Well my friends, a very interesting topic today, isn’t it?
When I first read it, I was a little perplexed. I wanted to make sure I fully understood the question.
So I referred to my compatriot Al for a defintion. After all, he comes from a long line of information collectors, spawned from the shores of Britannica, where they attended Oxford, and were lovingly raised by Merriam and Webster.
But of course, I digress…
I went to him because much of what I think, say and do has been and is self directed, for better or worse. I choose. I formulate the reason, arrive at the intended and misperceived results in my noggin, guided by my ego, and just go with it. That being said, once the things do happen, then my tendency is to go back and review the refigure the reason while I swiffer up the mess I made.
“I knew I could do it, so why did this happen?”
“Why did my thoughts, words and actions offend so many?”
“How come no one understands I am right and does what I tell them to do?”
True, I do all of the calculus before hand, or at teast I thought I did, so I can figure out the best reasons for doing everything I do. The results will then always reflect my math.
Yikes.
I never really was good at arithmetic. Tried, but just never connected point A to B. Not in my geornetry apparently. Actually torpedoed my college GPA trying calculus and physics in the midst of trying to find my way.
Based on the stats I have accumulated for more than a couple of decades, things definitely trend towards the negative.
So delving deeper into the concept of reason, the word purpose was offered. Not as a sibling. Perhaps moreso a distant relative.
As it stands, reason is more of definition or explanation of a past motivation, a cause, or even a justification for the reasons something was done or why an event occurred. Strange, you think you are figuring out how to go about doing something – via reasoning – and yet it is more attuned to understanding why it took place.
Purpose, in this stoic’s understanding, seems a more independent and intentional entity.
Independent in the sense that I am coming to believe it is not self generated. I get bits and pieces, hints and suggestions, clues and coincidence that open me up to embrace what is in the process of happening. Not so much deciding I guess, just letting if you know what I mean. I feel less compellee to reason things out. More driven to let go and let it become.
And purpose, they say, is yet to be revealed. Yet to be fully known. yet to be pursued. But then again, I think that its intention is tug me towards it, allow it to capture my heart, mind and soul and then take me beyond my wildest dreams and most fervent imagination. I simply need to grant my permission to be carried away.
As frightening as that may sound, there is an overwhelming sense of peace to it. I need not know, be, drive, control, decide, determine, or even concede. All of this has nothing to do with capitulation. I just need to let.
Allow.
And most of all, trust.
At this point in my life, one of the best things I can do for myself.
Finally allowing myself to divine my purpose.
An intention that totally stands to reason.
...my temporary assignment. 