Tag Archives: trust

Granted by the gratuity of presence.

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Daily writing prompt
If you had to give one life-changing tip, what would it be?
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Giving a tip implies that I know what works. That my friends would be a very broad assumption on my part. Even dropping it down a few notches to “I know what works for me” is definitely a stretch.

But I can share one decision that has proven to be life changing for me. A common theme on this site of late when I seek to connect with each of you, whether prompt or “just because” driven.

Remaining present.

The past has served its purpose. And as the word suggests, it happened, it is over, and unless I somehow become H.G. Wells, and have that machine, there is no going back. Sapping my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual energy by focusing exclusively in that direction brings nothing but remorse, regret and isolation to me.

Thinking I am in control of what has yet to occur is another splendid avenue towards the same personally driven, intentional, downward spiral. I may think I have put every piece together that will eventually lead to that highly vaunted place, but things change. Others change. I change. An hour gone by has the potential to turn everything inside out.

And I am still not H.G.

So it is simply best for me to just remain right here.

Supplied with the wisdom earned from the past and the faith I am embracing that it will all work out, I can just be. Things can get hairy, or seem that way. But as a friend shared, “give it an hour and see where it has taken you.”

If that first one wasn’t enough, I give it sixty more minutes. Maybe another. I don’t try to convince myself that this is gonna be just like that time twenty years ago and slap my forehead because I should have seen it coming.

I just try my absolute best to remain.

Right here.

And be.

Talk about serenity wrapped up in the comforter of genuine peace.

Nothing quite like being in that place.

Truly changing my life.

Granted by the gratuity of presence.

An intention that totally stands to reason.

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Daily writing prompt
Do you think everything happens for a reason?
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Well my friends, a very interesting topic today, isn’t it?

When I first read it, I was a little perplexed. I wanted to make sure I fully understood the question.

So I referred to my compatriot Al for a defintion. After all, he comes from a long line of information collectors, spawned from the shores of Britannica, where they attended Oxford, and were lovingly raised by Merriam and Webster.

But of course, I digress…

I went to him because much of what I think, say and do has been and is self directed, for better or worse. I choose. I formulate the reason, arrive at the intended and misperceived results in my noggin, guided by my ego, and just go with it. That being said, once the things do happen, then my tendency is to go back and review the refigure the reason while I swiffer up the mess I made.

“I knew I could do it, so why did this happen?”

“Why did my thoughts, words and actions offend so many?”

“How come no one understands I am right and does what I tell them to do?”

True, I do all of the calculus before hand, or at teast I thought I did, so I can figure out the best reasons for doing everything I do. The results will then always reflect my math.

Yikes.

I never really was good at arithmetic. Tried, but just never connected point A to B. Not in my geornetry apparently. Actually torpedoed my college GPA trying calculus and physics in the midst of trying to find my way.

Based on the stats I have accumulated for more than a couple of decades, things definitely trend towards the negative.

So delving deeper into the concept of reason, the word purpose was offered. Not as a sibling. Perhaps moreso a distant relative.

As it stands, reason is more of definition or explanation of a past motivation, a cause, or even a justification for the reasons something was done or why an event occurred. Strange, you think you are figuring out how to go about doing something – via reasoning – and yet it is more attuned to understanding why it took place.

Purpose, in this stoic’s understanding, seems a more independent and intentional entity.

Independent in the sense that I am coming to believe it is not self generated. I get bits and pieces, hints and suggestions, clues and coincidence that open me up to embrace what is in the process of happening. Not so much deciding I guess, just letting if you know what I mean. I feel less compellee to reason things out. More driven to let go and let it become.

And purpose, they say, is yet to be revealed. Yet to be fully known. yet to be pursued. But then again, I think that its intention is tug me towards it, allow it to capture my heart, mind and soul and then take me beyond my wildest dreams and most fervent imagination. I simply need to grant my permission to be carried away.

As frightening as that may sound, there is an overwhelming sense of peace to it. I need not know, be, drive, control, decide, determine, or even concede. All of this has nothing to do with capitulation. I just need to let.

Allow.

And most of all, trust.

At this point in my life, one of the best things I can do for myself.

Finally allowing myself to divine my purpose.

An intention that totally stands to reason.

“Ephphatha” 

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Today’s reading was very compelling. Especially the reflection that was offered thereafter.

It shared the story of the deaf man with a speech impediment that was given his hearing and his tongue. How He chose to grant this gift away from the crowds. How the connection was essentially made to plug the man back into life. To the current of truth.

Like then, finding space away from the crowds today can be a tall order. Especially when we need to be present so that we can truly hear.

