My middle name is my dad’s first name.
Not exactly sure where it came from on his side of the family.
Now I use it as the middle initial anytime I use my name. Signatures, applications, you name it. My email address carries it.
That way, though he is gone, he remains with me.
Always gonna be MJH.
Always.
“Chora makra”.
Well, not the last thing. But this morning when I came upon it, some things in life were no longer Greek to me.
Sorry. It’s genetic.
The parable of the prodigal son in today’s gospel according to Luke, related the story of the two sons, that in their own ways, left their father. The younger, requested his inheritance up front, bid adieu to his loving father and travelled to a “distant country” – chora mokra.
The elder, though he chose to remain at home, made the same trek, in his own way, far away from his father, also to chora mokra. Distancing himself from that unconditional love through resentment, anger and jealousy.
While chora mokra is often ranslated as “distant country”, the reflection that followed from Bishop Barron brought to mind the literal meaning in a spiritual emphasis.
“The great emptiness”.
Think about that now for a moment.
The younger son took his inheritance in advance, a slap in the face of his loving father, to splurge it on a venture laden with debauchery that only served to wrought upon him a great emptiness.
In mind.
Body.
And soul.
Meanwhile, the elder son, remaining at home out of duty, disguising ego, discredited his father’s genuine love for him and his sibling in a fit of jealous resentment. In so doing, he too found his own way into the great emptiness. Removing himself from his father and what he was gifted unconditionally, in a childish fit of spite. Bringing with its own inherent brand of emptiness.
Of mind.
Body.
And soul.
Both went their own way, literally and figuratively, to a distant country.
And both were warmly welcomed back from their chora makra.
Without condition.
As only a father could.
I am going to step back on this one and do a deep dive on failure.
There! I finally used that sterling expression I heard multiple times at “meetings” in the business world. Wait. Just thought of an even better one. Almost pornographic in construction. “Pull back the kimono.” Now there is a gem. There, I think I met my KPI’s for the day. But once again, sorry folks, I digress….
In my estimation, failure is less an event than it is a mindset. There is some veracity to other more cliche’ utterances, like “doomed to fail”, “repeating history” and the one closest to my personality and experience, “setting himself up for failure.” All are mental and attitudinal precursors to hitting bottom.
When you go about things perched on a pedastal of your own construction, things are not likely to flow well. They may appear as together and synchronous from the outside, about a layer or two down, but when you get down at the core, things are an absolute mess.
Ego is the culprit. From whatever cause, for whatever reason, by any means necessary, ego can sink the ship. Does the name Titanic ring a bell?
It might be a need to be right. Always. To have all of the answers. Always. Control every situation and outcome. Always. Sit in judgement of others. Always.
Be God.
It could also be the salve for damages incurred at the hands of others.
The ever deep bruises of shame. The emptiness wrought by no esteem. Allowing others to assess your worth and value. Not having a clue as to who you are or how others see you.
Those just provided right there pretty much sums up the triggers leading to my foray in to ego. A way of being that created my environment fertile for failure. Decades in the making. And unbreaking.
Failures of my own making.
First, they started off as the small, just brush them off varieties, promoting dishonesty.
Giving growth to “….well, I will just be more careful next time”. Another layer or three of self deception and duplicity.
Finally, leaving port and moving onto a succession of personal Titanics.
“Iceberg?”
Let me tell you, treading water for a couple of years inspired me to accept the preserver of humility, truth and faith. Lasting and finally honest life lessons. Now that I found dry land, I am happy to say I am working my way into more of the AP curriculum these days.
How one could ever promote a deeper dive by pulling back the kimono is lost on me.
But sinking to the bottom?
That is where you truly find life.
“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.”
― Thomas Merton
Some days can just be up in the air. Not because something happened. Or something didn’t happen. But just because.
You can try to dissect it all, make a pivot table, try to connect an abstract series of dots you know must be there and pretty much just put yourself on edge.
Things are going according to plan.
it is just that the details of such are not known as of yet. Nor is the direction it may take you. How you might be grown. Or not. What you may become. Or not. Where it all is taking you. Or not.
And yet, all you need do is see them as a divinely inspired offering, for you alone, while fully embracing those gifts. Having the courage to remain fully present in the moment. Faith that they are given in unconditional love. And the hope that you will not just endure, but stand ready for the next time.
And the time after that.
These aren’t necessarily tests. You may feel tested. But when you fully open yourself to their presence, they are going to stretch your preconceived limits. You may feel like you are experiencing growing pains all over again.
That is where I am the past few days. Discombobulated.
What it comes down to, is two simple choices.
Just embrace them. .
But more so, Him.
Then, it will all make sense.
Well, on the material side of things, coffee? Maybe having blue tooth so I can listen to my radio station from when I was growing up. Kind of tough to answer that one. I could go to tea, or water if needed. Have before. Sometimes a local radio station will suffice. That is still only two. Not sure.
But that is one definition of object. A material thing that can be seen and touched. Huh. Maybe that disqualifies the blue tooth. Unless the holding the phone and pushing the site on the screen counts. But blue tooth really cannot be seen or touched. So perhaps that statement needs to be amended to “having a phone with blue tooth so I can listen to my radio station from when I was growing up.” There. Is my OCD an object? But I digress….
The other is ” a person or thing to which a specified action or feeling is directed.” If you look at it in this fashion, three things immediately come to mind.
Trust.
Intention.
Faith.
Trust can generate some very specific actions and feelings. What you come to allow in others as well as in yourself. It has been my experience of late that I find it way easier to do so with othose around me than it has ever been with myself. That is changing. Still some things yet to prove on my end. It is an object I cannot live without.
Add to that, intention. Something deeper than “want to”, commitment or goal. Intention reflects a direct investment of self into another object that has no guaranteed outcome. Just that in many ways and means needs to be employed and embraced. Not as a thing to be touched or seen. But a depth of giving of onself that is sensed, felt and fully woven into one’s being.
The intention may be to have a positive impact on another. And then again, it may be to have one on yourself. No guarantees. Just a way of being that goes beyond once incorporated, spreading inward and outwards.
Lastly, faith.
Not really lastly. Really firstly. Because it is only through faith that you are able to actively engage in patience with perseverance. There is a knowing component that provides the salve for the waiting. The continuous deployment of trust in the direction and intentional thoughts, words and deeds through the acts of perseverance.
Objects are of little importance to me.
Objects to which a trusted, intentional action, guided by faith is directed, are.
To that, I will not object.
...my temporary assignment. 