Tag Archives: love

Boy do they ever.

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This time of year is especially wondrous for me.

I veered off this path for whatever reason some years back. If you are not present, you cannot appreciate where you are and what what you are becoming. Shiny things can appear and once they begin to catch on and command your attention, they multiply. Hiding honesty about a past and inhibiting the truth yet to be. My focus is much better. I am seeing things for what they are.

These past twenty seven days have been illuminating to say the least. Things are different. The written and spoken word have new meaning and depth. Cannot say I have the answers, but man do things make some semblance of sense. Finally. Just keep that clock ticking so I can experience more.

Please.

So, there was the story in John this week about His encounter with a man, blind since birth. I read many of the reflections shared about it and the significance and meaning of His gift. It found a home in my thoughts that have since grown to become some rare and perpetual insight for this old man.

We are all of the earth. And once it is our time, to that we shall return.

But in the interim, by no means is our vision meant to be held solely to those worldly matters. Dirt for lack of a better term. I cannot speak to the man who came into being on this earth blind. But it struck me that He made a hyrdating compress consisting of dirt and His holy water and applied it directly to his afflicted vision. He wished him to be held souly to what He saw in and for him.

Those that pranced about in their costumes and “Holy” garb monitored His actions closely. Taking account of his sabbath violations and untoward behavior. Actually tending to those that needed it most no matter the penalties that would be accrued towards and against Him. Strange how they too were blind to what was really happening. Pride, position, status and most of all – ego – blend themselves into a compress of blindness all their own. Distorting sight to an appreciation of only those things to be had here. Of this earth.

So the man of no known origins, once gifted his heavenly mud pack, was then sent to Siloam. To bathe and allow the waters to cleanse him. Baptismal in nature? A washing away of the sins of this world, emphatically covering his eyes, so that he could finally possess sight? Not just things of this world. But actually “see” what life can be here and now, using a loving mold of His making.

To bad those adorned in the dirt of this world refused to take heed of the same exact offering. Too offensive a suggestion to remove the attire of earthly desires so they too could actually see. Chances are, many if not all of them were too blind since birth. If I can be honest, that seems to have been my challenge as well. So caught up with ego and what is made only here that I was never able to see what is given so that I may last forever. Grace that will shepard us far beyond the dirt from whence we came.

He applied it to my eyes long ago. I just never consented to listening so that I would consent to wash it away. Didn’t think I needed to. Afterall, I was in charge. Plus, it would have violated my personal sabbath rules and regimen. My pharisee-ical nature would never have allowed that.

Consent isn’t so much the correct word. It means I have control. Talk about misnomers.

Acceptance is far more like it.

Since I let go, He removed the dirt. An ongoing baptism if you will.

And with that, things sure look so different.

Boy do they ever.

Being present.

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Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
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I am typically an optimist. I have learned to look for and then find the opportunity that lay in all forms of adversity, negative feelings included. Both are never “if” but only “when” moments. Not that one necessarily embarks on a search for them. I think it just behooves us to see them as such and press on.

Speaking from years of experience, negative feelings can have a variety of sources. Maybe this is something for another day. I just know their origins come from within, part of your make. From without, somehow energized by interactions found in everyday life. Those from within may impact how you perceive the ones from without. And those without may behave similarly on those within.

So as with adversity, there is much ado about the sensory aspects of that moment as well as maintaining presence. By that I mean, staying right where you are. Present.

My negative feelings first became inextricably woven into the past. Always returning to the bent corner of the page in that part of my story so I could re-read, re-live, re-shame and re-torture myself for something I did or didn’t from long, long ago. Way too many volumes for this library.

Then, they may have a need to jump ahead in time, to something that hasn’t even happened. To a large extent, that flavor was ego stating I already knew what was going to happen, because you know, I was in control of everything. Funny that if you are convinced you run it, you somehow cannot make everything work out.

My self inflicted negativity, whether through creation or response, cannot survive the present. Absent tending and nurturing the garden variety sins of the past, or, fomenting angst, anxiety and defeat by scheduling ahead, these thoughts cannot survive, let alone grow and thrive.

Choosing to simply and only accept and learn from the past helps kill those roots so new grass can take hold. And deciding not live out over your skis, you will actually begin to appreciate what is right here with you. Being present, right here, right now, reduces, if not completely eradicates negative thoughts.

They are seen for what they truly are. Like the approaching storm, they too will pass.

I have determined that they have no business in my life. And that is just going to be the way it is.

The gift that keeps on giving.

Being present.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

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Daily writing prompt
What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?
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Oh my.

From a cinema perspective, I have seen the original Star Wars trilogy – Episode IV: A New Hope (1977), Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980), and Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983) – starting first in the theatres first and then on to watching at home in various ways, more than a dozen times.

I saw the first three Lord of the Rings – The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, The Return of the King – when they opened in the theatres, and at least a half dozen times on the home screen now. Sort of jumped in when Titanic appeared, and have been watching that one when it surfaces during an evening of dead sea scrolling. Deadpool is up there, The Dark Knight, and the like are in the five plus crowd.

