surrender – …my temporary assignment.

My temporary assignment.

Daily writing prompt

What is your mission?

One of the most precious aspects of this “congregation”, so to speak, is that we all simply get to share. To delve into what is happening between the ears and pur out some of what is swelling within our hearts. Nothing is dictated. No expectation. Rules? Guidelines? KPI’s?

Nope.

Just being ourselves, wherever that happens to be in the process. Sharing. Not telling, Advising. Stating. Laying out. Instructing. Simply sharing bits and pieces of ourselves to all that is willing to hear, read and feel. “Prompt” has its own sense and level of urgency tied to it. Not so much, “hey, get off your ass and get going here Hahn!” But a more subtle, “you know, you find writing affirming , fulfilling and just plain old fun, so you should set aside a moment or two to just be, Hahn.”

All of which fits into the mission. I will phrase it that way for now as that is more honest than claiming ownership of this venture. It is more so a way forward that was offered by another. It is just that I neglected to hear what was being said and see what I was being shown.

Initially, my mission was one of self destruction masked by the guise of self determination. Knowing all, showing all, telling all and being all to “all” is how I went about “life”, if you want to call it that. Perhaps on a technicality. Being friends, I can share this part of me with you now.

The faux sense of self determination was born not of self knowledge, but more so of selflessness. Without a true estimation of one’s value, abided by low self esteem, reinforced by a pervasive sense of shame, my mission was to please those around me. When I first discovered this, resentment – focused on those that couldn’t appreciate what I “had” – sank in and took control.

Upon deeper discernment and reflection, a revelation of sorts made its presence known. Looking back on it, maybe “presents” – like Mr. Keane suggested – is more appropriate. Because what I came to understand unwrapped an ongoing stream of gifts. The ultimate realization that I sought others, relationships and life on the basis of having those experiences confirm my complete self unawareness has provided me with the foundation for an entirely different mission.

It’s about time.

Not that traveling this new territory doesn’t come with its share of anxiety, doubts and plain old fear. But it surrounds me with an all encompassing sense of peace and serenity. I can control things in my grasp, like how I react and respond to situations and instances. If I choose to get into disputes. Tell someone what they “need” to do because, you know, I have proven myself as an authority about life. I can engage with everyone around me, or just smile and move on to my next activity.

Each day reveals another aspect of me that had been cordoned off and unseen for much of my life. The chances I take now are to listen more and choose my words and timing thereof with their feelings being the center of my concern. Carrying around the weight of all those disappointments, regrets and failures is no longer an aspect of my fitness routine. Finally, I can start to utter the phrase, “you aren’t such a bad man after all, Hahn.”

That being said, for better of for worse, my mission got me to this point. Now that I have come to the conclusion that I desperately need to contract out any updates or new versions of my true vocation, He will be taking the reins.

It wasn’t really my mission all along. I just thought it was. Now, looking back, it has always been His. I just needed to figure that out and let go so I could get after it.

My temporary assignment.

Surrendered

I think I have shared this revelation twice or thrice before, but throughout this ongoing process of reclamation, words and the timing thereof have taken on an entirely different contextual sense and assume an unexpected mass.

Whether it be the things I read, the thoughts I hear, conversations shared or the unanticipated moments alone, words of late have brought about a compellingly different way of being. Filters in place for ages are being amended or altered altogether. Their resonance has taken on an entirely new timbre.

Like this.

“Surrender”.

Not so much any more the verb exclusively defining it as the act of giving up, accepting embarrassing defeat, losing. But rather, surrender as a patient, knowing and faith filled embrace that is determined to free oneself of control, rationalization and ego. Along with it, comes letting go of fear, anxiety and the unknown. Not to say in any sense that surrender is item #5 on your “to do” list, or what you have planned for the weekend now that the kids are away.

Surrender is the centerpiece of metanoia. A transformative change in body, heart, mind and soul. It can approach you from a variety of paths. The realization that old habits are no longer affirming. That occupation is more about consumption of time, effort and maintenance than true purpose. And a sense that you diverged from being that man or woman you once thought you were.

Las night, I then came across this one.

“Surrendered.”

As shared in a thought by Rick Warren, it isn’t an act but an outcome. Coming across more so as a noun, something you choose to become, learn to know and live by and as. Though you may have acted to surrender before, the way he now employs it acts to define not just what and who you are. But how you got there.

“You also know you’re surrendered when you don’t react to criticism and rush to defend yourself. Surrendered hearts show up best in relationships. You don’t edge others out, you don’t demand your rights, and you aren’t self-serving when you’re surrendered.”

Being held captive by the critics, external and internal, can become confining and isolating. You devolve into what they espouse you should be. A part of the herd.

When you make yourself first and foremost around others, then what is the point? Assuming that throne does nothing to establish a nurturing, loving connection for anyone involved. How can they possibly wedge themselves into your protective ego-aura?

His last sentence simply captures it all.

