One of the most influential mentors in my life is Pastor Ellsworth Freyer. “PF” to those close to him. “Coach” to me. I was blessed to be one of many he coached throughout his life as a man of the cloth. He coached me to coach. To mentor. Serve others. And write.
When I would run into writer’s block penning some words of encouragement to those I served, he would reach out and share some of his words of wisdom. The most inspiring were found in his motivational pieces, he called “Power Thoughts”. Aptly named. I happened upon this one tonight (in 2017):
“One of the most sobering thoughts I have ever been confronted with is this: ‘What you are someday going to be, you are now becoming.’
Right at this very moment in time, you are exactly what you have been in the process of becoming – all your life.
So? Are you the person you dreamed of becoming?
How close are you to becoming the type of person you want to be?
Even right now, you are in the process of becoming the person you will be in an hour. In a day. Next month. The coming year. In two, five or in a decade.
And the habits? Those you have now – and will begin to acquire and accumulate – determine the person you will eventually, someday, become.
If you are not now doing the things that you need to do, to become what you want to be, what makes you believe that you ever will?
What is preventing you from becoming that person? The one you want to become?
It is incumbent upon you to choose to begin now.
Situations or circumstances should never determine the when, if or how you begin.
So?
Just begin. And begin right now.
For what you are now becoming, is what you will someday be.”
“Towards the end of my tenure in youth football, I bought a pail, gathered some dirt and shared with the kids the idea of “rubbing some dirt on it”. A way to get past the aches and pains in all forms that accompany football and life.
The pail was set on the practice field and by the bench at each game for whomever needed or wanted some.
Seems like we can all use some dirt at some time in our life.
Below is my post to them: “
You might have noticed a pail sitting by my bags and equipment boxes today.
In that pail, lay some of the most fertile soil around. Dark, rich, 100% Lemke Park dirt. At one time, it could have been home to corn, wheat or soybeans. Perhaps even hay.
But now, it grows the best piece of grass in all of Mequon-Thiensville. Even to this day, a farm of sorts if you will. Where some of the best young men and football players in the state are grown. So it stands to reason, that because both – grass and football players – grow so well out there, there must be something about that dirt.
Not just organic.
But truly medicinal in nature.
Sure we have ice packs, tape, pro-wrap, pads and band-aids.
But we also got that dirt.
In that pail.
So the next time things don’t go your way, there are moments of anxiety, disappointment and just plain fear, take some.
If you find yourself making more than your fair share of mistakes and feeling sorry for yourself, help yourself to a pinch.
Have bruises on top of bruises? Aches ? Pains ? Scrapes? Boo boos? Or just plain worn out ?
Grab a handful and apply some to where it hurts.
Just think of what that grass goes through; getting walked on, run across, torn up, scuffed, staked, driven over, flooded and frozen each winter. And yet, it still just wants to keep coming back.
Sort of what young men and football players are meant to do too.
So when those times come – and they will – you need some. I will make sure the pail will be there. Filled with that dark, rich, 100% Lemke Park dirt.
Soil that is home to the best piece of grass in town.
Semantics, marketing and social media trends seem to somehow rule each day. It might be something oriented to draw out the athlete hidden deep within us. Maybe it is a phrase intended to bring out the leader that resides next to that athlete. Perhaps it is self defense tactics involving toxic environments and others. Or, a call to reveal one’s true character.
Now there isn’t anything off about any of these approaches. Not that they do not have relevance, sustainability or the potential for permanence. There is value to each and everyone. From my perspective, it is just that for some reason they appear to be targeted to a very specific group. And as such, the potential impact of what is being presented, said and promoted becomes so focused on one thing, that other ancillary concerns and needs are totally missed.
So as a football coach a year ago, E + R = O was presented to the program. At first glance, some apparent math equation that in our circumstance happened to be geared towards our game and conduct within it. But then, I came across this approach within some of the corporate social media I read and write about. And even more so in things that involve leadership, character, achievement.
You name it, Mr. Kight’s foundation for making the life you choose is everywhere
But now, I have started to see it from an entirely different perspective.
You can gear up things that apply to very specific targets. To become known for a prowess that speaks to a very specific audience. Perhaps some KPI. Or, since you have developed these tactics that have the potential to embrace a much wider group, perhaps it can be presented as that first, then as a dollar oriented approach.
The event plus response equals outcome viewpoint literally applies to all aspects of life. Not just athletics, business, self improvement or any other interest of the moment.
It goes far deeper than all the above.
Imagine you encounter an event in your life that beckons an urgent response. Maybe it is a health issue. A relationship challenge. Spiritual collapse. Alcohol or drug abuse. A self destructive behavior you somehow made your own. Loneliness.
All in their own right, entities not designed to fit a marketing driven collection of buzz words, phrases and such designed to attract likes, clicks and impressions. But rather, to fit into something with an altogether different gravity and mass.
An event you now face, plus the response you choose to make and how that will eventually create the outcome sought.
We all face them. We all need to respond accordingly. And then, we need to either accept the outcome, go back and amend our response and continue this assessment until the event has been overcome.
Or just accept things and call in the dogs.
Events are never trumpeted, announced or heralded. Well, not usually. And the tenor of these occurrences should not determine the fealty of the way things are encountered, embraced or enjoined.
We need merely to respond in a fashion that produces what we ultimately desire to achieve.
Whether we acknowledge it or not.
So, while an event prescribes a certain response, it may not be within our grasp to do so at this moment. It may be timing, circumstance, presence, placement or an unwillingness to accept the need for change. A stubbornness born of seeing things through your well worn rose colored specs.
Though response to an event will ultimately equate to an outcome, events and responses may be ill equipped to produce if not properly discerned, honestly approached and embraced with an element of surrender.
If you can somehow adhere to this equation at this level, all other situations will follow suit, providing the genuine, warranted and desired outcome.
Remain present in the event. Be honest with yourself about the response that is required.
“I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.”
— Leonardo Da Vinci
At some point, action is required.
It just is.
And you must “do.”
It is a trait of leadership to be able to not only recognize this vacuum but pour yourself into it. That singular moment that must be met and filled. With effort. Commitment. And character.
There is no manual, class or team dinner game sheet that will tell you when.
You just have to be fully embraced in it, be aware of it, and respond.
You may fail once, twice or ten times.
But simply knowing when the moment arrives and knowing what to do will not suffice.
My mom’s father, Grandpa Cordts, “knew no strangers”. Whenever I was with him out in public, at the store, getting gas, buying worms or playing putt-putt, everyone within sight and sound seemed to know him.
That isn’t to say that he or they did. It is just that EVERYONE he encountered each day, no matter the circumstance, investment or need was approached as a friend. Someone that went way back. The one in the back row of the picture. A compatriot.
Was not aware of it then, but as I go about daily life now, how he went about life left an impression on me. As it stands, I don’t know any strangers either.
And when you go about it in that fashion, you cannot believe what you learn.
Once they recognize that they can just be open, all sorts of things flow out. Not that they are meant to be sewed all over. Just that they want me to hear and know it. Shared as a friend. With trust and an understanding that it was in some sense collaborative, restorative and affirmative.
And is ain’t all one sided. You share as well. In an equally genuine fashion. Maybe you only see them the next week, month or year. Perhaps never again. But they did. You did.
And it was something.
Maybe substantial in certain situations. Maybe just the spur of the moment.
But again, if you think about it, not really ordinary. In all actuality, those chance moments become special. Not because they were designed that way. But simply because they were.
Unordinary.
Like them.
And what we – and they – chose to make that encounter to be.
...my temporary assignment. 