Tag Archives: mental-health

Being present.

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Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
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I am typically an optimist. I have learned to look for and then find the opportunity that lay in all forms of adversity, negative feelings included. Both are never “if” but only “when” moments. Not that one necessarily embarks on a search for them. I think it just behooves us to see them as such and press on.

Speaking from years of experience, negative feelings can have a variety of sources. Maybe this is something for another day. I just know their origins come from within, part of your make. From without, somehow energized by interactions found in everyday life. Those from within may impact how you perceive the ones from without. And those without may behave similarly on those within.

So as with adversity, there is much ado about the sensory aspects of that moment as well as maintaining presence. By that I mean, staying right where you are. Present.

My negative feelings first became inextricably woven into the past. Always returning to the bent corner of the page in that part of my story so I could re-read, re-live, re-shame and re-torture myself for something I did or didn’t from long, long ago. Way too many volumes for this library.

Then, they may have a need to jump ahead in time, to something that hasn’t even happened. To a large extent, that flavor was ego stating I already knew what was going to happen, because you know, I was in control of everything. Funny that if you are convinced you run it, you somehow cannot make everything work out.

My self inflicted negativity, whether through creation or response, cannot survive the present. Absent tending and nurturing the garden variety sins of the past, or, fomenting angst, anxiety and defeat by scheduling ahead, these thoughts cannot survive, let alone grow and thrive.

Choosing to simply and only accept and learn from the past helps kill those roots so new grass can take hold. And deciding not live out over your skis, you will actually begin to appreciate what is right here with you. Being present, right here, right now, reduces, if not completely eradicates negative thoughts.

They are seen for what they truly are. Like the approaching storm, they too will pass.

I have determined that they have no business in my life. And that is just going to be the way it is.

The gift that keeps on giving.

Being present.

That is where you truly find life.

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Daily writing prompt
How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?
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I am going to step back on this one and do a deep dive on failure.

There! I finally used that sterling expression I heard multiple times at “meetings” in the business world. Wait. Just thought of an even better one. Almost pornographic in construction. “Pull back the kimono.” Now there is a gem. There, I think I met my KPI’s for the day. But once again, sorry folks, I digress….

In my estimation, failure is less an event than it is a mindset. There is some veracity to other more cliche’ utterances, like “doomed to fail”, “repeating history” and the one closest to my personality and experience, “setting himself up for failure.” All are mental and attitudinal precursors to hitting bottom.

When you go about things perched on a pedastal of your own construction, things are not likely to flow well. They may appear as together and synchronous from the outside, about a layer or two down, but when you get down at the core, things are an absolute mess.

Ego is the culprit. From whatever cause, for whatever reason, by any means necessary, ego can sink the ship. Does the name Titanic ring a bell?

It might be a need to be right. Always. To have all of the answers. Always. Control every situation and outcome. Always. Sit in judgement of others. Always.

Be God.

It could also be the salve for damages incurred at the hands of others.

The ever deep bruises of shame. The emptiness wrought by no esteem. Allowing others to assess your worth and value. Not having a clue as to who you are or how others see you.

Those just provided right there pretty much sums up the triggers leading to my foray in to ego. A way of being that created my environment fertile for failure. Decades in the making. And unbreaking.

Failures of my own making.

First, they started off as the small, just brush them off varieties, promoting dishonesty.

Giving growth to “….well, I will just be more careful next time”. Another layer or three of self deception and duplicity.

Finally, leaving port and moving onto a succession of personal Titanics.

“Iceberg?”

Let me tell you, treading water for a couple of years inspired me to accept the preserver of humility, truth and faith. Lasting and finally honest life lessons. Now that I found dry land, I am happy to say I am working my way into more of the AP curriculum these days.

How one could ever promote a deeper dive by pulling back the kimono is lost on me.

But sinking to the bottom?

That is where you truly find life.

Time part 4.

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Back in the day, I shared thoughts with kids in our community youth football program. Things stated and modeled at practice that were worthy of reiteration in written form. One of the formats I used was called “Ten Thoughts”.

After my post this morning, the top two from this set dating back to 2014 jumped out at me.

Time – THE most precious resource you will ever possess.  And if you are not careful in how you use it – it can come to possess you. It is something only to be spent – and despite your efforts otherwise – it proves very difficult to bank.   What you get – is what you get. There is no better time than “now”. So always “be” where you are.  And make the absolute most of your treasured allotment.   

    Time part 2 – sometimes, “things” need to happen on their own time. This has nothing to do with the alignment of stars and planets, destiny or fate. Just how life goes. You might want, work and dream for something in the worst way. Your committed effort might make it happen.  But then again – it might not. When it doesn’t, there is still something of value to be taken from the experience. Learning to persevere  and have faith to name the top two. It all matters.  It all means something. As Tom Petty once said “the waiting is the hardest part.” Yes it is. But one thing is for certain.  Even in the waiting, you are being made ready for something even better. 

    After reading the top two, I would like to share this addition:

    Time part 3 – being somewhere other than right here, right now can become suffocating. Attempting to change what has already been enacted or planning out a reaction to something that has yet to happen can suck the life right out of you.

    The past is meant to be a learning experience, providing you with the wisdom to pursue a path towards greater affirmation. Or, if ego makes itself king, the lesson will be ignored and defeat will become repetitive.

