serenity – …my temporary assignment.

My temporary assignment.

Daily writing prompt

What is your mission?

One of the most precious aspects of this “congregation”, so to speak, is that we all simply get to share. To delve into what is happening between the ears and pur out some of what is swelling within our hearts. Nothing is dictated. No expectation. Rules? Guidelines? KPI’s?

Nope.

Just being ourselves, wherever that happens to be in the process. Sharing. Not telling, Advising. Stating. Laying out. Instructing. Simply sharing bits and pieces of ourselves to all that is willing to hear, read and feel. “Prompt” has its own sense and level of urgency tied to it. Not so much, “hey, get off your ass and get going here Hahn!” But a more subtle, “you know, you find writing affirming , fulfilling and just plain old fun, so you should set aside a moment or two to just be, Hahn.”

All of which fits into the mission. I will phrase it that way for now as that is more honest than claiming ownership of this venture. It is more so a way forward that was offered by another. It is just that I neglected to hear what was being said and see what I was being shown.

Initially, my mission was one of self destruction masked by the guise of self determination. Knowing all, showing all, telling all and being all to “all” is how I went about “life”, if you want to call it that. Perhaps on a technicality. Being friends, I can share this part of me with you now.

The faux sense of self determination was born not of self knowledge, but more so of selflessness. Without a true estimation of one’s value, abided by low self esteem, reinforced by a pervasive sense of shame, my mission was to please those around me. When I first discovered this, resentment – focused on those that couldn’t appreciate what I “had” – sank in and took control.

Upon deeper discernment and reflection, a revelation of sorts made its presence known. Looking back on it, maybe “presents” – like Mr. Keane suggested – is more appropriate. Because what I came to understand unwrapped an ongoing stream of gifts. The ultimate realization that I sought others, relationships and life on the basis of having those experiences confirm my complete self unawareness has provided me with the foundation for an entirely different mission.

It’s about time.

Not that traveling this new territory doesn’t come with its share of anxiety, doubts and plain old fear. But it surrounds me with an all encompassing sense of peace and serenity. I can control things in my grasp, like how I react and respond to situations and instances. If I choose to get into disputes. Tell someone what they “need” to do because, you know, I have proven myself as an authority about life. I can engage with everyone around me, or just smile and move on to my next activity.

Each day reveals another aspect of me that had been cordoned off and unseen for much of my life. The chances I take now are to listen more and choose my words and timing thereof with their feelings being the center of my concern. Carrying around the weight of all those disappointments, regrets and failures is no longer an aspect of my fitness routine. Finally, I can start to utter the phrase, “you aren’t such a bad man after all, Hahn.”

That being said, for better of for worse, my mission got me to this point. Now that I have come to the conclusion that I desperately need to contract out any updates or new versions of my true vocation, He will be taking the reins.

It wasn’t really my mission all along. I just thought it was. Now, looking back, it has always been His. I just needed to figure that out and let go so I could get after it.

My temporary assignment.

“I love you”

Daily writing prompt

If you had a freeway billboard, what would it say?

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Once I embarked on my journey towards faith, two things were revealed. One, that the story would remain a constant, following a path that shared the seasons. This brings with it a sense of peace and serenity, knowing the way. But more stunning to me is the fact that along each step of the way, I become aware of something new, different and touching.

Perhaps it is how the story is told, through a multitude of voices, perspectives and experiences that provides greater impact and deeper meaning. Add to that the fact that the moments and revelations shared were not of this century, the prior, or even millenia. They were uttered or written long, long ago, spoken in to others with ancient tongues and dialects, detailed with reed and papyrus. And yet, at this instant, they maintain a revelance and power far beyond anything today.

Just over the past few days, John speaks of the difference of being one of the world and being one of God. How our infirmities and debilitation is fostered, raised and enhanced by things all around us. Being caught up in these concerns, like resentment, ego and self-righteousness, takes one down a ruinous path, speaking from my own experience. But upon letting go of things born of the world around you, an altogher different life takes hold. In a comforting, sustaining and altogher safe way.

His only son was sent here to teach all of us how to live and to love. When you feel as though there is nothing left for you, that you are worthless, unvalued and ruined, you can leave this world behind. Not in a hopeless manner. But in a hope-full approach. So as to truly be what you were made for, with true intention, trust and the knowledge that you are loved steadfastly and singularly.

We may be on the earth for now, but by no means does this require us to be of this world. We have the free will to choose.

And finally, to just live.

So if I had a billboard?

How about this:

“I love you”

Or if you prefer, a circus.

Daily writing prompt

Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

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“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”
― Bil Keane

He is the creator of “The Family Circus” cartoon, one of the first places I ventured, growin’ up, when the Sun-Times or Tribune was delivered on Franklin Street. Mr. Keane said that his name was spelled “Bil” because his parents knocked the “L” out of him for using the walls as his easel when he began to draw.

The past has its place. Back there. A resource like that spot in the library where the records of all the books, stories and reference material being stored was kept and maintained. While it has its function, living in the Dewey Decimal System is counter productive. Going back now and again to better understand how you got to be where you are now is a healthier way to employ the past.

