christianity – …my temporary assignment.

“Meno.”

I have found great joy in reading the gospel each morning in three different versions, emailed to me overnight. Each provides one with some key insights to ponder for the day to come and really gets those creative juices flowing. As you can probably tell. Presenting me with words I was kind of aware of, thought I understood, but really did not know from Adam.

Sorry. Helps sustain my humerous daddus affliction. But I digress…

This morning in the first reading of 1 Maccabees 2:15-29, there was a retelling of the enforcement of a king’s apostasy and Mattathias’ reaction.

Akin to the mother and her seven sons and how they chose the after life in lieu of an affirmation of not only a false prophet but false view of life.

I went back to “apostasy” and discovered the origins, the Greek word “apostasia” meaning “defection, rebellion or abandonment”. Recalling my fondness for Etymology class with Mr. Paris in high school back in the 70’s, I went a little deeper. Who knew today would start with some archeology.

“Apostasia” is formed from a prefix “apo” meaning “away from” and the verb “histemi” meaning “to stand”. “Thus, the literal meaning is to stand away from”.

Since this was first written long, long ago it has taken on a variety of meanings each of which are related to discarding ones faith. At this moment of of my personal reclamation project, however, I prefer to apply it from its original, literal meaning.

“To stand away from”.

My apostasia involves standing away from the ill conceived habits and thoughts that took me away from my true self. Beholding the notion that I had all of the answers and that I could do everything for everybody. Equipped with the double edged sword that is ego, I wounded humility for the sake of pride. All of which simply made me an island, surrounded by an ocean that ebbed with low self esteem and flowed with no forgiveness.

But as I have increasingly sacrificed the tenets of a choices poorly made and a life ill lived, a true fellowship beckons. One that called to the mother and seven sons. One that touched Mattathias and the multitudes of those that have followed. Removing me from a self-designed poverty and enriching me with an altogether serene and peaceful wholeness.

You may not realize it at first, but when you simply let go and stand away from what you were, you can genuinely become what you are meant to be.

My “apostasia” began with moving away from being alone as self-induced outcast. It has since evolved into allowing Him in and truly living.

“Meno”.

With him.

Today’s reflection shared a story of a mother and her seven sons from the book of 2 Maccabees 7:1, 20-31. They were being tormented, tortured and murdered by Antiochus, one by one, one in front of the other, because they would not give themselves up to what he said they needed to be. Despite his vain offers of false glory, prestige, standing and power, to a person they deferred and accepted their end on earth so that they may live on in eternity.

I don’t think it is so much that I am looking for new meanings in things I hear or read. After spending much of my life headed in my direction, because I wanted to, of course because I am right and the rest of you can deal with it, let’s just say that my commanding, know it all inner Antiochus voice now has some truly loving company. Offering a more compelling way of living out my days.

When you hear things in that tone and tenor, it is like taking a deep breath, taking a step back, removing the “life vision goggles” and experiencing the moment as it truly is.

Wonderful.

That is, wonder-full.

The voice of Antiochus that had ruled my way of being and was intent on doing so for the rest of it has faded into the noise of the background. Another, that had been patiently waiting in the wings has resonated in my soul and spirit, in a symphony of love and understanding. It is that voice I now hear. One that has overcome the cacophony of selfishness, ego and self-righteousness.

So you can never really know when something totally life changing will occur. The latest one for me was today at about 7:29 AM, in the kitchen, watching the sun come up. With any luck, maybe there will be a return engagement later this morning, afternoon or tonight when the stars come out.

The Antiochus’ in your life may seem to be all powerful. But they consist of the things you really need not possess to fully live.

Tell him “no thank you”.

Embrace His voice.

Move towards life.

With Him.

Surrendered

I think I have shared this revelation twice or thrice before, but throughout this ongoing process of reclamation, words and the timing thereof have taken on an entirely different contextual sense and assume an unexpected mass.

Whether it be the things I read, the thoughts I hear, conversations shared or the unanticipated moments alone, words of late have brought about a compellingly different way of being. Filters in place for ages are being amended or altered altogether. Their resonance has taken on an entirely new timbre.

Like this.

“Surrender”.

Not so much any more the verb exclusively defining it as the act of giving up, accepting embarrassing defeat, losing. But rather, surrender as a patient, knowing and faith filled embrace that is determined to free oneself of control, rationalization and ego. Along with it, comes letting go of fear, anxiety and the unknown. Not to say in any sense that surrender is item #5 on your “to do” list, or what you have planned for the weekend now that the kids are away.

