Tag Archives: mental-health

Ever outward.

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“The first act of leadership is coming to grips with yourself, who you are, where you are, and what is of value to you, and shaping yourself by acts of conscious will into what you want to become.”

FENWICK W. ENGLISH 

To lead others, it is necessary that you are first able to lead yourself. A task that can get the best of most, if you are not quite sure “who” exactly it is that you are leading. 

Coming to grips with yourself – each facet that makes up the “who” you are – demands a high level of self awareness, unvarnished honesty and a measure of forgiveness. Once you have completed a thorough, yet loving,  self assessment then you are in a better position to begin the work that is needed to make a present reality meet the future vision. 

Each of us is a work in progress.   

For there is always capacity for growth, improvement and actualization. Besides, becoming what you were intended to be isn’t an overnight affair. Never.  It takes time, guts, perseverance and a measure of “want to” to will yourself into becoming the best version of that person you see in  the mirror. 

As time goes by, it won’t just be you seeing that reflection. Others will be drawn in  to take a  look too and see what the fuss is all about. 

Through seeing you, witnessing and experiencing your efforts, they will want to try to embrace a glimpse of what could be them should they choose to follow your lead. They will want to learn, understand and then share in that very process. So that they know from the source  how one can shape and will oneself into that best version of themselves. 

They will welcome and  benefit from seeing you fail and learning from your mistakes so that they may do the same.  They will relish and  appreciate the wisdom you provide on your journey  as they work towards their own goals on theirs. 

Leading yourself first in an open and honest fashion ultimately leads others to do the same.

Shaping all by acts of a conscious will into what you choose to  become. 

So they may as well. 

Forever spreading ever outward.

It just is.

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“I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.” 

— Leonardo Da Vinci

At some point, action is required.

It just is. 

And you must “do.” 

It is a trait of leadership to be able to not only recognize this vacuum but pour yourself into it. That singular  moment that must be met and filled. With effort. Commitment. And character. 

There is no manual, class or team dinner game sheet that will tell you when. 

You just have to be fully embraced in it, be aware of it, and respond. 

You may fail once, twice or ten times. 

But simply knowing when the moment arrives and knowing what to do will not suffice. 

It is not enough. 

You must simply do. 

It just is.

Focus.

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It was once said that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the choice you make in the face of fear. Similarly, focus does not exist in the absence of distractions – it exists in spite of them. 

Focus, then, also represents a choice. The decision you make to maintain and hold fast to your “vision” regardless of the situation, temptation or challenge.

It is highly unlikely that you will ever find yourself in an environment totally free of distractions. You can always count on something to be there to draw your attention, pick away at your resolve or make you second-guess your intentions, abilities and actions. 

Distractions – especially now – are going to be more than abundant.

Some of these will present themselves as the self-inflicted variety. Usually born of doubt.

The ones you create and then tell yourself. You know, those little white lies that excuse the failure you are ultimately setting yourself up for. The rationale you use to lessen expectations, dim the light of your talents and diminish your purpose. The fiction that only serves to deflect attention from performance. 

The prose that is generated to soften the blow when you tell yourself that you are not quite up to the challenge, because you think it might require too much of you. All because you choose to allow doubt to wedge its way into you.

Then there are those distractions that will act to divert your focus from the outside in. Perhaps it is your peers chipping away at your self imposed discipline, sacrifice and commitment. Or the press and the punditry that look to fill their space with copy and your head with nonsense. The chirping opponent looking to draw a flag.

A hostile playoff venue to take you out of your game. If you allow yourself to succumb to these types of “noise”, your eyes may come off the ball. You might lose your way. Failure may appear.

You have the ability to overcome these distractions, maintain your focus and relentlessly pursue your vision.

But this talent needs to be exercised regularly. Your ability to choose to remain focused in the face of distraction can become powerful – but only if you consistently challenge yourself to do so in all cases.

Confront every distraction and put it in their place. Recognize their origins and intentions. See them for what they usually are – self-doubt.

Keep your eyes on the prize, your head in the game and your heart full of purpose.

