Tag Archives: love

Did I miss something?

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Daily writing prompt
What do you complain about the most?
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My stoic nature being what it is, one would think by appearance alone, all I do is complain. Perhaps there is an element of truth to that revelation. Take it as you wish, I think this is how I complain.

First, no offense intended by using some of the following statements and inherent descriptions. They pretty much say it like it is about this guy and how I see things.

I am another version of OCD.

Obsessive/cleaning/coordinating/combining/correcting/clarifying/composing/confronting/considering/congratulating/disorder. Maybe I missed a few. Oh, completing. If I think of more, I will circle back. But I digress….

I like things to be in order. Not always mine. Just in order so that we have time to live. In establishing a pattern, things flow, they happen and there are little or no distractions created to take one off their game. So dishes get done, washer filled and unfilled, dirty clothes in laundry room waiting their turn, recyling routine, beds made. You know a sense of order. Not perfection, that ain’t possible. Just intention. So I can bore you all with this prompt today. Aren’t you glad.

So where the complaining comes in is pretty much internal. I live the flow around here, and when I see something that could go better or makes more sense based on how we live, then I just adjust accordingly. Don’t tell them to do it. Just do it myself and let things happen. No one comes home to discover the laundry room now in the living room to improve efficiency and recycling bins in the kitchen. (Yet) Just looking at the big picture and smoothing out rough edges.

Sort of how I coach too.

I understand the objectives, see the big picture and figure out ways to gain growth, improvement, achievement and excellence. Not in a complaining, hen pecking, diminishing and scolding manner. Rather, gaining trust, understand what it is I see in you, let me show you how to get there. Then, just play. Practice is for practice; coaching them up, fine tuning, instilling self discipline, repetition, trust. Games are games. Times to be encouraged, reminded to stick with the fundamentals, stay together and have fun.

Applies to my current vocation as well. Job development for those with diverse abilities is just like coaching football in my estimation. No pads to speak of, except maybe to protect one from beating themselves up. But hey, we all do that, don’t we? Work the fundamentals, practice, observe and let them play. Some of the interviews I have witnessed were way better than a come from behind game on the field.

So, from a strictly definition oriented standpoint, I really do not have anything to complain about.

Not a thing.

Could I be more patient, understanding and listen better? Heck yeah.

Could I smile more than twice a year? Yup.

Stop the internal fussing? Wait, who’s fussing?

Let things be? I will get back to you on that.

In the end, I get to be my OCD self, as currently described above. Live a life around those that get it. And still be loved.

No complaints whatsoever.

Whew.

Wait.

Did I miss something?

We are all connected.

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Today, Bishop Barron shared this poignant thought with us; “God’s love can truly dwell in us only in the measure that we give it away.”

That loop of grace.

So many opportunities present themselves each day to give the gift of your personal care, support and love. Not with the intention acheiving some KPI, in the form of money, immaterial transactions, offerings. But to genuinely just give the gift of yourself to and for another.

Opening a door expresses you acknowledge they are worth your effort.

A simple smile shares some actual joy of the moment that is meant to be shared.

Allowing them to get in line ahead of you, turn first at the intersection, take that parking spot, or offering them your cart moves them ahead of your needs at that instant. A glimpse of their importance to you. Making it about them.

Saying “hi, how are you?” passing a stranger in a store. Might be the only voice they hear all day.

Or better yet, stopping to actually listen if that stranger starts to share how they are, what is troubling them, the challenge they are about to face, how rough the day has been so far, or just a “thanks!” for saying “Hi”.

Perhaps the breakfast place is busy but short staffed. You can see it in the wait staffs eyes and body. They are exhausted, but yet, make you feel like you were sitting in your own kitchen. Eye contact, a smile, kind words and some generosity when you tip might help them overcome that distress. Not that money buys everything. Just that you recognize their effort, attention and commitment. You love the way they work.

There aren’t gonna be any bill boards or text messages alerting you to be aware of these moments. You just need to be present. Caught up less in yourself so you can be more so for others around you. Small things yes. But they can build. They will see, feel and experience the best version of you. You may help reveal the best in them and bring about true connection.

Doing it for others is the best way to actually do it for yourself. It truly is a loop.

Believe it as such.

We are all connected.

Without me.

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Daily writing prompt
What makes a good leader?
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Upon some reflection over the past few days, I think it is presence.

Being there for others physically is very important. The language that only the body can speak is crucial in certain situations and circumstances. That settling stature when calm is needed to overcome a tempest. Rolling up the sleeves and getting after it with the team to help lessen a stressful load.

A firm, loving, parental engagement when discipline is called for and correction is needed. A hand on the back, an arm around the shoulder or a smile when the feces hits the fan. Joining in with your own lame, success dance when things exceed expectations.

As a leader, it is crucial that others get to know you in this fashion. From the outside in. Authenticity is meant to be just that. Anything feigned on the outside will only reveal what is actually going on within. The two cannot be at odds with one another.

Quite literally, “what you see absolutely has to be what you get.” Any acting on the part of a leader will be seen precisely as that. A dishonest delivery will be seen by all. This isn’t about the academy taking notice. It is about supporting, affirming and growing those around you.

