Tag Archives: personal-growth

That is my goal.

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Daily writing prompt
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?
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Boundaries are a quandary for this guy.

Hence, “no” is harder for me to utter than supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. It would actually be fantastic or wonderful to decline more often than I accede. But alas, that is still a work in progress.

As far as its impact on goals are concerned, I think uttering “no” isn’t a goal protectant as much as it is a personal protectant.

In terms of striving for a goal, a firm “no” here and there could provide help for one to maintain intention, focus and momentum. If not possible, it’s been my experience that a set back here and there actually add to the end accomplishment. More intensity becomes the weapon of choice to get back in sync and finish. Plus, the accompanying zig-zags still produce valuable lessons and knowledge. Like matter, nothing is ever wasted. You just have to adapt to the changes in form.

As in the case of the goal, a personal protectant “no” issued from a point of self-honesty, -awareness and -love could very well add to what is yet to follow as well. Additional intensity in this case is not the requisite. Copious amounts of self-acceptance can help reset the tone. You still have an opportunity to learn, but now it can be absent the pressure to over-perform and represents a chance to remain fully in the moment,.

In terms of striving for, lets call it personal well being, a well placed “no” would actually halt a perceived obligation that you feel you need to keep giving “what you no longer have”, “are no longer able”, or that “you never could in the first place.”

If your intention is to maintain a modicum of peace and serenity in your life and soul, then “no” is a start. Despite the fact that something inside may press you to pack that word away permanently, it is not a sign of selfishness to stick up for yourself, know when the tank is depleted and simply say it. Then take five. Or ten.

It is very difficult for me to say those two letters together.

I wrote the book on boundary-less over-functioning. (lots of hyphens in this one. yikes!) Not sure how the compulsion began, where I found it or why I need to be that way. But it sure taught me some tough lessons. Bruises remain. But I am healing.

To frame it as I did regarding goals, saying “no” needs to be expressed when you finally just can’t. You can ultimately maintain intention, focus and momentum that carries you to bigger and better things not just for you, but for all.

So I can still be there for those that are in need.

But I have to be aware that mine are important too.

And keep it that way.

That is my goal.

Being present.

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Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
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I am typically an optimist. I have learned to look for and then find the opportunity that lay in all forms of adversity, negative feelings included. Both are never “if” but only “when” moments. Not that one necessarily embarks on a search for them. I think it just behooves us to see them as such and press on.

Speaking from years of experience, negative feelings can have a variety of sources. Maybe this is something for another day. I just know their origins come from within, part of your make. From without, somehow energized by interactions found in everyday life. Those from within may impact how you perceive the ones from without. And those without may behave similarly on those within.

So as with adversity, there is much ado about the sensory aspects of that moment as well as maintaining presence. By that I mean, staying right where you are. Present.

My negative feelings first became inextricably woven into the past. Always returning to the bent corner of the page in that part of my story so I could re-read, re-live, re-shame and re-torture myself for something I did or didn’t from long, long ago. Way too many volumes for this library.

Then, they may have a need to jump ahead in time, to something that hasn’t even happened. To a large extent, that flavor was ego stating I already knew what was going to happen, because you know, I was in control of everything. Funny that if you are convinced you run it, you somehow cannot make everything work out.

My self inflicted negativity, whether through creation or response, cannot survive the present. Absent tending and nurturing the garden variety sins of the past, or, fomenting angst, anxiety and defeat by scheduling ahead, these thoughts cannot survive, let alone grow and thrive.

Choosing to simply and only accept and learn from the past helps kill those roots so new grass can take hold. And deciding not live out over your skis, you will actually begin to appreciate what is right here with you. Being present, right here, right now, reduces, if not completely eradicates negative thoughts.

They are seen for what they truly are. Like the approaching storm, they too will pass.

I have determined that they have no business in my life. And that is just going to be the way it is.

The gift that keeps on giving.

Being present.

Time part 4.

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Back in the day, I shared thoughts with kids in our community youth football program. Things stated and modeled at practice that were worthy of reiteration in written form. One of the formats I used was called “Ten Thoughts”.

After my post this morning, the top two from this set dating back to 2014 jumped out at me.

Time – THE most precious resource you will ever possess.  And if you are not careful in how you use it – it can come to possess you. It is something only to be spent – and despite your efforts otherwise – it proves very difficult to bank.   What you get – is what you get. There is no better time than “now”. So always “be” where you are.  And make the absolute most of your treasured allotment.   

    Time part 2 – sometimes, “things” need to happen on their own time. This has nothing to do with the alignment of stars and planets, destiny or fate. Just how life goes. You might want, work and dream for something in the worst way. Your committed effort might make it happen.  But then again – it might not. When it doesn’t, there is still something of value to be taken from the experience. Learning to persevere  and have faith to name the top two. It all matters.  It all means something. As Tom Petty once said “the waiting is the hardest part.” Yes it is. But one thing is for certain.  Even in the waiting, you are being made ready for something even better. 

    After reading the top two, I would like to share this addition:

    Time part 3 – being somewhere other than right here, right now can become suffocating. Attempting to change what has already been enacted or planning out a reaction to something that has yet to happen can suck the life right out of you.

    The past is meant to be a learning experience, providing you with the wisdom to pursue a path towards greater affirmation. Or, if ego makes itself king, the lesson will be ignored and defeat will become repetitive.

