Tag Archives: mental-health

Time part 4.

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Back in the day, I shared thoughts with kids in our community youth football program. Things stated and modeled at practice that were worthy of reiteration in written form. One of the formats I used was called “Ten Thoughts”.

After my post this morning, the top two from this set dating back to 2014 jumped out at me.

Time – THE most precious resource you will ever possess.  And if you are not careful in how you use it – it can come to possess you. It is something only to be spent – and despite your efforts otherwise – it proves very difficult to bank.   What you get – is what you get. There is no better time than “now”. So always “be” where you are.  And make the absolute most of your treasured allotment.   

    Time part 2 – sometimes, “things” need to happen on their own time. This has nothing to do with the alignment of stars and planets, destiny or fate. Just how life goes. You might want, work and dream for something in the worst way. Your committed effort might make it happen.  But then again – it might not. When it doesn’t, there is still something of value to be taken from the experience. Learning to persevere  and have faith to name the top two. It all matters.  It all means something. As Tom Petty once said “the waiting is the hardest part.” Yes it is. But one thing is for certain.  Even in the waiting, you are being made ready for something even better. 

    After reading the top two, I would like to share this addition:

    Time part 3 – being somewhere other than right here, right now can become suffocating. Attempting to change what has already been enacted or planning out a reaction to something that has yet to happen can suck the life right out of you.

    The past is meant to be a learning experience, providing you with the wisdom to pursue a path towards greater affirmation. Or, if ego makes itself king, the lesson will be ignored and defeat will become repetitive.

    The future is meant to be embraced as you have made yourself to hold it, but only if and when it happens. Not before. A lack of preparation and presence will leave you stranded from opportunity and fulfillment. You have to be there to “be” then.

    Being present brings with it peace and serenity. Life.

    And joy.

    Perhaps this will someday become another addition.

    Time part 4.

    Just when.

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    Daily writing prompt
    How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
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    Perspective, to me, is largely vision. Maybe not so literally. But perhaps more so tangibly. How what you have experienced, embraced, engaged in, exchanged or exhumed have come to currently define your presence and being in this moment.

    The combination of significant life events and time have the potential to create wonder, fulfillment and joy. On the flip side, they can also work in the opposite direction, producing woe, abandonment and despair. All of which are contingent on perspective. The tangible.

    Of all the many tangible gifts of perspective granted to me through my ongoing experience in football, the two that stand apart involve adversity.

    The first, spoken by a true mentor was this: “Adversity is never an if proposition, but only a when event”. The other, of more recent vintage, read was this, “event plus response equals outcome”

    The theme central to each of these perspectives?

    Opportunity as it conveyed through choice.

    For in the former, when adversity occurs, you may exercise your free will to choose how you will respond. That decision will ultimately reveal the opportunity that lay in all adversity. Or, lead to fight or flight, being seen only as a threat. In the latter, the equation involving a tangible perspective is fully fleshed out. E+R=O. Applicable to virutally any and all interactions, whether trying or accommodating.

    So, back to the prompt.

    Lacking a true, tangible perspective regarding life events added to the passage of time has wreaked some havoc around these parts. Simply thinking things will get better, this too shall pass and parking it on the back burner have a tendency to place the onus elsewhere. Deflect responsibility. Even blame in the worst sense.

    Choosing a path of avoidance over acceptance, gifting those calamities to other sources while delaying tangible engagement produces exactly the outcome you chose.

    On the other hand, genuine acceptance, honest ownership and fully intentional association with all events, in real time, will effect not just change, but the outcome desired. Opportunities found in all manner of adversity. Positive, fulfilling and lasting outcomes conveyed through choice.

    Assuming this tangible perspective creates in me a joyful anticipation of life events. And my soul’s desire and most ardent wish is that they will all fit within my ultimate passage of time. I no longer simply envision where it is I am going and what I am starting to become. I can actually feel to movement. The change. My outcome.

    Finally.

    No longer if.

    Just when.

    Finally.

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    Daily writing prompt
    What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
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    I see this question two ways.

    Imagine that.

    What are you scared to do? And, what are you scared of doing? What is it that you fear to attempt versus what is it that you have done but are fearful of doing again. Seperate avenues of life to share and elucidate.

    To be honest, haven’t really given the former much thought. I might be willing to sky dive, but never really held much interest. Since I really do not have a bucket list, there isn’t a spot to put that one on pause. Don’t have the cranial makeup to scale sky scrapers like Alex did a week or so ago in Taiwan.

    Swimming in the ocean is amazing. Jumping off a schooner and snorkeling in the middle of an ocean off the Virgin Islands. Taking a sailboard out in the same waters without a clue was a total blast. Cold calling businesses and turning them into associates and customers is fun to this day. Interviews are fun. Giving and receiving. Speaking to crowds? Fulfilling and missed. Jumping off a third floor fire escape into snow during winter break just because? Well, just because we were stupid. “Skitching” over the snow covered streets in Hinsdale as a teen. Deciding to play college football, and then playing every game for four years.

    There are others. But I guess when it comes to being scared to or having a fear to, I think the fear of failure holds the cards. A certain level of embarrassment too. What if I blow it? Get lost? Laughed at? Contusions and abrasions? Fractures? They say “no”? Die? Having never done something before, trying and then having it turn out one way or another is one experience. You get to move on.

