Tag Archives: spirituality

The sum of His divine design.

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We all are made to love.  

Part of our divine design. As created by our higher power.  God is the very source of love and we are called to reflect and direct that love to others. Our role in the loop of grace. 

Yet during the course of life’s travails, disappointments and distrust, we may begin to engage in the process of actively obscuring that attribute.  Cordoning off that integral and essential aspect of our being.  Seeking ephemeral pursuits.  Avoiding our true nature.  Evading our responsibility.  And in so doing, creating a false sense of security, safety and wellbeing.  

Despite the fact that we are hardwired for it, and it is destined to be our primary purpose, it hurts to love.  

To give it without condition, guarantee or quid pro quo.  To expose oneself to a seemingly fatal level of self-inflicted pain.  

Sad to say, we tend to give up too early. I do.  Choosing to succumb to a skinned knee, while another within our immediate universe might  be in the throes of a hopeless, lingering, lonely spiral downward.  Choosing process, research and expediency over interaction, intuition and patience.  Focusing on our flaws rather than our inherent capacity to help those about us grow.  Choosing ourselves and our needs first. And others?  When it makes sense for us.  

Dispensing, gifting and asserting love are all arduous tasks. The heaviest lifting imaginable   Missions that can generate more than their fair share of discomfort, disappointment and despair.  

But somewhere along the way, we convince ourselves to capitulate to that illusion.  That we will not survive the giving.  That it will never be received as we intend.  Or more to the point – how we expect it to be taken. Or that we need to be present to witness an ultimate outcome.  

Forgoing  our purpose, ignoring our  design and ignoring our Creator.  Lacerating the loop of grace. 

Fortunately, there are those within our midst that refuse to be deterred.  Fervently remaining on point. Absorbing the pain.  Depleting themselves.  Giving it up.  

Sturdy souls, with an unyielding faith, who have leaned into this mission.  Recognized that their true purpose lay within.  That the  pain is temporary.  Reserves will  be refilled.  That giving it up is who they are meant to be and what we are all intended to do.  

After all, that is how we were  made.  

The sum of His divine design.  

Being present.

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Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
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I am typically an optimist. I have learned to look for and then find the opportunity that lay in all forms of adversity, negative feelings included. Both are never “if” but only “when” moments. Not that one necessarily embarks on a search for them. I think it just behooves us to see them as such and press on.

Speaking from years of experience, negative feelings can have a variety of sources. Maybe this is something for another day. I just know their origins come from within, part of your make. From without, somehow energized by interactions found in everyday life. Those from within may impact how you perceive the ones from without. And those without may behave similarly on those within.

So as with adversity, there is much ado about the sensory aspects of that moment as well as maintaining presence. By that I mean, staying right where you are. Present.

My negative feelings first became inextricably woven into the past. Always returning to the bent corner of the page in that part of my story so I could re-read, re-live, re-shame and re-torture myself for something I did or didn’t from long, long ago. Way too many volumes for this library.

Then, they may have a need to jump ahead in time, to something that hasn’t even happened. To a large extent, that flavor was ego stating I already knew what was going to happen, because you know, I was in control of everything. Funny that if you are convinced you run it, you somehow cannot make everything work out.

My self inflicted negativity, whether through creation or response, cannot survive the present. Absent tending and nurturing the garden variety sins of the past, or, fomenting angst, anxiety and defeat by scheduling ahead, these thoughts cannot survive, let alone grow and thrive.

Choosing to simply and only accept and learn from the past helps kill those roots so new grass can take hold. And deciding not live out over your skis, you will actually begin to appreciate what is right here with you. Being present, right here, right now, reduces, if not completely eradicates negative thoughts.

They are seen for what they truly are. Like the approaching storm, they too will pass.

I have determined that they have no business in my life. And that is just going to be the way it is.

The gift that keeps on giving.

Being present.

But I digress…

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A very compelling question to begin the day.

There are a number of those that have cast an impression upon me, in their way, ultimately soliciting a positive outcome in my life. Some are instantaneous in nature, sort of a spontaneous combustion event. While there are those that were merely planted, left and took months, years or decades to germinate and come to fruition.

Moments, interactions and relationships can assume an identity all their own, playing out a role that may not be readily apparent. There are those that bring with them an open and genuine level of honesty and positivity. Meant for one’s immediate care and benefit. Delivered with complete integrity, humility and a love born of servanthood to all those in need.

The impact of those interactions are immediately apparent. And I can name many that were there in that fashion, precisely when I desperately needed it.

One in particular was so in tune with my wellbeing, that he somehow called me, out of the blue, precisely during one of my worst moments, simply because he wanted me to know that he was there for me. No matter what. To this day, I remain touched by this level of loving care. The fact that I just shared this event with all of you brings tears to my eyes, despite the fact it happened well over a decade ago.

Then, there are those lessons one encounters that begin more with a somewhat arbitrary sense of conviction and desire, because its “how I did it and it works, so you should do it too.” Born more of convention or convenience. Just because. And depending on the current circumstances in one’s life, one might be more apt to surrender a bit oneself to become like them. Join the clique. Be a member of the “team”.

At first, things may reap the rewards yearned for, creating a false sense of “I made it.” But as the cost to your true being is accounted for, things slip away and you can descend into realms that taint, harm and destroy. There might be ways to assuage this sense of loss and losing recognition of who it is you were to start. But ultimately, it becomes a lesson of redemption and rebirth. An interaction that cast a cloud of negativity over you and your life. But ultimately, in the final analysis, led you to where you were meant to be.

