Tag Archives: love

Not from this.

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Daily writing prompt
Do you need a break? From what?
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This one is a wee bit complicated. So this may be short and sweet, long and arduous, or “just right”. No clue. Well, here goes….

Recently, I came to several conclusions, literally and figuratively. Whoops.

At this moment, I am incapable of correctly starting the next phrase with “…from the former perspective” or “..in the latter view..” when it comes to a conclusion. Must have missed that day in etymology. Sorry. But I digress….

Let’s just say that for most of my time here on earth, I had been unable understand my value. Know my worth. Grasp my abilities and talents. I have pretty much always allowed myself to be defined. And perhaps worst of all, sought confirmation of all of these inadequacies – and more – through others. This conclusion, that I enabled others to validate me has now become the other conclusion.

Adios my friend.

Taking a break from heinously breaking myself down into a shattered collection of fragments, pieces and chunks. A shambles of what I was meant to be. Concluding that part of my life. Finito.

And since I now have this amazing collection of Mark Legos, I can build something I never once imagined.

Piece by piece. Bit by bit. Moment by moment. An opportunity I have been given that arrived precisely when I most needed it.

Grace.

As my new foundation begins to takes shape, for once, I am fully present. I build to a different voice.

I cannot imagine what is gonna go into the first floor. And I have no clue how many more stories or outbuildings will be added after that. No bother. I just love this kind of building. I trust it will be just what has always been needed. It will be everyhing it is meant to be when all is said and done.

Then finally, so will I.

Do I need a break?

Not from this.

Just when.

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Daily writing prompt
How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
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Perspective, to me, is largely vision. Maybe not so literally. But perhaps more so tangibly. How what you have experienced, embraced, engaged in, exchanged or exhumed have come to currently define your presence and being in this moment.

The combination of significant life events and time have the potential to create wonder, fulfillment and joy. On the flip side, they can also work in the opposite direction, producing woe, abandonment and despair. All of which are contingent on perspective. The tangible.

Of all the many tangible gifts of perspective granted to me through my ongoing experience in football, the two that stand apart involve adversity.

The first, spoken by a true mentor was this: “Adversity is never an if proposition, but only a when event”. The other, of more recent vintage, read was this, “event plus response equals outcome”

The theme central to each of these perspectives?

Opportunity as it conveyed through choice.

For in the former, when adversity occurs, you may exercise your free will to choose how you will respond. That decision will ultimately reveal the opportunity that lay in all adversity. Or, lead to fight or flight, being seen only as a threat. In the latter, the equation involving a tangible perspective is fully fleshed out. E+R=O. Applicable to virutally any and all interactions, whether trying or accommodating.

So, back to the prompt.

Lacking a true, tangible perspective regarding life events added to the passage of time has wreaked some havoc around these parts. Simply thinking things will get better, this too shall pass and parking it on the back burner have a tendency to place the onus elsewhere. Deflect responsibility. Even blame in the worst sense.

Choosing a path of avoidance over acceptance, gifting those calamities to other sources while delaying tangible engagement produces exactly the outcome you chose.

On the other hand, genuine acceptance, honest ownership and fully intentional association with all events, in real time, will effect not just change, but the outcome desired. Opportunities found in all manner of adversity. Positive, fulfilling and lasting outcomes conveyed through choice.

Assuming this tangible perspective creates in me a joyful anticipation of life events. And my soul’s desire and most ardent wish is that they will all fit within my ultimate passage of time. I no longer simply envision where it is I am going and what I am starting to become. I can actually feel to movement. The change. My outcome.

Finally.

No longer if.

Just when.

It’s just about being.

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Daily writing prompt
Something on your “to-do list” that never gets done.
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To be honest, there are two long lingering items residing on that list. Not an actual list per se. But on that Post It note stuck between my ears, in what is left in that old noggin.

Self-forgiveness is something that has not ever really been addressed. One of those things I guess you don’t feel you have earned for some reason. Don’t deserve. Or just not necessary. But over the course of a lifetime, that hyphenated necessity can take on quite the mass. Slooping the shoulders and neck. Wreaking havoc on perception. Leading to bad choices and even badder habits.

We all fuck up. That is just a given. And in the grand scheme of things, somehow its sibling given has to be not only contrition, but what needs to come after. Self-forgiveness. My sense is that when you are finally able to crack open the armor, grace finds its way into that mess beneath, bringing with it peace, healing and most of all, forgiveness. Upon sensing that, you may do a double take.

“Was that for me?”

Yes, it is. And as such, you too can start to forgive yourself. With that, the mass begins to shrink. Shoulders and neck return to the proper posture. There is a greater clarity in things, accompanied by a true vision. Choices are now made to live. Habits now bring joy.

Which brings me to the other resident on that Post It; taking care of myself.

Simple things. Develop a relationship with health care professionals. Leave social media and news to the masses. Get back to the gym. (Still figuring out how to fit it into the schedule.) Read. Find and follow that true vocation. Be present. Love. Let go, and let God.

I know. You all knew where this was going. But I just wanted to share it. I am leaving that Post It right where it is. Not as a mode of being pecked by a hen. But just as a healthy reminder. That I am forgiven, so I should then do so for myself. And just take care. There are sunrises to see, so many flowers and ‘maters to be grown, books to be opened, masses to attend, health to be improved, kids and others to coach and prompts to be written.

