Tag Archives: life

Finally.

Posted on by
Reply
Daily writing prompt
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
View all responses

I see this question two ways.

Imagine that.

What are you scared to do? And, what are you scared of doing? What is it that you fear to attempt versus what is it that you have done but are fearful of doing again. Seperate avenues of life to share and elucidate.

To be honest, haven’t really given the former much thought. I might be willing to sky dive, but never really held much interest. Since I really do not have a bucket list, there isn’t a spot to put that one on pause. Don’t have the cranial makeup to scale sky scrapers like Alex did a week or so ago in Taiwan.

Swimming in the ocean is amazing. Jumping off a schooner and snorkeling in the middle of an ocean off the Virgin Islands. Taking a sailboard out in the same waters without a clue was a total blast. Cold calling businesses and turning them into associates and customers is fun to this day. Interviews are fun. Giving and receiving. Speaking to crowds? Fulfilling and missed. Jumping off a third floor fire escape into snow during winter break just because? Well, just because we were stupid. “Skitching” over the snow covered streets in Hinsdale as a teen. Deciding to play college football, and then playing every game for four years.

There are others. But I guess when it comes to being scared to or having a fear to, I think the fear of failure holds the cards. A certain level of embarrassment too. What if I blow it? Get lost? Laughed at? Contusions and abrasions? Fractures? They say “no”? Die? Having never done something before, trying and then having it turn out one way or another is one experience. You get to move on.

But then again, being scared of or having a fear of doing contains many of the same risk factors, but from an entirely different depth and direction. The potential damage to one and others extends far beyond band-aid boo boo’s or a walking boot.

I am scared of and have a fear of letting others down. Again.

Of making bad choices. Of acting out of character. Of behaving like I have all of the answers, that I am the Grand High Exalted Mystic Poobah, and that I know what is best for all everytime and all of the time. Of resentment.

Of not understanding my true worth. Of not staying present. Of withdrawing and building a protective fortress along a steep escarpment.

Of allowing others to determine my value, assess my potential and define my capabilities.

Of not ever realizing who I was.

The therapeutic side of the daily prompt is evident this exact moment.

By discerning what I am scared to as it relates to what I am scared of, an epiphany has enjoined my spirit this weekend.

Those things that one is scared of are those that one is scared to discard, move on from and grow in an entirely different manner and direction. Perhaps being possessed by them for so long offers a twisted, unhealthy and known sense of comfort and security. A bizarre sense of peace brought forth in allowing oneself to be held captive by them. Being scared to finally understand and move on was allowed to be overwhelmed by being scared of allowing that change.

To finally grow. To finally understand. To finally forgive. To finally connect. To finally live.

To finally be.

Finally.

Nothing to be scared of.

Whatsoever.

Finally.

Did I miss something?

Posted on by
Reply
Daily writing prompt
What do you complain about the most?
View all responses

My stoic nature being what it is, one would think by appearance alone, all I do is complain. Perhaps there is an element of truth to that revelation. Take it as you wish, I think this is how I complain.

First, no offense intended by using some of the following statements and inherent descriptions. They pretty much say it like it is about this guy and how I see things.

I am another version of OCD.

Obsessive/cleaning/coordinating/combining/correcting/clarifying/composing/confronting/considering/congratulating/disorder. Maybe I missed a few. Oh, completing. If I think of more, I will circle back. But I digress….

I like things to be in order. Not always mine. Just in order so that we have time to live. In establishing a pattern, things flow, they happen and there are little or no distractions created to take one off their game. So dishes get done, washer filled and unfilled, dirty clothes in laundry room waiting their turn, recyling routine, beds made. You know a sense of order. Not perfection, that ain’t possible. Just intention. So I can bore you all with this prompt today. Aren’t you glad.

So where the complaining comes in is pretty much internal. I live the flow around here, and when I see something that could go better or makes more sense based on how we live, then I just adjust accordingly. Don’t tell them to do it. Just do it myself and let things happen. No one comes home to discover the laundry room now in the living room to improve efficiency and recycling bins in the kitchen. (Yet) Just looking at the big picture and smoothing out rough edges.

Sort of how I coach too.

I understand the objectives, see the big picture and figure out ways to gain growth, improvement, achievement and excellence. Not in a complaining, hen pecking, diminishing and scolding manner. Rather, gaining trust, understand what it is I see in you, let me show you how to get there. Then, just play. Practice is for practice; coaching them up, fine tuning, instilling self discipline, repetition, trust. Games are games. Times to be encouraged, reminded to stick with the fundamentals, stay together and have fun.

Applies to my current vocation as well. Job development for those with diverse abilities is just like coaching football in my estimation. No pads to speak of, except maybe to protect one from beating themselves up. But hey, we all do that, don’t we? Work the fundamentals, practice, observe and let them play. Some of the interviews I have witnessed were way better than a come from behind game on the field.

So, from a strictly definition oriented standpoint, I really do not have anything to complain about.

Not a thing.

Could I be more patient, understanding and listen better? Heck yeah.

Could I smile more than twice a year? Yup.

Stop the internal fussing? Wait, who’s fussing?

Let things be? I will get back to you on that.

In the end, I get to be my OCD self, as currently described above. Live a life around those that get it. And still be loved.

No complaints whatsoever.

Whew.

Wait.

Did I miss something?

We are all connected.

Posted on by
Reply

Today, Bishop Barron shared this poignant thought with us; “God’s love can truly dwell in us only in the measure that we give it away.”

