Tag Archives: god

In that I trust.

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Was hoping there might be a compelling quote I could find somewhere to start me on my way today. But alas, I just wasn’t meant to be I guess. Come on heart, mind and soul. Get something together here. Fingers are getting antsy…

“Empty me, fill me, use me” is a refrain that has just woven itself into this ratty old, thread bare fabric.

A natural progression for growth offered by chance. Just happened to be there when it was shared. Nothing at all close to some version of a “to do” or “bucket” list. I do the laundry, some of the shopping, chores and empty the compost pile bucket when the flies become unmanageable. There I go again. But I digress.

These six words residing in this single phrase simply presents a way “to be”. Both literally and figuratively.

Providing direction for this lost soul to move, for once, in a positive and lasting manner. Not telling me. Offering me help to overcome all that has to now, held me back. Prevented me from seeing and knowing the best version of myself. For my purposes to a limited extent. But absolutely more so that others can see and know that side of me as well. Honesty at its most fundamental best..

And then there is the other side of this divinely minted coin.

The admission of being totally lost and bereft of anything other than dismay, despair, disappointment and self disgust. The desperate need of absolution from thinking, speaking and acting like I know everything, can take care of everything, and change everything.

Forgiveness for my multitude of mistakes, an ego that has run the fence line for far too long and placing myself on some abstract personal pedastal.

The confession that humility, gratitude and a boundless fatherly love are what this prodigal son desperately needs right now.

And the sincere offering to embrace being used however, whenever, wherever and in whatever manner is needed.

The onset of these forty days has really opened this man’s eyes, mind, heart and soul. Body still lags a little behind. Lost a few steps. But it will get there.

So please empty me.

Not just this once, but continually. There is a lot to move out.

And there is so much room for improvement.

You know exactly what needs to go in there.

In that I trust.

For this resurrection is ongoing.

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So, this time of year holds a special sense of wonder for me. Not that it always has. It was a long time comin’. Whether it has been the passage of time, the growing honesty within, a gathering awareness of the value of humility or just that I understand things better now. And each day brings with it ever more clarity, definition and peace.

For that I am eternally grateful.

I have come to know this opportunity for growth and an abundant life from two paths. Separate, and yet, intermeshed. Ineinander; in to one another. Increasingly conscious that this event, if you will, is not merely consigned to a set space on the calendar or the defining moment of known spirituality. The wisdom, precious insight and ultimately truth that is being offered is present to all, right here. Right now.

Within some of the readings, our fellowship, faith services and other avenues traveled by the truth, this simple prayer fully resides within my heart, mind and soul. A declaration consisting of six, simple, being altering assurances.

“Empty me.

Fill me.

Use me.” *

A precept woven into our fellowship, our faith and where God as we understood him resides in our lives. A trinity of revival, renewal and rebirth.

About a week ago, we received the symbol of our essence and our mortality. An emblem to encourage us to embrace reflection, reverence and repentance. A badge that is intended to be worn with the utmost humility and gratitude. An admonition to forsake ego.

The farther along the path I currently venture. I have come to realize that you can wear that emblem every day, providing comfort as you are emptied of destructiveness, deceit, disillusionment. distrust, despair. Filling you with unmeasured grace, forgiveness and love. Using you to disperse these gifts back to all.

In one sense, we will leave this spiritual ark in thirty some days. And yet the compelling nature of the undertaking merits complete collaborative, lifelong inhabitation. Within our trinity.

There need not be an end to this season for any of us.

For this resurrection is ongoing.

  • Sr. Miriam – Hallowed

“Ephphatha” 

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Today’s reading was very compelling. Especially the reflection that was offered thereafter.

It shared the story of the deaf man with a speech impediment that was given his hearing and his tongue. How He chose to grant this gift away from the crowds. How the connection was essentially made to plug the man back into life. To the current of truth.

Like then, finding space away from the crowds today can be a tall order. Especially when we need to be present so that we can truly hear.

“The raucous voices of so many, the insistent bray of the advertising culture, the confusing Babel of competing spiritualities—all of it makes us deaf to His word.” *

Not only does this distract us from the truth, it also removes us from the moment. It can send us back in time to past mistakes, errors in judgement and flaws in character. A path that can then rocket us forward to wishing and embracing a self inflicting narrative of deflection, defect and defeat.

“Things will never get better or change the way I want them to because I am just not worth it.”