“The raucous voices of so many, the insistent bray of the advertising culture, the confusing Babel of competing spiritualities—all of it makes us deaf to His word.” *

Not only does this distract us from the truth, it also removes us from the moment. It can send us back in time to past mistakes, errors in judgement and flaws in character. A path that can then rocket us forward to wishing and embracing a self inflicting narrative of deflection, defect and defeat.

“Things will never get better or change the way I want them to because I am just not worth it.”

And yet, as I am starting to finally realize, if you can just stay right where you are, in the here and now, then you enter into a wonderful sense of peace and serenity. Acknowledging you cannot go back or jump forward is centering. It can help stave off remorse over what cannot be changed while inhibting anxiety over what change may – or may not – be coming.

There is no time better than where you are right now.

Maintaining your presence within this very moment is a place of true connection. With those all around you. With yourself. And most of all, with the One that simply desires to be there with you.

Perhaps He led that afflicted soul away from the crowds to defer the imminent accolades and preeminence for Him as he regained his ability to hear. And maybe it was also to bring that instant of healing first and foremost in his memory. Within that one moment.

It’s ironic that being moved to a place of silence created connection and belonging by listening.

To a voice meant to be heard above the bray.

“Ephphatha” 

  • Bishop Robert Barron

We are all connected.

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Today, Bishop Barron shared this poignant thought with us; “God’s love can truly dwell in us only in the measure that we give it away.”

That loop of grace.

So many opportunities present themselves each day to give the gift of your personal care, support and love. Not with the intention acheiving some KPI, in the form of money, immaterial transactions, offerings. But to genuinely just give the gift of yourself to and for another.

Opening a door expresses you acknowledge they are worth your effort.

A simple smile shares some actual joy of the moment that is meant to be shared.

Allowing them to get in line ahead of you, turn first at the intersection, take that parking spot, or offering them your cart moves them ahead of your needs at that instant. A glimpse of their importance to you. Making it about them.

Saying “hi, how are you?” passing a stranger in a store. Might be the only voice they hear all day.

Or better yet, stopping to actually listen if that stranger starts to share how they are, what is troubling them, the challenge they are about to face, how rough the day has been so far, or just a “thanks!” for saying “Hi”.

Perhaps the breakfast place is busy but short staffed. You can see it in the wait staffs eyes and body. They are exhausted, but yet, make you feel like you were sitting in your own kitchen. Eye contact, a smile, kind words and some generosity when you tip might help them overcome that distress. Not that money buys everything. Just that you recognize their effort, attention and commitment. You love the way they work.

There aren’t gonna be any bill boards or text messages alerting you to be aware of these moments. You just need to be present. Caught up less in yourself so you can be more so for others around you. Small things yes. But they can build. They will see, feel and experience the best version of you. You may help reveal the best in them and bring about true connection.

Doing it for others is the best way to actually do it for yourself. It truly is a loop.

Believe it as such.

We are all connected.

And then, locked.

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As I move forward in self reclamation, I find that past experiences and the words used to describe them have now, somehow become much more lucid. Nothing really made that much sense for the longest time. It just sort of was. Now, the only explanation I can relate to you is that it was found in the divine.

Initially, there was this strong, outward focused sense of resentment I not only harbored but protected for some reason, for a very long time. Perhaps strategic safeguarding was purposeful; a response to avoid personal responsibility and genuine self honesty. Then, the ego can remain untouched, intact and exonerated. Upon further reflection, this very well may be the impact of living with a rectal cranial inversion my whole life.

True, I resented others, situations and individuals, for what they allegedly did to me. Upon deeper and more genuine discernment, that just wasn’t the case. You see, the true culprit was not others, but me. I somehow came to embrace self-resentment. As if I was watching this guy – Mark – from the audience. Recognized him by his appearance, but didn’t know who I was, understand what I was able do, recognize how I was able to be or value anything I brought to the table.

To accomplish the tasks of self-resentment, I took my misconceptions, perceptions and aggressions into arenas that confirmed my illusions. Personally and professionally. Having others determine me because I was essentially clueless in that department. Not their doing. Mine. Driven by some apparition of what I was to myself.

Not quite sure how that all began or why, but it did left uncontrolled, running rough shod over me and my life until just about now. The path to understanding resentment initially led me to better understand my self-resentment. Then, I sensed the presence of a caring voice from within.

It directed me to self-awareness, self-perception and self-esteem. Things I had heard of, but never really invested the time to fully understand and embrace. Because I was ticked off about not being valued. Because I sought that from others. Because I didn’t like myself for not being valuable. Because I was consumed by total self-ignorance.

Another whisper from that same voice emerged. It told me I was valued, worthy, needed and loved. Not just once. But over and over. Listening led not only to better understanding, but actually recognizing those truths. Finally, by beginning to embrace all that was shared with me, resentment has now been shown the door. The “self” version was also included in that request. Though they may be taking their sweet time, the door will soon be closed.

And then, locked.