Tag Archives: mental-health

Now that is needed.

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Daily writing prompt
What are your morning rituals? What does the first hour of your day look like?
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Over the years, a way sort of presented itself to me.

So I just went with it.

Of late, after I am sure I am breathing, I then have to ensure limbs function. Shuffle off to Buffalo, start coffee, concoct a liquid IV for my best friend and gather her backpack and thermos together. I like to pack her car early so she can just focus on getting ready for a day of teaching. That is plenty to think about.

If it is garbage day, they get rolled out. Make the bed. Make sure sink is empty. Then if I need to start fast, off to communion service by seven. If there is room, then off to morning mass a quarter after eight. In between, if time allows, then daily prompt. If not, then onto the day.

I once read that if at minimum you make your bed, then despite how the rest of the day pans out, you have accomplished one thing.

Bet you never guessed I make hospital corners.

So many things I attend to take time and investment to blossom. Sort of the path I have chosen to travel. So I will gladly accept healthy modes of instant gratification whenever possible. Like weeding. In thirty minutes, you can change the appearance of a flower bed. In three minutes, the appearance of your bedroom. In one, the kitchen.

Nothing nit picky about these whatsoever. The tone is set, the momentum gathers and you can ride that wave for the rest of the day. Same with ending it. Closing ceremony routine there. Maybe that is the next prompt?

Maybe it has been termed “routine” because it is something needed. But it doesn’t feel as such.

It’s just life.

And its simple joys.

Now that is needed.

That is my goal.

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Daily writing prompt
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?
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Boundaries are a quandary for this guy.

Hence, “no” is harder for me to utter than supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. It would actually be fantastic or wonderful to decline more often than I accede. But alas, that is still a work in progress.

As far as its impact on goals are concerned, I think uttering “no” isn’t a goal protectant as much as it is a personal protectant.

In terms of striving for a goal, a firm “no” here and there could provide help for one to maintain intention, focus and momentum. If not possible, it’s been my experience that a set back here and there actually add to the end accomplishment. More intensity becomes the weapon of choice to get back in sync and finish. Plus, the accompanying zig-zags still produce valuable lessons and knowledge. Like matter, nothing is ever wasted. You just have to adapt to the changes in form.

As in the case of the goal, a personal protectant “no” issued from a point of self-honesty, -awareness and -love could very well add to what is yet to follow as well. Additional intensity in this case is not the requisite. Copious amounts of self-acceptance can help reset the tone. You still have an opportunity to learn, but now it can be absent the pressure to over-perform and represents a chance to remain fully in the moment,.

In terms of striving for, lets call it personal well being, a well placed “no” would actually halt a perceived obligation that you feel you need to keep giving “what you no longer have”, “are no longer able”, or that “you never could in the first place.”

If your intention is to maintain a modicum of peace and serenity in your life and soul, then “no” is a start. Despite the fact that something inside may press you to pack that word away permanently, it is not a sign of selfishness to stick up for yourself, know when the tank is depleted and simply say it. Then take five. Or ten.

It is very difficult for me to say those two letters together.

I wrote the book on boundary-less over-functioning. (lots of hyphens in this one. yikes!) Not sure how the compulsion began, where I found it or why I need to be that way. But it sure taught me some tough lessons. Bruises remain. But I am healing.

To frame it as I did regarding goals, saying “no” needs to be expressed when you finally just can’t. You can ultimately maintain intention, focus and momentum that carries you to bigger and better things not just for you, but for all.

So I can still be there for those that are in need.

But I have to be aware that mine are important too.

And keep it that way.

That is my goal.

Finally just me.

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Daily writing prompt
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?
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Honestly, I do not think this can really be considered a secret skill or ability. For me, it is akin to something more along the lines of self-honesty. Coinciding with that all elusive power, a better sense of self-awareness, more self-discipline and finally, some much needed self-love.

I think the latter three tend to nourish the former one. All four woven into one, becoming a constant source of health, acceptance and peace. Alas, for the most part, all are of more recent vintage. They seemed to have been missing for quite a while.

Because now that I look back at things, perhaps the original secret skill or ability was an altogether all encompassing pattern of self-deception.

If you go about things convinced you know what you are doing, you are right, and you really do not have to listen as much as you speak, well, that pretty much says it all. The only thing I actually lacked was a costume. A piece of garb I could jump into when my secret skills were in operation and out there for full display. That would have completed the charade.

Wait.