Just as I am indebted to those who have touched my soul in ways I never imagined, I too am grateful that others have led me to tough lessons in self realization and affirmation. Perhaps they were never intended to be how I accepted them. But despite the negative origins, they too became a positive and lasting influence on me. And to those men, I am also grateful for being a part of my journey.

I tend to digress once pen is in hand. But with regard to the basis of the prompt, “describe a man who has positively impacted your life”, without a doubt, he would be Him. God.

It was He that suggested that many fellow coach should call precisely when I needed to hear his voice and feel his love. And it was He that allowed me to exercise my free will, albeit poor in execution, while remaining right next to me as I rebuilt and found my true way forward in life. He brought all those other men in and out of my life, when they were needed, then not, so that I could finally find this man.

The one sharing this prompt on one of the best days ever.

According to His plan.

But I digress…

Only if you sing your song.

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Daily writing prompt
Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?
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Well, my stage career began and ended with Mr. Tantillo’s 7th & 8th grade Barbershop Music classes at the Hinsdale Junior High School, about 1972 or 3 BC. I had the fortune of singing lead in a quartet that travelled as far as Milwaukee, to share “My Wild Irish Rose” when our turn came up during the program.

Heading out on that proverbial limb, I think it was Russ that sang bass, Mike that was our baritone, and the tenor’s name? Escapes me for now. But when I remember it at 1:43 AM, I will add it in. We usually concluded our concerts with “Good-bye My Coney Island Baby”. Upon retirement when I graduated from junior high, my singing moments were reserved for “Rosalita” in college and are now preserved in the friendly confines of my car with my friends at WXRT or the Drive.

However, since then, I have also been blessed with opportunities to create some of my own melodies in public speaking around the community. My involvement in football as a player and now a coach has afforded me chances to speak to players whether on the field at practice or at other events, share my thoughts with the staff, players and families at weekly high school team dinners and teach coaching concepts at football clinics around the state.

I also became a guest lecturer at a near by college and through my involvement as a mentor for the local Boy Scout troops, provide the earned accolades for soaring as an Eagle at their court of honor. Of late, I have had the chance to share a daily devotional with my new team and explore the spiritual essence of other readings with another close coaching friend of mine.

These daily prompts are such a treasure. They reveal things to me I just did not even consider.

Singing was scary to start. Being out in front of many with three others carrying a tune. But now that I look back, it was a sorely needed source of joy for a young man that pretty much kept to himself. Since some arbitrary test I took in grade school disqualified me from learning an instrument, having the opportunity to just sing was a Godsend. A way to express a passion I had for music. Apart from laying on the living room floor next to the RCA console, reading liner notes and playing records at “11”. Not sure what led me to neglect that path once I went into highschool. Maybe it was football that took front and center.

So the melody I have been able to share in public speaking shares the same source of passion. To articulate feelings, sensations and hopes through words. Not telling anyone what to do or how to do it. But moreso what is to be gained if you surrender yourself to that undertaking without regret. The memories it will create within those moments and for the rest of your life. How fulfilling just leaving it all out there, regardless of the outcome, can be. And is.

And when you can connect with another or others within a sea of faces and lives, you just know it.

The eye contact. The body language. The expression. You sense their presence in your melody. And within you. A feeling of connection and intimacy that just escapes description.

Exactly why you just need to leave it all out there, surrender and dismiss the possibility of regret.

How fulfilling that can and always will be.

Only if you sing your song.

Sure am glad I did.

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It is comforting how the gospels and the reflections offered reflect the present moment and circumstance. Perhaps there are days when they require a deeper level of discernment. But then again, they can appear on the marquis, lights ablaze, drawing one to step in and see what it is He is showing.

Bishop Barron as a wonderful way of cutting to the chase. Breaking down thoughts and words conceptualized and spoken hundreds, if not thousands of years ago, into the raw essence of their devotional meaning. Truly a gift in my estimation in that things can become obscured from their honest intention, whether by accident or design.

Today, we are called to change our hearts and behaviors.

As the Bishop so shared: “St. Augustine defines sin as incurvatus in se—that means ‘caved in around oneself.’ To be in sin is to be ‘caved in’ around the ego and its narrow concerns.” I then went a little further and found “incurvatus in se” referred to as being “curved in on oneself”. Being self-absorbed to the extent that focus, desire and effort is consumed entirely to the benefit of oneself, to the abandonment of others.

Speaking from experience, a level of this degree of self-absorption can lead to a wide and debilitating array of negative consequences. Among them perpetual, scathing self-analysis, life-long score-keeping, an affinity and affection for deception and additional, destructive modes of ensuring a gathering isolation. Upon some ongoing, in depth discernment, discussion and reflection, I can say for certain, that being “caved in” or “curved in on one self” hits the nail on the head.

So following the Latin route given to me today, a better path would be “excurvatus ex se”. In other words, approaching life curved outward. With an open, honest and receptive focus on others and God. Ceding that quest for internal control brings with it serenity and genuine peace. Something that can create a level of affirmation never quite known before.

With that newfound perspective comes that same wish for others.

Not born of the self absorbed confines of an incurvatus ego and judgement. But rather a true outward excurvatus perspective of what it is really all about; others.

Not because I say so.

But simply because it is.

Took me quite a while to finally get geometry.

Sure am glad I did.