or seem that way. But as a friend shared, “give it an hour and see where it has taken you.”

If that first one wasn’t enough, I give it sixty more minutes. Maybe another. I don’t try to convince myself that this is gonna be just like that time twenty years ago and slap my forehead because I should have seen it coming.

I just try my absolute best to remain.

Right here.

And be.

Talk about serenity wrapped up in the comforter of genuine peace.

Nothing quite like being in that place.

Truly changing my life.

Granted by the gratuity of presence.

No skill involved.

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Daily writing prompt
What’s a skill you consider basic, that most people don’t actually know how to do?
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Perhaps this is more a generational thing than it is a basic skill.

It was something I learned to rely upon through out my career and became my go to when I just need to connect with another. Whether on the clock or off.

That “skill”?

Just talking on the phone.

And then?

This one is really scary.

Doing that in person.

A COLD CALL.

I recall when I first started on the road, coins or a credit card number and finding a payphone came into play big time. That was the only way you could advise them you were early, late, needed to reschedule or just plain lost.

If you couldn’t connect? Cold call. Just stop in and talk to the first person you see, Ask them for their help.

Despite the sounds of that, you actually got to know another person that way. Recognizing not only their voice when they picked up, but tone, demeanor and personality. You got the opportunity to get to know the man or woman talking on the phone with you. Even if it went to voicemail, those unwritten rules of engagement assured a call back. Or a chance to at least play tag.

Cold calls are even better.

You get to actually look someone – anyone – in the face and start a conversation. Try your best to put them at ease and open up. Describe the help you seek and who might be best suited to do so. Smile. Crack wise. Just be you.

These days, it literally throws people off if you call. Worse yet? Stop in unannounced.

An email or text merely serves to deflect any true interaction. How ’bout letting Al craft emails because time is so preciously dire or tack on some inane emoji to create the impression of currency and leading edge? Either will make the opportunity for honest and lasting communication ever less likely.

Want to follow up on something?

Try and schedule an appointment?

Need some information?

Ask a pressing question?

Refer someone to another?

Seek some help?

Send it Gmail so you can just wait. Better yet, tap it out on your phone so you can fixate on your palm for the next 24 hours.

Or?

Give them a call.

Hop in the car and just stop by.

Let them get to know you.

Get to know them.

The basics of life.

No skill involved.

An intention that totally stands to reason.

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Daily writing prompt
Do you think everything happens for a reason?
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Well my friends, a very interesting topic today, isn’t it?

When I first read it, I was a little perplexed. I wanted to make sure I fully understood the question.

So I referred to my compatriot Al for a defintion. After all, he comes from a long line of information collectors, spawned from the shores of Britannica, where they attended Oxford, and were lovingly raised by Merriam and Webster.

But of course, I digress…

I went to him because much of what I think, say and do has been and is self directed, for better or worse. I choose. I formulate the reason, arrive at the intended and misperceived results in my noggin, guided by my ego, and just go with it. That being said, once the things do happen, then my tendency is to go back and review the refigure the reason while I swiffer up the mess I made.

“I knew I could do it, so why did this happen?”

“Why did my thoughts, words and actions offend so many?”

“How come no one understands I am right and does what I tell them to do?”

True, I do all of the calculus before hand, or at teast I thought I did, so I can figure out the best reasons for doing everything I do. The results will then always reflect my math.

Yikes.

I never really was good at arithmetic. Tried, but just never connected point A to B. Not in my geornetry apparently. Actually torpedoed my college GPA trying calculus and physics in the midst of trying to find my way.

Based on the stats I have accumulated for more than a couple of decades, things definitely trend towards the negative.

So delving deeper into the concept of reason, the word purpose was offered. Not as a sibling. Perhaps moreso a distant relative.

As it stands, reason is more of definition or explanation of a past motivation, a cause, or even a justification for the reasons something was done or why an event occurred. Strange, you think you are figuring out how to go about doing something – via reasoning – and yet it is more attuned to understanding why it took place.