That loop of grace.

So many opportunities present themselves each day to give the gift of your personal care, support and love. Not with the intention acheiving some KPI, in the form of money, immaterial transactions, offerings. But to genuinely just give the gift of yourself to and for another.

Opening a door expresses you acknowledge they are worth your effort.

A simple smile shares some actual joy of the moment that is meant to be shared.

Allowing them to get in line ahead of you, turn first at the intersection, take that parking spot, or offering them your cart moves them ahead of your needs at that instant. A glimpse of their importance to you. Making it about them.

Saying “hi, how are you?” passing a stranger in a store. Might be the only voice they hear all day.

Or better yet, stopping to actually listen if that stranger starts to share how they are, what is troubling them, the challenge they are about to face, how rough the day has been so far, or just a “thanks!” for saying “Hi”.

Perhaps the breakfast place is busy but short staffed. You can see it in the wait staffs eyes and body. They are exhausted, but yet, make you feel like you were sitting in your own kitchen. Eye contact, a smile, kind words and some generosity when you tip might help them overcome that distress. Not that money buys everything. Just that you recognize their effort, attention and commitment. You love the way they work.

There aren’t gonna be any bill boards or text messages alerting you to be aware of these moments. You just need to be present. Caught up less in yourself so you can be more so for others around you. Small things yes. But they can build. They will see, feel and experience the best version of you. You may help reveal the best in them and bring about true connection.

Doing it for others is the best way to actually do it for yourself. It truly is a loop.

Believe it as such.

We are all connected.

Winner take all.

Posted on by
Reply
Daily writing prompt
What would you do if you won the lottery?
View all responses

From a strictly monetary sense, I would erase all personal debt and that of my family and extended family. I would continue my path of donation as it is now, adding more support and benefactors as I see fit.

I would have a debit card with a large balance that I could carry around and buy someone a tank of gas while I fill up at Kwik Trip, a family’s meal at a restaurant I am at, the cart full of groceries behind me in line at the store, the supplies the young couple are buying to paint their house as I am getting some for me. Essentially just sharing what I have been given, day by day, until it is all gone.

From a spiritual sense, there are days I feel like I have won it already. Over and over. Horsing around with my two older grandkids. Holding my newest granddaughter for the first time. Helping one of my protégés find employment and further their independence. Watching another develop and grow within his vocation. Coaching for Special Olympics and seeing those young men and women succeed. Hearing words once used in coaching being used by another.

Seeing another sunrise. Watching my downstairs garden grow. Venus next to the moon and Orion over the house. Being a part of a spiritual fellowship. Hugs from my kids. Fuzzy farts from my grandson. Hearing my best friend laugh.

I guess when all is said and done, a lottery isn’t really confined to some hyped up game that is made or unmade when some numbers are called. Every day can be like one. You just have to be there for all those drawings. Big. Small. Known. Coincidence.

Winner take all.

Without me.

Posted on by
Reply
Daily writing prompt
What makes a good leader?
View all responses

Upon some reflection over the past few days, I think it is presence.

Being there for others physically is very important. The language that only the body can speak is crucial in certain situations and circumstances. That settling stature when calm is needed to overcome a tempest. Rolling up the sleeves and getting after it with the team to help lessen a stressful load.

A firm, loving, parental engagement when discipline is called for and correction is needed. A hand on the back, an arm around the shoulder or a smile when the feces hits the fan. Joining in with your own lame, success dance when things exceed expectations.

As a leader, it is crucial that others get to know you in this fashion. From the outside in. Authenticity is meant to be just that. Anything feigned on the outside will only reveal what is actually going on within. The two cannot be at odds with one another.

Quite literally, “what you see absolutely has to be what you get.” Any acting on the part of a leader will be seen precisely as that. A dishonest delivery will be seen by all. This isn’t about the academy taking notice. It is about supporting, affirming and growing those around you.

That being said, a leader must possess an equally visible, palpable and honest appearance in a somewhat metaphysical or spiritual sense.

We all operate and are guided by a personal philosophy. A foundation that was poured as we were raised, renovated by every experience encountered and reinforced by how we chose to respond to them. From a leadership standpoint, the bar then gets raised substantially. For how we see ourselves is largely going to dictate how we view others and what we see in them.

If you are convinced that you know it all, have to control everything and that no one on your team can do it as well as you, those around you will recognize that approach in you. The terse tone, the commanding body language, direct sentence structure and the development of leadership cliques will make your “style” quite apparent. Unless you recruit a group of indivudals that have no sense of value or worth, have been shamed their entire existence and are willing to be bullied, then you can pretty much hang up your leader hat.

A leader recognizes that his time is temporary. That he or she will move on to another challenge or different phase of life. That being said, it is incumbent on the leader to learn of the talents and aspirations that surround them, and acknowledge what they lack themselves so that all can contribute in a genuine and lasting way to the growth and success of the group. And one another.

This tone, the open body language, inclusive sentence structure and coaching of leadership radiates through all. The genuine care and support are felt not only within the group, but ripples out. Those on your team express their gratitude and experience to others, funneling potential recruits towards the group. They not only want what is best for themselves, but they also want the same for others in their lives.

This is humility plain and simple.

An admission that I am in need of all of you to achieve what it is we set out to do. I am not able to do this alone. I do not have the talents, skills and drive that we have together. And I am not going to be here forever. Ultimately, my “job” is to help you to grow into a position that you can all work and learn to lead yourselves.

Without me.