Surrender is the centerpiece of metanoia. A transformative change in body, heart, mind and soul. It can approach you from a variety of paths. The realization that old habits are no longer affirming. That occupation is more about consumption of time, effort and maintenance than true purpose. And a sense that you diverged from being that man or woman you once thought you were.

Las night, I then came across this one.

“Surrendered.”

As shared in a thought by Rick Warren, it isn’t an act but an outcome. Coming across more so as a noun, something you choose to become, learn to know and live by and as. Though you may have acted to surrender before, the way he now employs it acts to define not just what and who you are. But how you got there.

“You also know you’re surrendered when you don’t react to criticism and rush to defend yourself. Surrendered hearts show up best in relationships. You don’t edge others out, you don’t demand your rights, and you aren’t self-serving when you’re surrendered.”

Being held captive by the critics, external and internal, can become confining and isolating. You devolve into what they espouse you should be. A part of the herd.

When you make yourself first and foremost around others, then what is the point? Assuming that throne does nothing to establish a nurturing, loving connection for anyone involved. How can they possibly wedge themselves into your protective ego-aura?

His last sentence simply captures it all.

One action, surrender, is what it takes so you can just “be”.

Surrendered.

Listen.

Luke 8:16-18

“No one after lighting a lamp hides it under a jar, or puts it under a bed, but puts it on a lampstand, so that those who enter may see the light. For nothing is hidden that will not be disclosed, nor is anything secret that will not become known and come to light. Then pay attention to how you listen; for to those who have, more will be given; and from those who do not have, even what they seem to have will be taken away.”

Fitting words for the times we find ourselves in.

Impeccable timing as well.

A faith journey brings with it enhanced and enlightened senses. What might have been simply glossed over before, now seems so obvious, compelling and illuminating. The sentences, the phrasing and the words take on an entirely new meaning.

In the past few days, the lamp has become a beacon. Things hidden away in the dark are becoming known and coming to light.

“Pay attention to how you listen; for to those who have, more will be given;”. When your senses awaken, things sound different. They take on new meaning. Carry a different weight. If you hear it like that once, you will hear it like that again. Again. And again. More of that will be given if only you can hear.

“…and from those who do not have, even what they seem to have will be taken away.” Those who have not listened. What they seem to have, will be lost. Speaking from experience, truer words were never spoken. I for one did not hear. Chose not to listen. And as a result, so much was lost.

So much.

Perhaps your light simply starts as a candle. So be it. May be it is the only such source in your life. Feed it. Share that glow with the world around you. As the ember grows, make it into a lamp and carry it with you wherever you go. Guiding you forward and others towards that loving glow.

Your other senses will become illuminated.

“Pay attention to how you listen; for to those who have, more will be given;”

Begin to hear what is always being said. You will be given far more to hear.

Truer words were never spoken.

To love.

We all are made to love.

Part of His divine design. As created by our higher power. God is the very source of love and we are called to embrace, reflect and direct that love to others.

Yet during the course of life’s travails, disappointments and distrust, we begin to engage in the process of actively obscuring that attribute. Cordoning off that integral and essential aspect of our being. Seeking ephemeral pursuits. Avoiding our true nature. Evading our responsibility. And in so doing, creating a false sense of security, safety and wellbeing.

Despite the fact that we are hardwired for it, and it is our primary purpose, it can hurt to love.

To give it without condition, guarantee or quid pro quo. To expose oneself to a seemingly fatal level of self-inflicted pain. We convince ourselves to capitulate to that illusion. That we will not survive the giving. That it will never be received as we intend. Or more to the point – how we expect it to be taken. Or that we need to be present to witness the ultimate outcome.

Choosing to succumb to a skinned knee, while another within our immediate universe might be in the throes of a hopeless, lingering, lonely spiral downward. Choosing process, research and expediency over interaction, intuition and patience. Focusing on our flaws rather than the good inherent to the core. Choosing ourselves and our needs first over those of another and making them second.

True, dispensing, gifting and asserting love are all arduous tasks. The heaviest lifting imaginable Missions that can generate more than their fair share of discomfort, disappointment and despair.

Forgoing our heavenly purpose, ignoring our design and ignoring our Creator.

Fortunately, there are those within our midst that refuse to be deterred. Fervently remaining on point. Absorbing the pain. Depleting themselves. Giving it up.

These sturdy souls, with an unyielding faith, have leaned into this mission. Recognized that their purpose lay within. The pain is temporary. Reserves can be refilled. And giving it up is who they are.

You see, we are all made to love. It’s just that we need to trust in that level of faith, learn to surrender ourselves to Him, and allow Him to direct our path.

Then we will be fully equipped and supported to do so for others.

To love.