    The future is meant to be embraced as you have made yourself to hold it, but only if and when it happens. Not before. A lack of preparation and presence will leave you stranded from opportunity and fulfillment. You have to be there to “be” then.

    Being present brings with it peace and serenity. Life.

    And joy.

    Perhaps this will someday become another addition.

    Time part 4.

    Just when.

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    Daily writing prompt
    How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
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    Perspective, to me, is largely vision. Maybe not so literally. But perhaps more so tangibly. How what you have experienced, embraced, engaged in, exchanged or exhumed have come to currently define your presence and being in this moment.

    The combination of significant life events and time have the potential to create wonder, fulfillment and joy. On the flip side, they can also work in the opposite direction, producing woe, abandonment and despair. All of which are contingent on perspective. The tangible.

    Of all the many tangible gifts of perspective granted to me through my ongoing experience in football, the two that stand apart involve adversity.

    The first, spoken by a true mentor was this: “Adversity is never an if proposition, but only a when event”. The other, of more recent vintage, read was this, “event plus response equals outcome”

    The theme central to each of these perspectives?

    Opportunity as it conveyed through choice.

    For in the former, when adversity occurs, you may exercise your free will to choose how you will respond. That decision will ultimately reveal the opportunity that lay in all adversity. Or, lead to fight or flight, being seen only as a threat. In the latter, the equation involving a tangible perspective is fully fleshed out. E+R=O. Applicable to virutally any and all interactions, whether trying or accommodating.

    So, back to the prompt.

    Lacking a true, tangible perspective regarding life events added to the passage of time has wreaked some havoc around these parts. Simply thinking things will get better, this too shall pass and parking it on the back burner have a tendency to place the onus elsewhere. Deflect responsibility. Even blame in the worst sense.

    Choosing a path of avoidance over acceptance, gifting those calamities to other sources while delaying tangible engagement produces exactly the outcome you chose.

    On the other hand, genuine acceptance, honest ownership and fully intentional association with all events, in real time, will effect not just change, but the outcome desired. Opportunities found in all manner of adversity. Positive, fulfilling and lasting outcomes conveyed through choice.

    Assuming this tangible perspective creates in me a joyful anticipation of life events. And my soul’s desire and most ardent wish is that they will all fit within my ultimate passage of time. I no longer simply envision where it is I am going and what I am starting to become. I can actually feel to movement. The change. My outcome.

    Finally.

    No longer if.

    Just when.

    Finally.

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    Daily writing prompt
    What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
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    I see this question two ways.

    Imagine that.

    What are you scared to do? And, what are you scared of doing? What is it that you fear to attempt versus what is it that you have done but are fearful of doing again. Seperate avenues of life to share and elucidate.

    To be honest, haven’t really given the former much thought. I might be willing to sky dive, but never really held much interest. Since I really do not have a bucket list, there isn’t a spot to put that one on pause. Don’t have the cranial makeup to scale sky scrapers like Alex did a week or so ago in Taiwan.

    Swimming in the ocean is amazing. Jumping off a schooner and snorkeling in the middle of an ocean off the Virgin Islands. Taking a sailboard out in the same waters without a clue was a total blast. Cold calling businesses and turning them into associates and customers is fun to this day. Interviews are fun. Giving and receiving. Speaking to crowds? Fulfilling and missed. Jumping off a third floor fire escape into snow during winter break just because? Well, just because we were stupid. “Skitching” over the snow covered streets in Hinsdale as a teen. Deciding to play college football, and then playing every game for four years.

    There are others. But I guess when it comes to being scared to or having a fear to, I think the fear of failure holds the cards. A certain level of embarrassment too. What if I blow it? Get lost? Laughed at? Contusions and abrasions? Fractures? They say “no”? Die? Having never done something before, trying and then having it turn out one way or another is one experience. You get to move on.

    But then again, being scared of or having a fear of doing contains many of the same risk factors, but from an entirely different depth and direction. The potential damage to one and others extends far beyond band-aid boo boo’s or a walking boot.

    I am scared of and have a fear of letting others down. Again.

    Of making bad choices. Of acting out of character. Of behaving like I have all of the answers, that I am the Grand High Exalted Mystic Poobah, and that I know what is best for all everytime and all of the time. Of resentment.

    Of not understanding my true worth. Of not staying present. Of withdrawing and building a protective fortress along a steep escarpment.

    Of allowing others to determine my value, assess my potential and define my capabilities.

    Of not ever realizing who I was.

    The therapeutic side of the daily prompt is evident this exact moment.

    By discerning what I am scared to as it relates to what I am scared of, an epiphany has enjoined my spirit this weekend.

    Those things that one is scared of are those that one is scared to discard, move on from and grow in an entirely different manner and direction. Perhaps being possessed by them for so long offers a twisted, unhealthy and known sense of comfort and security. A bizarre sense of peace brought forth in allowing oneself to be held captive by them. Being scared to finally understand and move on was allowed to be overwhelmed by being scared of allowing that change.

    To finally grow. To finally understand. To finally forgive. To finally connect. To finally live.

    To finally be.

    Finally.

    Nothing to be scared of.

    Whatsoever.

    Finally.