Tag Archives: compassion

I sure didn’t.

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Daily writing prompt
What was the best compliment you’ve received?
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So just a little bit about me first.

Maybe I share the same boat with some of you. Pulling an oar of low or no self esteem. Little or no awareness of self worth or value. Throw in a modicum of shame to go along with it. Maintaining an unhealthy reliance on others to determine these for me, because after all, they know better than I. Right?

So when you go about things like that, life turns out pretty much circular if you can picture it. Until someone chooses to climb aboard, take up the one on the other side, and row along with you for a bit. New waters. Different view of the horizon. Testing endurance. Working together towards a shared vision. As one. Blessed to say the occupancy on my vessel has grown of late.

You probably can guess what patriarchal pun is destined to follow that last sentence.

To me, compliments take on a different form. They aren’t so much made up of just words. They go far deeper than that. I view them as intention. A truly authentic giving of one into another, residing in trust, compassion and honesty. Putting another’s value and worth on display through thought, word and deed. An intentional proclamation of what another truly means to those about them.

Sorry, getting a little windy out here.

So last night, at our pizza gathering for the basketball season, a young man literally ran across the gym and just about bent me in half with a jumping bear hug. I work with him twice a week as it is and we make things happen together. But he hugged me yesterday like he hadn’t seen me for years. Just because. No words were involved, but that was a compliment I will not soon forget.

Years ago, a pillar of youth sports in our community thought I should hop on board and help steer the football program for the families here. His faith in me and who he saw from afar complimented the person I was desperately searching to find. His compliment changed my life. And to this day, I remain a coach.

A young man asked that I might come to speak to his team in the hopes that they would figure out how to grow closer together in intention, trust, faith and fellowship. I am still giddy about that night and how I still feel about becoming a part of them.

And when she can, my best friend and partner employs her gift of creation to make the best recipes that are good for me for all of the right reasons. Just because.

Others around me just reach out because they have a spot open on their boat. And the circular journey they are on may be a perpetual revisitation to the shores of Depair, Worthlessness, Emptiness and Isolation. A trip I took. Places I know all too well. Destinations they do not deserve if I can help it.

Had I been able to see compliments in this fashion before, I would have taken them more to heart.

Having teammates that wanted me to be their captain, twice.

A business owner picking me out of the blue, literally off the street to represent his company.

A fellowship asking me to help lead.

Being able to have you read my thoughts.

And of late, finally hearing His voice tell me I am worthy and calling me to come aboard.

A compliment isn’t so much “hey, did you lose weight?” Or, “you look good in that car.”

I am coming to realize that they consist of very few or absolutely no words. They are gifts another gives you because you are truly worth it in their heart, mind and soul. They value the genuine connection that exists so they share themselves with you. They see who you truly are, even if you are blind to that view.

They want you in their boat. Or are more than happy to come aboard yours and pick up the one next to you.

Who ever thought wanting to row with another was such a fulfilling compliment.

I sure didn’t.

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A gift that keeps on giving.

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This can be a challenging season for many. Though it is intended to be a celebration of anticipation, affirmation and arrival, ones focus might happen to remain fixed on regrets, sorrow and loneliness.

A desperately needed gift for some may be well within one’s reach. Something that cannot be left at the front door or scanned into some account. It can be returned, but not as you would expect. And yet, it is celebratory in form. Given through presence.

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”
― John Joseph Powell

It could occur in passing in a store, in a line at the counter. A party with neighbors or coworkers to enjoin in the festivities of the season. A chance meeting of an old friend in a parking lot or local coffee shop. Those that are forlornly seeking a mere glimpse of their inherent beauty and worth, can come to find it in your face, expression and genuine warmth you exude.

A mirror has no sense of itself other than what it sees. And as we are not things, we do have a sense of ourselves in some measure. But being a mirror is not about how you feel. It is about reflecting another’s compassion and truth. Their worth and love. Entities that can somehow become hidden by self created and imposed filters. Shame. Rejection.

Your presence in those instances reveals to them images that cannot hide from reality. Things about themselves they need to witness.

So in anticipte and celebrate their arrival into your life, if but for only a moment. Affirm their true worth and singular beauty as a fellow human. Trumpet the good they will come to know in the time to come.

Reflecting what you truly see in them, brings out the best in you.

And they will then yearn to do the same for another.

A gift that keeps on giving.

And make you sing.

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I don’t watch a whole lot of TV, but I do find “The Voice” to be pretty good. At times,  the stories of the singers and their journey to follow their passion can be very compelling.  The coaches are good, solid people, excellent mentors and well equipped to support all sorts of talent that comes from everywhere and all walks of life. 

So the other night, we watched it for the first time this year and got to know a newer array of coaches this time around. Michael Buble remained as the veteran, and was joined by Reba McEntire and  Niall Horan. The fourth coach, Snoop Dogg, was an incredible addition to the team and truly something to behold.  Although it was the only episode I saw this season, and the first time I saw him ever, my sense was there was this captivating emotional connection between the four. 

Now aside from his music and business ventures, Snoop Dogg created a youth football league about 18 years ago to provide inner city kids an opportunity to participate in football and cheer.  The focus of the Snoop Youth Football League is developing the person, teaching them values of teamwork, good sportsmanship, discipline and self respect, while stressing the importance of academics. His program has enabled over 60,000 kids to participate since its inception. 

That night, in my view, Coach Dogg genuinely modeled every aspect of the words “man”, “father” and of course,  “coach”.  He was such a compassionate soul, a hugger.  And regardless of his part in the show’s selection process, he would make his way on stage to console and encourage a singer that fell short, or celebrate them and his fellow coaches for a job well done. 

At one point in the show, a young lady’s performance did not fare well and when it became obvious, she became quite emotional.  Snoop went up to her, offered a tissue or two, and in true coach fashion shared something I will never soon forget. 

Holding her with one arm, and with the other hand, his  thumb and forefinger in the shape of an “L”, he said something that truly resonated with me, and I am sure many others.  To paraphrase, showing her the “L” made by his fingers, Snoop said “this doesn’t mean loser or lose,  but rather, lesson.  So take this moment for what it truly is, a lesson. Learn from it, build on it, come back stronger and win.” 

Offering a perspective possessing this mass has an innate ability to change life in so many ways.  Every demanding, challenging and disappointing situation has within it opportunity, the potential for growth and achievement.  But only if you are open to seeing it in this fashion. 

For the only way you can become defined as the “L” by that single moment is if you choose to let it be so.  However, should you choose to look at it as a lesson, it then becomes an opportunity to learn and grow so you can become what you were intended to be. 

Witnessing  that interaction with her and hearing his words of wisdom that night clarified many things for me.  I bet for many others out there as well.  

While that show features truly genuine artists with a voice unlike any other, seeking to further pursue their passion for  music, what Snoop shared with the world last night speaks more so about life.  

Its lessons. 

How you should not only see them, but hear them.  

For they can truly become your song.  

And make you sing.