    The future is meant to be embraced as you have made yourself to hold it, but only if and when it happens. Not before. A lack of preparation and presence will leave you stranded from opportunity and fulfillment. You have to be there to “be” then.

    Being present brings with it peace and serenity. Life.

    And joy.

    Perhaps this will someday become another addition.

    Time part 4.

    And then, locked.

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    As I move forward in self reclamation, I find that past experiences and the words used to describe them have now, somehow become much more lucid. Nothing really made that much sense for the longest time. It just sort of was. Now, the only explanation I can relate to you is that it was found in the divine.

    Initially, there was this strong, outward focused sense of resentment I not only harbored but protected for some reason, for a very long time. Perhaps strategic safeguarding was purposeful; a response to avoid personal responsibility and genuine self honesty. Then, the ego can remain untouched, intact and exonerated. Upon further reflection, this very well may be the impact of living with a rectal cranial inversion my whole life.

    True, I resented others, situations and individuals, for what they allegedly did to me. Upon deeper and more genuine discernment, that just wasn’t the case. You see, the true culprit was not others, but me. I somehow came to embrace self-resentment. As if I was watching this guy – Mark – from the audience. Recognized him by his appearance, but didn’t know who I was, understand what I was able do, recognize how I was able to be or value anything I brought to the table.

    To accomplish the tasks of self-resentment, I took my misconceptions, perceptions and aggressions into arenas that confirmed my illusions. Personally and professionally. Having others determine me because I was essentially clueless in that department. Not their doing. Mine. Driven by some apparition of what I was to myself.

    Not quite sure how that all began or why, but it did left uncontrolled, running rough shod over me and my life until just about now. The path to understanding resentment initially led me to better understand my self-resentment. Then, I sensed the presence of a caring voice from within.

    It directed me to self-awareness, self-perception and self-esteem. Things I had heard of, but never really invested the time to fully understand and embrace. Because I was ticked off about not being valued. Because I sought that from others. Because I didn’t like myself for not being valuable. Because I was consumed by total self-ignorance.

    Another whisper from that same voice emerged. It told me I was valued, worthy, needed and loved. Not just once. But over and over. Listening led not only to better understanding, but actually recognizing those truths. Finally, by beginning to embrace all that was shared with me, resentment has now been shown the door. The “self” version was also included in that request. Though they may be taking their sweet time, the door will soon be closed.

    And then, locked.

    My temporary assignment.

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    Daily writing prompt
    What is your mission?
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    One of the most precious aspects of this “congregation”, so to speak, is that we all simply get to share. To delve into what is happening between the ears and pur out some of what is swelling within our hearts. Nothing is dictated. No expectation. Rules? Guidelines? KPI’s?

    Nope.

    Just being ourselves, wherever that happens to be in the process. Sharing. Not telling, Advising. Stating. Laying out. Instructing. Simply sharing bits and pieces of ourselves to all that is willing to hear, read and feel. “Prompt” has its own sense and level of urgency tied to it. Not so much, “hey, get off your ass and get going here Hahn!” But a more subtle, “you know, you find writing affirming , fulfilling and just plain old fun, so you should set aside a moment or two to just be, Hahn.”

    All of which fits into the mission. I will phrase it that way for now as that is more honest than claiming ownership of this venture. It is more so a way forward that was offered by another. It is just that I neglected to hear what was being said and see what I was being shown.

    Initially, my mission was one of self destruction masked by the guise of self determination. Knowing all, showing all, telling all and being all to “all” is how I went about “life”, if you want to call it that. Perhaps on a technicality. Being friends, I can share this part of me with you now.

    The faux sense of self determination was born not of self knowledge, but more so of selflessness. Without a true estimation of one’s value, abided by low self esteem, reinforced by a pervasive sense of shame, my mission was to please those around me. When I first discovered this, resentment – focused on those that couldn’t appreciate what I “had” – sank in and took control.

    Upon deeper discernment and reflection, a revelation of sorts made its presence known. Looking back on it, maybe “presents” – like Mr. Keane suggested – is more appropriate. Because what I came to understand unwrapped an ongoing stream of gifts. The ultimate realization that I sought others, relationships and life on the basis of having those experiences confirm my complete self unawareness has provided me with the foundation for an entirely different mission.

    It’s about time.

    Not that traveling this new territory doesn’t come with its share of anxiety, doubts and plain old fear. But it surrounds me with an all encompassing sense of peace and serenity. I can control things in my grasp, like how I react and respond to situations and instances. If I choose to get into disputes. Tell someone what they “need” to do because, you know, I have proven myself as an authority about life. I can engage with everyone around me, or just smile and move on to my next activity.

    Each day reveals another aspect of me that had been cordoned off and unseen for much of my life. The chances I take now are to listen more and choose my words and timing thereof with their feelings being the center of my concern. Carrying around the weight of all those disappointments, regrets and failures is no longer an aspect of my fitness routine. Finally, I can start to utter the phrase, “you aren’t such a bad man after all, Hahn.”

    That being said, for better of for worse, my mission got me to this point. Now that I have come to the conclusion that I desperately need to contract out any updates or new versions of my true vocation, He will be taking the reins.

    It wasn’t really my mission all along. I just thought it was. Now, looking back, it has always been His. I just needed to figure that out and let go so I could get after it.

    My temporary assignment.