Tag Archives: love

In that I trust.

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Was hoping there might be a compelling quote I could find somewhere to start me on my way today. But alas, I just wasn’t meant to be I guess. Come on heart, mind and soul. Get something together here. Fingers are getting antsy…

“Empty me, fill me, use me” is a refrain that has just woven itself into this ratty old, thread bare fabric.

A natural progression for growth offered by chance. Just happened to be there when it was shared. Nothing at all close to some version of a “to do” or “bucket” list. I do the laundry, some of the shopping, chores and empty the compost pile bucket when the flies become unmanageable. There I go again. But I digress.

These six words residing in this single phrase simply presents a way “to be”. Both literally and figuratively.

Providing direction for this lost soul to move, for once, in a positive and lasting manner. Not telling me. Offering me help to overcome all that has to now, held me back. Prevented me from seeing and knowing the best version of myself. For my purposes to a limited extent. But absolutely more so that others can see and know that side of me as well. Honesty at its most fundamental best..

And then there is the other side of this divinely minted coin.

The admission of being totally lost and bereft of anything other than dismay, despair, disappointment and self disgust. The desperate need of absolution from thinking, speaking and acting like I know everything, can take care of everything, and change everything.

Forgiveness for my multitude of mistakes, an ego that has run the fence line for far too long and placing myself on some abstract personal pedastal.

The confession that humility, gratitude and a boundless fatherly love are what this prodigal son desperately needs right now.

And the sincere offering to embrace being used however, whenever, wherever and in whatever manner is needed.

The onset of these forty days has really opened this man’s eyes, mind, heart and soul. Body still lags a little behind. Lost a few steps. But it will get there.

So please empty me.

Not just this once, but continually. There is a lot to move out.

And there is so much room for improvement.

You know exactly what needs to go in there.

In that I trust.

Clothing need not ever be optional.

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Daily writing prompt
Who are your favorite people to be around?
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For reasons that are still being divined, just having people around me tends to run on the low side. Very low. Qualify that aggregation with “favorite” and that quantity begins to fall away even more.

Perhaps it just took me a while to figure out this most crucial aspect of living. A long while. Like until my mid sixties. But favorites? Yes. I have mine. While I won’t offer any names at this point, I will share what makes them so.

And it brings a smile to this German puss to be able to say that number is growing. Not by any means in leaps and bounds. More like baby steps. About the same gait as my new grandson. But progress all the same. By the time he hits two, I will be swimming in fav’s.

Being encased in my stoic exterior 24/7/365 can appear scary from the exterior I am told. But those with the veneer penetrating gaze and a “who gives a flip I am trying anyways” attitude find it unintimidating to actually get me to smile. I love to engage with others in a genuinely open, and of late, more honest and vulnerable fashion. Far deeper than the weather, dad jokes or work and working out stories.

I want to share truths and deceits, affirmations and abandonments, aspirations and the abyss, lonlieness and love, fear and faith.

Because of this, a gathering of this nature tends to be very minute. But moments with them provide a magnitude of joy rarely known in these parts. That too is changing. And makes me want to be more diligent in offering a smile and as many words I can muster.

My best friend and I have a term we use to describe this kind of vulnerable openess.

We refer to this as being totally naked.

Exposing everything there is about you to another and having them return the favor by doing the same.

In these circumstances, nothing is ever questioned, judged, diminished, shamed or regarded as a flaw. It just is.

One will be speaking their truth. The other one will be truly listening. And when that time comes and the roles begin to reverse, nothing ever changes. It can all come out. It is all received.

Anyone willing to be naked with me in this fashion are by far my favorite people to be around. And always will be.

Clothing need not ever be optional.

And so it will be written.

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Daily writing prompt
If there were a biography about you, what would the title be?
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Boy, this really made me think.

Someone would actually commit themselves to writing my life story. I haven’t been as committed as I should to writing my own. And someone wants that chore? Yikes.

I don’t know how you would combine comedy/horror/drama into one word. Comorrama?

To be honest, Folgers made things percolate a little and brewed up a couple of ideas.

“W.I.P.” That pretty much sets the tone.

Or maybe “Unfinished.”

“What were you thinking?” And should they have the wherewithal to write a sequel, “Or not.”

First, being considered as a potential subject for a biography is tough to grasp. I spent much of my life setting myself apart from others in self destructive manners. That being said, I am not really keen on having that bound between two hard covers so that I can stand out, alone, on some shelf. Had enough of solitary confinement, thank you.