But by far, the most watched movie for me, spanning decades is:

I always find something different in it. The scene where Harry exalts his brother: “A toast to my big brother George: The richest man in town” still brings tears. Just did now. I will watch that one all the way to the end. Literally and figuratively.

TV shows?

That gets a little more complex.

Growing up in the suburbs, Sunday nights on the local WTTW station meant joining the circus.

Being that it was on Sundays meant me and my brother would watch it religiously. That is simply a pun. God, you know me.

Later in life, it became AFV, replacing the Pythons, every Sunday evening.

The ones where people get the crap scared out of them are the best. Kids in the flour bags and make up drawer a close second.

But this is where it gets tricky.

I have always loved the original Tom and Jerry cartoons. Tex Avery and Looney Toons close second and third. But then newer iterations get mixed in, like Shemps and Joes. But I could watch Tom, Jerry and Butch whack each other all day.

But by George, the longest running favorite of mine ever, though they are technically shorts, are by far, Moe, Larrry and Curly.

I have been watching them since my preteens and still watch them every week in my mid sixties.

We used to go to midnight Stooges festivals at the local theatre during highschool. And they have found a place on Me TV, from 5:00 to 7:00 PM each Saturday night. Leading into Svengoolie, another one I used to enjoy on WFLD back on the day.

In short, it’s a wonderful life when you can spread out and pick two.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

That is where you truly find life.

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Daily writing prompt
How has a failure, or apparent failure, set you up for later success?
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I am going to step back on this one and do a deep dive on failure.

There! I finally used that sterling expression I heard multiple times at “meetings” in the business world. Wait. Just thought of an even better one. Almost pornographic in construction. “Pull back the kimono.” Now there is a gem. There, I think I met my KPI’s for the day. But once again, sorry folks, I digress….

In my estimation, failure is less an event than it is a mindset. There is some veracity to other more cliche’ utterances, like “doomed to fail”, “repeating history” and the one closest to my personality and experience, “setting himself up for failure.” All are mental and attitudinal precursors to hitting bottom.

When you go about things perched on a pedastal of your own construction, things are not likely to flow well. They may appear as together and synchronous from the outside, about a layer or two down, but when you get down at the core, things are an absolute mess.

Ego is the culprit. From whatever cause, for whatever reason, by any means necessary, ego can sink the ship. Does the name Titanic ring a bell?

It might be a need to be right. Always. To have all of the answers. Always. Control every situation and outcome. Always. Sit in judgement of others. Always.

Be God.

It could also be the salve for damages incurred at the hands of others.

The ever deep bruises of shame. The emptiness wrought by no esteem. Allowing others to assess your worth and value. Not having a clue as to who you are or how others see you.

Those just provided right there pretty much sums up the triggers leading to my foray in to ego. A way of being that created my environment fertile for failure. Decades in the making. And unbreaking.

Failures of my own making.

First, they started off as the small, just brush them off varieties, promoting dishonesty.

Giving growth to “….well, I will just be more careful next time”. Another layer or three of self deception and duplicity.

Finally, leaving port and moving onto a succession of personal Titanics.

“Iceberg?”

Let me tell you, treading water for a couple of years inspired me to accept the preserver of humility, truth and faith. Lasting and finally honest life lessons. Now that I found dry land, I am happy to say I am working my way into more of the AP curriculum these days.

How one could ever promote a deeper dive by pulling back the kimono is lost on me.

But sinking to the bottom?

That is where you truly find life.

In that I trust.

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Was hoping there might be a compelling quote I could find somewhere to start me on my way today. But alas, I just wasn’t meant to be I guess. Come on heart, mind and soul. Get something together here. Fingers are getting antsy…

“Empty me, fill me, use me” is a refrain that has just woven itself into this ratty old, thread bare fabric.

A natural progression for growth offered by chance. Just happened to be there when it was shared. Nothing at all close to some version of a “to do” or “bucket” list. I do the laundry, some of the shopping, chores and empty the compost pile bucket when the flies become unmanageable. There I go again. But I digress.

These six words residing in this single phrase simply presents a way “to be”. Both literally and figuratively.

Providing direction for this lost soul to move, for once, in a positive and lasting manner. Not telling me. Offering me help to overcome all that has to now, held me back. Prevented me from seeing and knowing the best version of myself. For my purposes to a limited extent. But absolutely more so that others can see and know that side of me as well. Honesty at its most fundamental best..

And then there is the other side of this divinely minted coin.

The admission of being totally lost and bereft of anything other than dismay, despair, disappointment and self disgust. The desperate need of absolution from thinking, speaking and acting like I know everything, can take care of everything, and change everything.

Forgiveness for my multitude of mistakes, an ego that has run the fence line for far too long and placing myself on some abstract personal pedastal.

The confession that humility, gratitude and a boundless fatherly love are what this prodigal son desperately needs right now.

And the sincere offering to embrace being used however, whenever, wherever and in whatever manner is needed.

The onset of these forty days has really opened this man’s eyes, mind, heart and soul. Body still lags a little behind. Lost a few steps. But it will get there.

So please empty me.

Not just this once, but continually. There is a lot to move out.

And there is so much room for improvement.

You know exactly what needs to go in there.

In that I trust.