And yet, as I am starting to finally realize, if you can just stay right where you are, in the here and now, then you enter into a wonderful sense of peace and serenity. Acknowledging you cannot go back or jump forward is centering. It can help stave off remorse over what cannot be changed while inhibting anxiety over what change may – or may not – be coming.

There is no time better than where you are right now.

Maintaining your presence within this very moment is a place of true connection. With those all around you. With yourself. And most of all, with the One that simply desires to be there with you.

Perhaps He led that afflicted soul away from the crowds to defer the imminent accolades and preeminence for Him as he regained his ability to hear. And maybe it was also to bring that instant of healing first and foremost in his memory. Within that one moment.

It’s ironic that being moved to a place of silence created connection and belonging by listening.

To a voice meant to be heard above the bray.

“Ephphatha” 

  • Bishop Robert Barron

My party grew by One.

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Daily writing prompt
If you had the power to change one law, what would it be and why?
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If I had that power to do one thing that substantial and everlasting, I sincerely doubt I would be sitting at a kitchen table here in Wisconsin. There would definitely be an altitude correction. Seeing the sun rise as it is this morning is a loving reminder of that and our role here today. I am perfectly fine letting Him hoist that celestial light so that we can begin the day and try to do our best.

Now I do have the capacity to change one thing. For the pusposes of this instant, it could be considered law.

Perspective needs to shift though. The view cannot be focused entirely inward. For the purposes of reflection, discernment and repentance you will need to invest the time, effort and intention within, so as to have an honest understanding of the law you allow to govern your thoughts, words and deeds without. For abiding by the wrong statutes can definitely bring harm to you and those all around you.

Abiding by decrees determined to place me above you, or me first you and you last, I am right and you are wrong, I know everyting but you don’t and I have everything under control will eventually lead to revolt. A deeply personal insurrection that walls you off from all “threats” and acts to bring complete isolation. Enabling you to allegedly “live” in your own decrepitly selfish city-state. One party. One person. One vote.

Big ego.

During a recent, ongoing convention, I assumed the podium as usual, pounded the gravel and filibustered with all the nonsense I could muster to convince my party to keep going down this path of destruction. One voice whispered from the back. Hidden. An utterance I had noticed on more than one occassion, but chose to ignore. As I became enveloped in a forlorn sense of fatigue, despair and aloneness, the wall began to came down.

Finally.

I realized that I didn’t have to assign myself a place of honor, be first in anything or even be right. I admitted that I had much to learn and no control whatsover. Except when it came to choosing to let go. I retired the gavel. Listening to that all loving delegate, convinced me to close my book and open another. Not simply to change my law of life. But to declare my independence. Rewrite my constitution.

Together.

My party grew by One.

It’s just about being.

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Daily writing prompt
Something on your “to-do list” that never gets done.
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To be honest, there are two long lingering items residing on that list. Not an actual list per se. But on that Post It note stuck between my ears, in what is left in that old noggin.

Self-forgiveness is something that has not ever really been addressed. One of those things I guess you don’t feel you have earned for some reason. Don’t deserve. Or just not necessary. But over the course of a lifetime, that hyphenated necessity can take on quite the mass. Slooping the shoulders and neck. Wreaking havoc on perception. Leading to bad choices and even badder habits.

We all fuck up. That is just a given. And in the grand scheme of things, somehow its sibling given has to be not only contrition, but what needs to come after. Self-forgiveness. My sense is that when you are finally able to crack open the armor, grace finds its way into that mess beneath, bringing with it peace, healing and most of all, forgiveness. Upon sensing that, you may do a double take.

“Was that for me?”

Yes, it is. And as such, you too can start to forgive yourself. With that, the mass begins to shrink. Shoulders and neck return to the proper posture. There is a greater clarity in things, accompanied by a true vision. Choices are now made to live. Habits now bring joy.

Which brings me to the other resident on that Post It; taking care of myself.

Simple things. Develop a relationship with health care professionals. Leave social media and news to the masses. Get back to the gym. (Still figuring out how to fit it into the schedule.) Read. Find and follow that true vocation. Be present. Love. Let go, and let God.

I know. You all knew where this was going. But I just wanted to share it. I am leaving that Post It right where it is. Not as a mode of being pecked by a hen. But just as a healthy reminder. That I am forgiven, so I should then do so for myself. And just take care. There are sunrises to see, so many flowers and ‘maters to be grown, books to be opened, masses to attend, health to be improved, kids and others to coach and prompts to be written.

It really isn’t about being on a list.

It’s just about being.