One action, surrender, is what it takes so you can just “be”.

Surrendered.

To love.

We all are made to love.

Part of His divine design. As created by our higher power. God is the very source of love and we are called to embrace, reflect and direct that love to others.

Yet during the course of life’s travails, disappointments and distrust, we begin to engage in the process of actively obscuring that attribute. Cordoning off that integral and essential aspect of our being. Seeking ephemeral pursuits. Avoiding our true nature. Evading our responsibility. And in so doing, creating a false sense of security, safety and wellbeing.

Despite the fact that we are hardwired for it, and it is our primary purpose, it can hurt to love.

To give it without condition, guarantee or quid pro quo. To expose oneself to a seemingly fatal level of self-inflicted pain. We convince ourselves to capitulate to that illusion. That we will not survive the giving. That it will never be received as we intend. Or more to the point – how we expect it to be taken. Or that we need to be present to witness the ultimate outcome.

Choosing to succumb to a skinned knee, while another within our immediate universe might be in the throes of a hopeless, lingering, lonely spiral downward. Choosing process, research and expediency over interaction, intuition and patience. Focusing on our flaws rather than the good inherent to the core. Choosing ourselves and our needs first over those of another and making them second.

True, dispensing, gifting and asserting love are all arduous tasks. The heaviest lifting imaginable Missions that can generate more than their fair share of discomfort, disappointment and despair.

Forgoing our heavenly purpose, ignoring our design and ignoring our Creator.

Fortunately, there are those within our midst that refuse to be deterred. Fervently remaining on point. Absorbing the pain. Depleting themselves. Giving it up.

These sturdy souls, with an unyielding faith, have leaned into this mission. Recognized that their purpose lay within. The pain is temporary. Reserves can be refilled. And giving it up is who they are.

You see, we are all made to love. It’s just that we need to trust in that level of faith, learn to surrender ourselves to Him, and allow Him to direct our path.

Then we will be fully equipped and supported to do so for others.

To love.

Outcomes

Semantics, marketing and social media trends seem to somehow rule each day. It might be something oriented to draw out the athlete hidden deep within us. Maybe it is a phrase intended to bring out the leader that resides next to that athlete. Perhaps it is self defense tactics involving toxic environments and others. Or, a call to reveal one’s true character.

Now there isn’t anything off about any of these approaches. Not that they do not have relevance, sustainability or the potential for permanence. There is value to each and everyone. From my perspective, it is just that for some reason they appear to be targeted to a very specific group. And as such, the potential impact of what is being presented, said and promoted becomes so focused on one thing, that other ancillary concerns and needs are totally missed.

So as a football coach a year ago, E + R = O was presented to the program. At first glance, some apparent math equation that in our circumstance happened to be geared towards our game and conduct within it. But then, I came across this approach within some of the corporate social media I read and write about. And even more so in things that involve leadership, character, achievement.

You name it, Mr. Kight’s foundation for making the life you choose is everywhere

But now, I have started to see it from an entirely different perspective.

You can gear up things that apply to very specific targets. To become known for a prowess that speaks to a very specific audience. Perhaps some KPI. Or, since you have developed these tactics that have the potential to embrace a much wider group, perhaps it can be presented as that first, then as a dollar oriented approach.

The event plus response equals outcome viewpoint literally applies to all aspects of life. Not just athletics, business, self improvement or any other interest of the moment.

It goes far deeper than all the above.

Imagine you encounter an event in your life that beckons an urgent response. Maybe it is a health issue. A relationship challenge. Spiritual collapse. Alcohol or drug abuse. A self destructive behavior you somehow made your own. Loneliness.

All in their own right, entities not designed to fit a marketing driven collection of buzz words, phrases and such designed to attract likes, clicks and impressions. But rather, to fit into something with an altogether different gravity and mass.

An event you now face, plus the response you choose to make and how that will eventually create the outcome sought.

We all face them. We all need to respond accordingly. And then, we need to either accept the outcome, go back and amend our response and continue this assessment until the event has been overcome.

Or just accept things and call in the dogs.

Events are never trumpeted, announced or heralded. Well, not usually. And the tenor of these occurrences should not determine the fealty of the way things are encountered, embraced or enjoined.

We need merely to respond in a fashion that produces what we ultimately desire to achieve.

Whether we acknowledge it or not.

So, while an event prescribes a certain response, it may not be within our grasp to do so at this moment. It may be timing, circumstance, presence, placement or an unwillingness to accept the need for change. A stubbornness born of seeing things through your well worn rose colored specs.

Though response to an event will ultimately equate to an outcome, events and responses may be ill equipped to produce if not properly discerned, honestly approached and embraced with an element of surrender.

If you can somehow adhere to this equation at this level, all other situations will follow suit, providing the genuine, warranted and desired outcome.

Remain present in the event. Be honest with yourself about the response that is required.

And make the outcome a source for life.