I have been somebody else for a long time already. That didn’t work out. Too many identities to manage. Can you spell “self-deceit” ? He overstayed his welcome. Things have been placed in a pod somewhere. And I spoke to him already:
“Don’t let the door knob hit you on the way out.”
That being said, gonna spend some time with this guy.
Back to my roots.
This might have even been the last time I looked happy.
File written by Adobe Photoshop¨ 4.0
Now that I think about it, being around flowers these days does bring joy to this old curmudgeon. Forty some in the house. Lost count of the daffodil bulbs set to reveal themselves this spring.
I guess you may never really know what you have lost until you allow yourself to find it again.
I want everyday going forward to be touched by discovery and the presence to appreciate the gift it is. Then I can be more of myself.
Was hoping there might be a compelling quote I could find somewhere to start me on my way today. But alas, I just wasn’t meant to be I guess. Come on heart, mind and soul. Get something together here. Fingers are getting antsy…
“Empty me, fill me, use me” is a refrain that has just woven itself into this ratty old, thread bare fabric.
A natural progression for growth offered by chance. Just happened to be there when it was shared. Nothing at all close to some version of a “to do” or “bucket” list. I do the laundry, some of the shopping, chores and empty the compost pile bucket when the flies become unmanageable. There I go again. But I digress.
These six words residing in this single phrase simply presents a way “to be”. Both literally and figuratively.
Providing direction for this lost soul to move, for once, in a positive and lasting manner. Not telling me. Offering me help to overcome all that has to now, held me back. Prevented me from seeing and knowing the best version of myself. For my purposes to a limited extent. But absolutely more so that others can see and know that side of me as well. Honesty at its most fundamental best..
And then there is the other side of this divinely minted coin.
The admission of being totally lost and bereft of anything other than dismay, despair, disappointment and self disgust. The desperate need of absolution from thinking, speaking and acting like I know everything, can take care of everything, and change everything.
Forgiveness for my multitude of mistakes, an ego that has run the fence line for far too long and placing myself on some abstract personal pedastal.
The confession that humility, gratitude and a boundless fatherly love are what this prodigal son desperately needs right now.
And the sincere offering to embrace being used however, whenever, wherever and in whatever manner is needed.
The onset of these forty days has really opened this man’s eyes, mind, heart and soul. Body still lags a little behind. Lost a few steps. But it will get there.
So please empty me.
Not just this once, but continually. There is a lot to move out.
So, this time of year holds a special sense of wonder for me. Not that it always has. It was a long time comin’. Whether it has been the passage of time, the growing honesty within, a gathering awareness of the value of humility or just that I understand things better now. And each day brings with it ever more clarity, definition and peace.
For that I am eternally grateful.
I have come to know this opportunity for growth and an abundant life from two paths. Separate, and yet, intermeshed. Ineinander; in to one another. Increasingly conscious that this event, if you will, is not merely consigned to a set space on the calendar or the defining moment of known spirituality. The wisdom, precious insight and ultimately truth that is being offered is present to all, right here. Right now.
Within some of the readings, our fellowship, faith services and other avenues traveled by the truth, this simple prayer fully resides within my heart, mind and soul. A declaration consisting of six, simple, being altering assurances.
“Empty me.
Fill me.
Use me.” *
A precept woven into our fellowship, our faith and where God as we understood him resides in our lives. A trinity of revival, renewal and rebirth.
About a week ago, we received the symbol of our essence and our mortality. An emblem to encourage us to embrace reflection, reverence and repentance. A badge that is intended to be worn with the utmost humility and gratitude. An admonition to forsake ego.
The farther along the path I currently venture. I have come to realize that you can wear that emblem every day, providing comfort as you are emptied of destructiveness, deceit, disillusionment. distrust, despair. Filling you with unmeasured grace, forgiveness and love. Using you to disperse these gifts back to all.
In one sense, we will leave this spiritual ark in thirty some days. And yet the compelling nature of the undertaking merits complete collaborative, lifelong inhabitation. Within our trinity.
There need not be an end to this season for any of us.
I am not endorsing banishment. Just voicing annoyance. Since everything else is pretty much within acceptance these days, just say “ass kicker”, That pretty much covers it.
But I digress…
Back to the real reason we are all here today.
I have not attained nor would I ever aspire to possess the rank that would make this a perogative. So, in lieu of this approach, how about proceeding on this tack.
How about reconsidering how words within our reach are employed as weapons of crass destruction? How about banishing how they get altered, amended, reconfigurated and reconsituted into something they were never composed to be, defined as or ever imagined?
How about using them to create a bond instead of detachment?
How about some accountability as penance for wrecking how we are meant to communicate, engage, interconnect and become intimate.
As humans.
Ban their weaponization.
So instead of flipping your lid and perhaps your middle digit when you get cut off, give it a minute or two and create a poem or haiku about the heinous incident. Something to give true glory to being so offended. Make it one that gives rise to a chortle within. One you can share so others may chuckle. And then, move closer.
There is no need to be an ass kicker when you speak. How then will another ever get to know your humanity otherwise?
So, regardless of the “end of the world”, “I am so screwed”, “why is this happening now?”, “what did I do to deserve this?, scenarios ad naueum, I am just gonna stay here for the next few minutes and see what comes out next.
Oh, and then I have to go find a non-licensable image to put somewhere in this post. Consider tags and hit “publish”.
The past few days have been challenging.
So I can enhance the momentum I already created and continue until I hit the ground in a flaming wreck. Or just wrap up this prompt and get on with the next minute. Then hour and so on. Forget about the next six months. That will happen when it happens.
...my temporary assignment. 