Focus.

Unordinary.

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“We meet no ordinary people in our lives.”

― C.S. Lewis; Inspirational Christian Library

My mom’s father, Grandpa Cordts, “knew no strangers”.  Whenever I was with him out in public, at the store, getting gas, buying worms or playing putt-putt, everyone within sight and sound seemed to know him. 

That isn’t to say that he or they did.  It is just that EVERYONE he encountered each day, no matter the circumstance, investment or need was approached as a friend.  Someone that went way back. The one in the back row of the picture.  A compatriot. 

Was not aware of it then, but as I go about daily life now, how he went about life left an impression on me.  As it stands, I don’t know any strangers either. 

And when you go about it in that fashion, you cannot believe what you learn.  

Once they recognize that they can just be open, all sorts of things flow out.  Not that they are meant to be sewed all over.  Just that they want me to hear and know it.  Shared as a friend. With trust and an understanding that it was in some sense collaborative, restorative and affirmative. 

And is ain’t all one sided.  You share as well.  In an equally genuine fashion.  Maybe you only see them the next week, month or year.  Perhaps never again.  But they did.  You did.  

And it was something.  

Maybe substantial in certain situations.  Maybe just the spur of the moment.  

But again, if you think about it, not really ordinary.  In all actuality, those chance moments become special.  Not because they were designed that way.  But simply because they were.  

Unordinary.  

Like them.  

And what we – and they – chose to make that encounter to be.  

Unordinary.

A temple.

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“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. 

But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”  ― C.S. Lewis,

I think for the most part He might be past the ‘getting the drains right and stopping the leaks’ phase of the renovation. 

But then again, maybe not. 

I get the impression that He is not going to be satisfied with only one new wing. And an extra floor. There is still an abundance of work that is going on inside of me.

To be honest,  I am not always able to appreciate why certain things have had to happen, are still happening and have yet to happen. But as time passes, I am letting go. Learning to trust. Accepting that  it is all part of His plan for me. And embracing an attitude of gratitude.   

Perhaps some of you are where I am these days.  

Being rebuilt too.  Feeling that same kind of remodeling sensation. 

Developing an awareness of an intentional, internal renovation.  

For certain, this is an ongoing process that can leave clutter.  Scatter your  focus. Misplace some of your trusted tools and talents.    And unsettle your demeanor. 

For the most part, I am “ok” with all of this.  

Not “ok” like,  “whatever”. Far from that.  

But “ok” as in I am getting used to it. Still.  Learning more than I ever imagined.   Growing into this relationship.  Beginning to  get a glimmer of what I might look like once this phase of the project is completed. And wondering who I will become once He finishes.

But I do have to confess.   

From time to time, and more often than I care to admit, this renovation process totally stresses me out. 

It starts out as a simmering anxiety. Soon, I feel the fear begin to well up inside.  And then, for no apparent reason, it just spews out in all directions. As hurt.  A bruised ego.  Selfish pride.  Diminished self.  

Anger. 

Sometimes the venting is directed at all the innocents around me.  Other times, unmercifully towards myself in destructive thoughts, words and deeds.  

And, finally, I train my aim on Him.  

But as anyone should do when they have a disagreement with their best friend, I speak my piece. 

Not just when I hit my knees.  

But to or from work.  Cutting the grass. Watching the sun come up.   Or during a walk.  Places and times where it can be just He and I. 

Before I even get there, he already sees the simmering anxiety.  Senses my fears.  And weathers the anger.  Taking  the worst I can offer.  No matter what.

He listens.  

Helps.

And always comes back for more.  

Little by little, with great effort, patience and faith, I am trying my best to get past the self-generated drama and self-aggrandizing behaviors that I allow to become a part of this venture. 

And foist upon others. 

While those around me may beg to differ,I never think I have all of the answers. 

But I do think I have earned some wisdom to share throughout His renovation process.  

I better understand what He wants it all to look like.  

And despite the mess, it absolutely feels like home to me.

So since He holds the permit, I will be content to let the master builder do His work.  

Because after all, the body was meant to be a temple.