    But then again, being scared of or having a fear of doing contains many of the same risk factors, but from an entirely different depth and direction. The potential damage to one and others extends far beyond band-aid boo boo’s or a walking boot.

    I am scared of and have a fear of letting others down. Again.

    Of making bad choices. Of acting out of character. Of behaving like I have all of the answers, that I am the Grand High Exalted Mystic Poobah, and that I know what is best for all everytime and all of the time. Of resentment.

    Of not understanding my true worth. Of not staying present. Of withdrawing and building a protective fortress along a steep escarpment.

    Of allowing others to determine my value, assess my potential and define my capabilities.

    Of not ever realizing who I was.

    The therapeutic side of the daily prompt is evident this exact moment.

    By discerning what I am scared to as it relates to what I am scared of, an epiphany has enjoined my spirit this weekend.

    Those things that one is scared of are those that one is scared to discard, move on from and grow in an entirely different manner and direction. Perhaps being possessed by them for so long offers a twisted, unhealthy and known sense of comfort and security. A bizarre sense of peace brought forth in allowing oneself to be held captive by them. Being scared to finally understand and move on was allowed to be overwhelmed by being scared of allowing that change.

    To finally grow. To finally understand. To finally forgive. To finally connect. To finally live.

    To finally be.

    Finally.

    Nothing to be scared of.

    Whatsoever.

    Finally.

    And then, locked.

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    As I move forward in self reclamation, I find that past experiences and the words used to describe them have now, somehow become much more lucid. Nothing really made that much sense for the longest time. It just sort of was. Now, the only explanation I can relate to you is that it was found in the divine.

    Initially, there was this strong, outward focused sense of resentment I not only harbored but protected for some reason, for a very long time. Perhaps strategic safeguarding was purposeful; a response to avoid personal responsibility and genuine self honesty. Then, the ego can remain untouched, intact and exonerated. Upon further reflection, this very well may be the impact of living with a rectal cranial inversion my whole life.

    True, I resented others, situations and individuals, for what they allegedly did to me. Upon deeper and more genuine discernment, that just wasn’t the case. You see, the true culprit was not others, but me. I somehow came to embrace self-resentment. As if I was watching this guy – Mark – from the audience. Recognized him by his appearance, but didn’t know who I was, understand what I was able do, recognize how I was able to be or value anything I brought to the table.

    To accomplish the tasks of self-resentment, I took my misconceptions, perceptions and aggressions into arenas that confirmed my illusions. Personally and professionally. Having others determine me because I was essentially clueless in that department. Not their doing. Mine. Driven by some apparition of what I was to myself.

    Not quite sure how that all began or why, but it did left uncontrolled, running rough shod over me and my life until just about now. The path to understanding resentment initially led me to better understand my self-resentment. Then, I sensed the presence of a caring voice from within.

    It directed me to self-awareness, self-perception and self-esteem. Things I had heard of, but never really invested the time to fully understand and embrace. Because I was ticked off about not being valued. Because I sought that from others. Because I didn’t like myself for not being valuable. Because I was consumed by total self-ignorance.

    Another whisper from that same voice emerged. It told me I was valued, worthy, needed and loved. Not just once. But over and over. Listening led not only to better understanding, but actually recognizing those truths. Finally, by beginning to embrace all that was shared with me, resentment has now been shown the door. The “self” version was also included in that request. Though they may be taking their sweet time, the door will soon be closed.

    And then, locked.

    It has no peer.

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    Adversity may be defined mostly in terms of tangible situations or moments.  But its influence can be especially prevalent in far more subtle contexts.

    Like peer pressure. 

    To be identified as a potential member of a certain group and gain access to its inner sanctum might be viewed as an extremely important and noteworthy achievement for many people.  No matter one’s age. 

    This venture might become so vital as a self-image and identity enhancement that making all the subsequent wrong choices are acceptable expenditures for the meager dividends expected to be earned. 

    And the ensuing collateral damage?   Just part of the program. 

    Rationalization can become an instinct stronger to one than that of survival. It has the power to transform the known black and white into gradients of reasonable gray. 

    For once the quest for inclusion with those peers deemed “most worthy”  overrides doing what is right, judgement is the first thing to be cast aside. And as thoughts, words and finally deeds dissolve into this hue, one can justify, defend and vindicate just about anything. 

    Undermining  your better nature. Ignoring what you know is right. 

    Even surrendering  character. 

    There isn’t  much contrast across the choices spectrum once you cross that threshold. Decisions tend to go only in one direction; from bad, to badder, to baddest. Rationalized as some of the necessary evils that come with  being “one of the boys or girls”.  

    The curse that begets those bountiful “blessings of being in”.

    Isn’t it strange how people who seemingly have the world by the tail can still feel the tug of the herd.  Despite the overwhelming value of their talents, an abundance of gifts and their inherent good nature, some “thing” seems to be missing.

    Efforts at your addition with the approval from the herd, in reality can act as subtraction. A venture that can lead one to the pursuit of  shallow, short-sighted, and oftentimes risky behavior.  Creating a cavity within that only becomes deeper and grows ever wider the farther you get from your true self. 

    A brand of adversity that can be a force all its own, speaking from experience. 

     For this form of pressure is one of a kind.

    It has no peer.

    Undefined Stock photos by Vecteezy