Purpose, in this stoic’s understanding, seems a more independent and intentional entity.

Independent in the sense that I am coming to believe it is not self generated. I get bits and pieces, hints and suggestions, clues and coincidence that open me up to embrace what is in the process of happening. Not so much deciding I guess, just letting if you know what I mean. I feel less compellee to reason things out. More driven to let go and let it become.

And purpose, they say, is yet to be revealed. Yet to be fully known. yet to be pursued. But then again, I think that its intention is tug me towards it, allow it to capture my heart, mind and soul and then take me beyond my wildest dreams and most fervent imagination. I simply need to grant my permission to be carried away.

As frightening as that may sound, there is an overwhelming sense of peace to it. I need not know, be, drive, control, decide, determine, or even concede. All of this has nothing to do with capitulation. I just need to let.

Allow.

And most of all, trust.

At this point in my life, one of the best things I can do for myself.

Finally allowing myself to divine my purpose.

An intention that totally stands to reason.

Out.

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Daily writing prompt
What’s a promise you made to yourself that you’ve actually kept?
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I cannot call it a promise.

More of an intention I would have to say. It can be worded all sorts of ways. But what it comes down to for me is just this; stay here.

In this moment.

Now.

Present.

That is not to say I don’t feel the urge to pull off at the next exit when I am heading south for “The Past”. Or the one that comes right after the rest area labeled “Whathasyettobedetermined”. This is an ongoing battle for me. I have put the blinkers on a few times lately. Tapped the brakes. That being said, my sense is that it always will be that way. I just need to work at taking it down a few notches.

Hoping that effort too will remain ongoing.

Staying here is the best way to stick with the now and allow things to happen. One of the most prescient offerings regarding these moments came from Robert Frost. He said “…the best way out is always through.”

Which makes sense. Reverse then cannot come into play and you cannot see or experience anything beyond what is currently in front of you.

It can feel somewhat sunsettling just staying here. For lack of a better term, transitory. Perhaps that is how it is taken. Sensed. Not controlled. Planned. Just there.

But now does only last twenty-four hours, a third of which may be consumed by sleep. Probably explains that growing lack of attachment or concern I have what came before and a general disinterest in devoting or expending any form of energy towards “next” whatsoever.

If I can remain focused, then through can only be seen from where I am right now.

Not simply the best way.

The only way.

Out.

Woven into them.

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Daily writing prompt
What’s a lesson you’ve learned recently that shifted your perspective?
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This cannot be reconciled to a singular event.

It just can’t.

Al says that “perspective generally refers to an individual’s point of view or the mental framework through which they interpret the world, situations, and other people.” I then asked him to better explain interpret, and just like that, he said: “to interpret means to explain, translate, or make sense of something by applying personal context, special knowledge, or creative judgment.”

So essentially, either way I look at it, there is an element of control on my part in just how I choose to perceive or interpret something, an event. My context. “Special” knowledge I possess. An creative judgement? From the man who routinely has lacked any speck of just judgement, let alone the creative variety whatsover?

That means I somehow control the event. At least in terms of my perception and interpretation. Whether I needed to or not, conforming things to my will may not end up well for the home team. To that I can whole heartedly affirm with an array of “missteps” spanning decades.

Born of my perspective and interpretation.

“Creative judgement”?

So shifted I did.

Needed to double clutch this one.

If I can reduce the will on my end, then I can more fully open myself to following another source. If I can be right here and accept what goes on around me right now, then there is no need in enhancing or changing perspective. The need for a replay or two to better understand?

Byeeeeeeee!

There will then be no need for interpretation. No contextual concerns. A special knowledge will emerge, but now from being taught something for the first time. Creative judgement will take a hike, since what is there is now finally seen as what it is.

Truth.

Things no longer have to be woven into my ego and made into something altogether different.

Things will just be.

So I can be.

Woven into them.