It really isn’t about being on a list.

It’s just about being.

Finally.

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Daily writing prompt
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
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I see this question two ways.

Imagine that.

What are you scared to do? And, what are you scared of doing? What is it that you fear to attempt versus what is it that you have done but are fearful of doing again. Seperate avenues of life to share and elucidate.

To be honest, haven’t really given the former much thought. I might be willing to sky dive, but never really held much interest. Since I really do not have a bucket list, there isn’t a spot to put that one on pause. Don’t have the cranial makeup to scale sky scrapers like Alex did a week or so ago in Taiwan.

Swimming in the ocean is amazing. Jumping off a schooner and snorkeling in the middle of an ocean off the Virgin Islands. Taking a sailboard out in the same waters without a clue was a total blast. Cold calling businesses and turning them into associates and customers is fun to this day. Interviews are fun. Giving and receiving. Speaking to crowds? Fulfilling and missed. Jumping off a third floor fire escape into snow during winter break just because? Well, just because we were stupid. “Skitching” over the snow covered streets in Hinsdale as a teen. Deciding to play college football, and then playing every game for four years.

There are others. But I guess when it comes to being scared to or having a fear to, I think the fear of failure holds the cards. A certain level of embarrassment too. What if I blow it? Get lost? Laughed at? Contusions and abrasions? Fractures? They say “no”? Die? Having never done something before, trying and then having it turn out one way or another is one experience. You get to move on.

But then again, being scared of or having a fear of doing contains many of the same risk factors, but from an entirely different depth and direction. The potential damage to one and others extends far beyond band-aid boo boo’s or a walking boot.

I am scared of and have a fear of letting others down. Again.

Of making bad choices. Of acting out of character. Of behaving like I have all of the answers, that I am the Grand High Exalted Mystic Poobah, and that I know what is best for all everytime and all of the time. Of resentment.

Of not understanding my true worth. Of not staying present. Of withdrawing and building a protective fortress along a steep escarpment.

Of allowing others to determine my value, assess my potential and define my capabilities.

Of not ever realizing who I was.

The therapeutic side of the daily prompt is evident this exact moment.

By discerning what I am scared to as it relates to what I am scared of, an epiphany has enjoined my spirit this weekend.

Those things that one is scared of are those that one is scared to discard, move on from and grow in an entirely different manner and direction. Perhaps being possessed by them for so long offers a twisted, unhealthy and known sense of comfort and security. A bizarre sense of peace brought forth in allowing oneself to be held captive by them. Being scared to finally understand and move on was allowed to be overwhelmed by being scared of allowing that change.

To finally grow. To finally understand. To finally forgive. To finally connect. To finally live.

To finally be.

Finally.

Nothing to be scared of.

Whatsoever.

Finally.

Did I miss something?

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Daily writing prompt
What do you complain about the most?
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My stoic nature being what it is, one would think by appearance alone, all I do is complain. Perhaps there is an element of truth to that revelation. Take it as you wish, I think this is how I complain.

First, no offense intended by using some of the following statements and inherent descriptions. They pretty much say it like it is about this guy and how I see things.

I am another version of OCD.

Obsessive/cleaning/coordinating/combining/correcting/clarifying/composing/confronting/considering/congratulating/disorder. Maybe I missed a few. Oh, completing. If I think of more, I will circle back. But I digress….

I like things to be in order. Not always mine. Just in order so that we have time to live. In establishing a pattern, things flow, they happen and there are little or no distractions created to take one off their game. So dishes get done, washer filled and unfilled, dirty clothes in laundry room waiting their turn, recyling routine, beds made. You know a sense of order. Not perfection, that ain’t possible. Just intention. So I can bore you all with this prompt today. Aren’t you glad.

So where the complaining comes in is pretty much internal. I live the flow around here, and when I see something that could go better or makes more sense based on how we live, then I just adjust accordingly. Don’t tell them to do it. Just do it myself and let things happen. No one comes home to discover the laundry room now in the living room to improve efficiency and recycling bins in the kitchen. (Yet) Just looking at the big picture and smoothing out rough edges.

Sort of how I coach too.

I understand the objectives, see the big picture and figure out ways to gain growth, improvement, achievement and excellence. Not in a complaining, hen pecking, diminishing and scolding manner. Rather, gaining trust, understand what it is I see in you, let me show you how to get there. Then, just play. Practice is for practice; coaching them up, fine tuning, instilling self discipline, repetition, trust. Games are games. Times to be encouraged, reminded to stick with the fundamentals, stay together and have fun.

Applies to my current vocation as well. Job development for those with diverse abilities is just like coaching football in my estimation. No pads to speak of, except maybe to protect one from beating themselves up. But hey, we all do that, don’t we? Work the fundamentals, practice, observe and let them play. Some of the interviews I have witnessed were way better than a come from behind game on the field.

So, from a strictly definition oriented standpoint, I really do not have anything to complain about.

Not a thing.

Could I be more patient, understanding and listen better? Heck yeah.

Could I smile more than twice a year? Yup.

Stop the internal fussing? Wait, who’s fussing?

Let things be? I will get back to you on that.

In the end, I get to be my OCD self, as currently described above. Live a life around those that get it. And still be loved.

No complaints whatsoever.

Whew.

Wait.

Did I miss something?