I get that sharing trials and tribulations via the written word may help others to finally see theirs too. But those words cannot just sit, they need to find their way out. I already work on that by other means and ways. Publication is not needed for that venture. Just being fully in the moment with others is.

And what tends to come out when I do this is what should be seen in others. Not because I say so, but simply because it is, and for some reason, it just gets overlooked. That one I have practiced to perfection. Not knowing what it is I have, can be or to the point – am. So I am not sure how that is translated biographically.

I guess that is what first started as motivational tomes for student-athletes has morphed into mostly just insights into the things I finally sense, see and hear. You can start out one way, but if you are open to change, growth and actually living, then good things happen. What you were meant to be comes into view, and that is simply where you want to go.

So a hundred or so words later, still no clue what a biography about me might be called. If I were allowed to bend the rules a smidge, I could go the autobiographical route. Then, “…my temporary assignment” works just fine.

And so it will be written.

Time part 4.

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Back in the day, I shared thoughts with kids in our community youth football program. Things stated and modeled at practice that were worthy of reiteration in written form. One of the formats I used was called “Ten Thoughts”.

After my post this morning, the top two from this set dating back to 2014 jumped out at me.

Time – THE most precious resource you will ever possess.  And if you are not careful in how you use it – it can come to possess you. It is something only to be spent – and despite your efforts otherwise – it proves very difficult to bank.   What you get – is what you get. There is no better time than “now”. So always “be” where you are.  And make the absolute most of your treasured allotment.   

    Time part 2 – sometimes, “things” need to happen on their own time. This has nothing to do with the alignment of stars and planets, destiny or fate. Just how life goes. You might want, work and dream for something in the worst way. Your committed effort might make it happen.  But then again – it might not. When it doesn’t, there is still something of value to be taken from the experience. Learning to persevere  and have faith to name the top two. It all matters.  It all means something. As Tom Petty once said “the waiting is the hardest part.” Yes it is. But one thing is for certain.  Even in the waiting, you are being made ready for something even better. 

    After reading the top two, I would like to share this addition:

    Time part 3 – being somewhere other than right here, right now can become suffocating. Attempting to change what has already been enacted or planning out a reaction to something that has yet to happen can suck the life right out of you.

    The past is meant to be a learning experience, providing you with the wisdom to pursue a path towards greater affirmation. Or, if ego makes itself king, the lesson will be ignored and defeat will become repetitive.

    The future is meant to be embraced as you have made yourself to hold it, but only if and when it happens. Not before. A lack of preparation and presence will leave you stranded from opportunity and fulfillment. You have to be there to “be” then.

    Being present brings with it peace and serenity. Life.

    And joy.

    Perhaps this will someday become another addition.

    Time part 4.

    “Ephphatha” 

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    Today’s reading was very compelling. Especially the reflection that was offered thereafter.

    It shared the story of the deaf man with a speech impediment that was given his hearing and his tongue. How He chose to grant this gift away from the crowds. How the connection was essentially made to plug the man back into life. To the current of truth.

    Like then, finding space away from the crowds today can be a tall order. Especially when we need to be present so that we can truly hear.

    “The raucous voices of so many, the insistent bray of the advertising culture, the confusing Babel of competing spiritualities—all of it makes us deaf to His word.” *

    Not only does this distract us from the truth, it also removes us from the moment. It can send us back in time to past mistakes, errors in judgement and flaws in character. A path that can then rocket us forward to wishing and embracing a self inflicting narrative of deflection, defect and defeat.

    “Things will never get better or change the way I want them to because I am just not worth it.”

    And yet, as I am starting to finally realize, if you can just stay right where you are, in the here and now, then you enter into a wonderful sense of peace and serenity. Acknowledging you cannot go back or jump forward is centering. It can help stave off remorse over what cannot be changed while inhibting anxiety over what change may – or may not – be coming.

    There is no time better than where you are right now.

    Maintaining your presence within this very moment is a place of true connection. With those all around you. With yourself. And most of all, with the One that simply desires to be there with you.

    Perhaps He led that afflicted soul away from the crowds to defer the imminent accolades and preeminence for Him as he regained his ability to hear. And maybe it was also to bring that instant of healing first and foremost in his memory. Within that one moment.

    It’s ironic that being moved to a place of silence created connection and belonging by listening.

    To a voice meant to be heard above the bray.

    “Ephphatha” 

    • Bishop Robert Barron