That being said, a leader must possess an equally visible, palpable and honest appearance in a somewhat metaphysical or spiritual sense.

We all operate and are guided by a personal philosophy. A foundation that was poured as we were raised, renovated by every experience encountered and reinforced by how we chose to respond to them. From a leadership standpoint, the bar then gets raised substantially. For how we see ourselves is largely going to dictate how we view others and what we see in them.

If you are convinced that you know it all, have to control everything and that no one on your team can do it as well as you, those around you will recognize that approach in you. The terse tone, the commanding body language, direct sentence structure and the development of leadership cliques will make your “style” quite apparent. Unless you recruit a group of indivudals that have no sense of value or worth, have been shamed their entire existence and are willing to be bullied, then you can pretty much hang up your leader hat.

A leader recognizes that his time is temporary. That he or she will move on to another challenge or different phase of life. That being said, it is incumbent on the leader to learn of the talents and aspirations that surround them, and acknowledge what they lack themselves so that all can contribute in a genuine and lasting way to the growth and success of the group. And one another.

This tone, the open body language, inclusive sentence structure and coaching of leadership radiates through all. The genuine care and support are felt not only within the group, but ripples out. Those on your team express their gratitude and experience to others, funneling potential recruits towards the group. They not only want what is best for themselves, but they also want the same for others in their lives.

This is humility plain and simple.

An admission that I am in need of all of you to achieve what it is we set out to do. I am not able to do this alone. I do not have the talents, skills and drive that we have together. And I am not going to be here forever. Ultimately, my “job” is to help you to grow into a position that you can all work and learn to lead yourselves.

Without me.

And then, locked.

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As I move forward in self reclamation, I find that past experiences and the words used to describe them have now, somehow become much more lucid. Nothing really made that much sense for the longest time. It just sort of was. Now, the only explanation I can relate to you is that it was found in the divine.

Initially, there was this strong, outward focused sense of resentment I not only harbored but protected for some reason, for a very long time. Perhaps strategic safeguarding was purposeful; a response to avoid personal responsibility and genuine self honesty. Then, the ego can remain untouched, intact and exonerated. Upon further reflection, this very well may be the impact of living with a rectal cranial inversion my whole life.

True, I resented others, situations and individuals, for what they allegedly did to me. Upon deeper and more genuine discernment, that just wasn’t the case. You see, the true culprit was not others, but me. I somehow came to embrace self-resentment. As if I was watching this guy – Mark – from the audience. Recognized him by his appearance, but didn’t know who I was, understand what I was able do, recognize how I was able to be or value anything I brought to the table.

To accomplish the tasks of self-resentment, I took my misconceptions, perceptions and aggressions into arenas that confirmed my illusions. Personally and professionally. Having others determine me because I was essentially clueless in that department. Not their doing. Mine. Driven by some apparition of what I was to myself.

Not quite sure how that all began or why, but it did left uncontrolled, running rough shod over me and my life until just about now. The path to understanding resentment initially led me to better understand my self-resentment. Then, I sensed the presence of a caring voice from within.

It directed me to self-awareness, self-perception and self-esteem. Things I had heard of, but never really invested the time to fully understand and embrace. Because I was ticked off about not being valued. Because I sought that from others. Because I didn’t like myself for not being valuable. Because I was consumed by total self-ignorance.

Another whisper from that same voice emerged. It told me I was valued, worthy, needed and loved. Not just once. But over and over. Listening led not only to better understanding, but actually recognizing those truths. Finally, by beginning to embrace all that was shared with me, resentment has now been shown the door. The “self” version was also included in that request. Though they may be taking their sweet time, the door will soon be closed.

And then, locked.

Ever.

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Daily writing prompt
Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?
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Actually, there have been several of late.

Getting hugs from the young men I coached in football this fall before their wrestling meet last night.

Laying on the floor with my grandson, he crawls over, looks at me and gives me a head bump with his baby noggin. And then just holds it there.

Stopping over to meet my newest granddaughter for the first time, and having my son open the door with her in his arms and ask, “…so you want to hold her?”

Hearing from my buddies from highschool.

Dancing like a couple of dorks in the kitchen with my best friend.

Coming across friends that just listen and support. No matter what.

I think I get too focused on making it an event instead of just being fully in the moment. Making it into something is a distraction, essentially pulling you away from the bond of that instant. Just being all in, right there, makes all the difference in your life.

To take it one step further, I know shocking and totally out of character, connect the dots back to where it all started. For reasons yet to be understood, sometimes you just don’t truly understand your own value, worth and impact. That can become quite the obstacle, acting to ensnare you into bad choices, demeaning behaviors and dangerous directions.

Then those small moments happen. Somehow right when you could use it. Maybe you don’t realize you do, but they present themselves as a gift. And if you stay right where you are and accept it with an attitude of gratitude, some of the weight and worry come off, replaced with a warm sense of wonder.

You know what they say about coincidence, right?

He knows exactly what you need. When you need it most. If you can fully stay in that moment, you will feel what has been lacking. A true sense of worth and value in a way that casts an impression that remains forever. You will want more.

Some of the best examples of being loved.

Ever.