I was kidding about the uniform. Didn’t really need to change into something else to make that ability stand out and command attention. It was already fairly evident. Come to think of it, a cloaking device would have been handy. Some method I could employ to actually hide from my innate ability to employ them on a daily basis. Just wonder why I never saw what I am sure was obvious to those around me.

Hence the need for better self-awareness. But I digress….

There is a serenity and peace to be found in intentionally engaging in self-honesty. Opens all sorts of doors that had been nailed and/or bolted shut pretty much through out my existence. If you actually acknowledge self-honesty as a valued character trait in lieu of a mortal combatant, the awareness follows.

Guarded by discpline.

All nourished by some genuine love for one-self.

What blankets you then is a protective sense that you are worthy and valued just as you are becoming. Talk about serenity and peace. Man. If there is a secret ability, then that is what I found to be the one for me.

I can just be.

Nothing secret.

Finally, just me.

Being present.

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Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
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I am typically an optimist. I have learned to look for and then find the opportunity that lay in all forms of adversity, negative feelings included. Both are never “if” but only “when” moments. Not that one necessarily embarks on a search for them. I think it just behooves us to see them as such and press on.

Speaking from years of experience, negative feelings can have a variety of sources. Maybe this is something for another day. I just know their origins come from within, part of your make. From without, somehow energized by interactions found in everyday life. Those from within may impact how you perceive the ones from without. And those without may behave similarly on those within.

So as with adversity, there is much ado about the sensory aspects of that moment as well as maintaining presence. By that I mean, staying right where you are. Present.

My negative feelings first became inextricably woven into the past. Always returning to the bent corner of the page in that part of my story so I could re-read, re-live, re-shame and re-torture myself for something I did or didn’t from long, long ago. Way too many volumes for this library.

Then, they may have a need to jump ahead in time, to something that hasn’t even happened. To a large extent, that flavor was ego stating I already knew what was going to happen, because you know, I was in control of everything. Funny that if you are convinced you run it, you somehow cannot make everything work out.

My self inflicted negativity, whether through creation or response, cannot survive the present. Absent tending and nurturing the garden variety sins of the past, or, fomenting angst, anxiety and defeat by scheduling ahead, these thoughts cannot survive, let alone grow and thrive.

Choosing to simply and only accept and learn from the past helps kill those roots so new grass can take hold. And deciding not live out over your skis, you will actually begin to appreciate what is right here with you. Being present, right here, right now, reduces, if not completely eradicates negative thoughts.

They are seen for what they truly are. Like the approaching storm, they too will pass.

I have determined that they have no business in my life. And that is just going to be the way it is.

The gift that keeps on giving.

Being present.

That is where you truly find life.

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Daily writing prompt
How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?
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I am going to step back on this one and do a deep dive on failure.

There! I finally used that sterling expression I heard multiple times at “meetings” in the business world. Wait. Just thought of an even better one. Almost pornographic in construction. “Pull back the kimono.” Now there is a gem. There, I think I met my KPI’s for the day. But once again, sorry folks, I digress….

In my estimation, failure is less an event than it is a mindset. There is some veracity to other more cliche’ utterances, like “doomed to fail”, “repeating history” and the one closest to my personality and experience, “setting himself up for failure.” All are mental and attitudinal precursors to hitting bottom.

When you go about things perched on a pedastal of your own construction, things are not likely to flow well. They may appear as together and synchronous from the outside, about a layer or two down, but when you get down at the core, things are an absolute mess.

Ego is the culprit. From whatever cause, for whatever reason, by any means necessary, ego can sink the ship. Does the name Titanic ring a bell?

It might be a need to be right. Always. To have all of the answers. Always. Control every situation and outcome. Always. Sit in judgement of others. Always.

Be God.

It could also be the salve for damages incurred at the hands of others.

The ever deep bruises of shame. The emptiness wrought by no esteem. Allowing others to assess your worth and value. Not having a clue as to who you are or how others see you.

Those just provided right there pretty much sums up the triggers leading to my foray in to ego. A way of being that created my environment fertile for failure. Decades in the making. And unbreaking.

Failures of my own making.

First, they started off as the small, just brush them off varieties, promoting dishonesty.

Giving growth to “….well, I will just be more careful next time”. Another layer or three of self deception and duplicity.

Finally, leaving port and moving onto a succession of personal Titanics.

“Iceberg?”

Let me tell you, treading water for a couple of years inspired me to accept the preserver of humility, truth and faith. Lasting and finally honest life lessons. Now that I found dry land, I am happy to say I am working my way into more of the AP curriculum these days.

How one could ever promote a deeper dive by pulling back the kimono is lost on me.

But sinking to the bottom?

That is where you truly find life.