Tomorrow is truly a mystery. All you can do to get an unkling as to what is to come the next morning, is to do all you can, to the best of your abilities before your noggin hits the pillow the night before. You could awake to calm waters, a steady tail wind and nothing but clear skies ahead. Or, you could face a tempest that will do its best to wring you out and question your own existence. Either way, you are meant to adapt and acheive. You just have to keep the short and Raybans next to the rain gear and boots.

Today is a present.

His gift to each of us. Opened at our discretion, used to the fullest we choose and then granted a decimal to keep the events in order for future reference. We are granted the grace to make the best of what we have been given. To create profound yesterdays and once in a life time tomorrows.

Or if you prefer, a circus.

Have a wonder-full ’26!!!

Daily writing prompt

What makes you feel nostalgic?

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When I come across these assignments, I tend to look up the origin of words. Just because. I think it is part of my creative process. A venture that has grown to its own level of prominence of late. To learn where it came from, how it was first used and what it became over time connects myriad dots and thoughts. My ever evolving creative process.

So on my way to that, I see that it rhymes with “myalgia”. Pain in one or more muscles. May sound odd, but some of the memories that arrive under the guise of nostalgia, are evident in the pain that seems to remain to this day. Not so much about regret. More so a feel good variety, that takes one back to some stellar moments.

Delving ever deeper, nostalgia was born of the Greek word, “nostos” meaning to return home, and, “algos”, or pain. Returning home to pain. I guess that is one way to look at it. But in this instance, not what this is going to be about. But I digress….

“Nostalgic” can be taken from a half full or half empty perepective. Similar to “reolution” this time of year. Wait, this time last year, because those would have been completed by now. Right? Right. But for what ever reason, my sense is that nostalgia seems focused on what has passed and is now gone, just like resolution is tied to what is not yet to be yet expected to take place all the same. Neither of which seem to have any connection to the present. A sad state of affairs.

If I look back on those nostalgic moments, yes, I can relive the joy that I felt at the time, being a part of our connected to an event or a time that has become a part of my very being. And yet, what is to say that those instances cannot be recreated and re-expereinced again? And again? And then, again? There is nothing that states they are reserved for that one hour, on that day, in that year, when Jupiter was in collusion with Saturn and Io was being shy and hiding because Orion had him in his sights. What was it about those times that can be remade now so that you no longer return home to pain, but recreate the sustaining sustenance of pure joy?

Maybe that is where resolve becomes part of the equation. Not the noun, the end game when we celebrate almost making it happen in ’26 but “honestly” adding it to the to do/bucket list of ’27. But the verb, to act in a committed and intentional manner so as to make the most of each and every moment from this point forward. Just imagine the nostalgia that can be made and added to the collection. Not just to be kept packed away with the LP’s, 8-tracks, cassettes and CD’s in the basement storage area. But literally moments that can captured daily on bluetooth. Played everywhere and at anytime.

So yes, I feel nostalgic about some of the times in my life. I talk to my small circle of friends, not often enough. I spark accomplishment and achievement in others, then witness their joy when the planets and constellations align. Connecting the dots between similar moments in my existence and theirs. Recreating them so to speak, re-experiencing the joy of those wonderful and wonder-full moments.

So let’s just say this. It can be a return home to something other than pain. But only if you resolve to stay right where you are and live as you were meant. Nothing but peace, serenity and true joy resides there.

Have a wonder-full ’26!!!

“Meno.”

I have found great joy in reading the gospel each morning in three different versions, emailed to me overnight. Each provides one with some key insights to ponder for the day to come and really gets those creative juices flowing. As you can probably tell. Presenting me with words I was kind of aware of, thought I understood, but really did not know from Adam.

Sorry. Helps sustain my humerous daddus affliction. But I digress…

This morning in the first reading of 1 Maccabees 2:15-29, there was a retelling of the enforcement of a king’s apostasy and Mattathias’ reaction.

Akin to the mother and her seven sons and how they chose the after life in lieu of an affirmation of not only a false prophet but false view of life.

I went back to “apostasy” and discovered the origins, the Greek word “apostasia” meaning “defection, rebellion or abandonment”. Recalling my fondness for Etymology class with Mr. Paris in high school back in the 70’s, I went a little deeper. Who knew today would start with some archeology.

“Apostasia” is formed from a prefix “apo” meaning “away from” and the verb “histemi” meaning “to stand”. “Thus, the literal meaning is to stand away from”.

Since this was first written long, long ago it has taken on a variety of meanings each of which are related to discarding ones faith. At this moment of of my personal reclamation project, however, I prefer to apply it from its original, literal meaning.

“To stand away from”.

My apostasia involves standing away from the ill conceived habits and thoughts that took me away from my true self. Beholding the notion that I had all of the answers and that I could do everything for everybody. Equipped with the double edged sword that is ego, I wounded humility for the sake of pride. All of which simply made me an island, surrounded by an ocean that ebbed with low self esteem and flowed with no forgiveness.

But as I have increasingly sacrificed the tenets of a choices poorly made and a life ill lived, a true fellowship beckons. One that called to the mother and seven sons. One that touched Mattathias and the multitudes of those that have followed. Removing me from a self-designed poverty and enriching me with an altogether serene and peaceful wholeness.

You may not realize it at first, but when you simply let go and stand away from what you were, you can genuinely become what you are meant to be.

My “apostasia” began with moving away from being alone as self-induced outcast. It has since evolved into allowing Him in and truly living.

“Meno”.