Who I am.

“What we have to be is what we are.”

― Thomas Merton

I do my best to read the daily gospel reflections from Bishop Barron.  As I continue my work to regain the conviction to return I am finding each day’s offering extends far beyond the scope of its intentions.  At least that is how I read and feel them.  

Parallels abound, things click in all manners and his words convey images, ideas and interests faar beyond the message of the moment.  Thank you for shaking things up and making me think, Bishop.  

So today, He says “who do you say that I am?”. A point blank address to those around Him to confess the known but unsaid truth.  To put what was known into words.  So that all were not just aligned, but all understood and all confirmed the veracity of what things were.  Sorry, kind of selling that historic moment short.  

Now in no way am I contending that I deserve that level of consideration from anyone let alone twelve.  But when I read this, I actually wondered what those that “know” me say that I am.  For it is certain that I struggle saying who I am.  And I am confident that those around me see something that is for lack of a better term, exists in total obscurity to me.  

Now He asked because he knew, and wanted them to come to see and share in that knowledge.  I ask because I am not so keen on what it is that I am, and seek to understand what is obvious to those but me.  

While He was made to be Him, I was made to be me.  You were made to be you. It can be challenging when there is alot of gray and we just are not certain who we say we are as was He. Perhaps there is something else to be gained from today’s gospel.  

Relinquish the resistance towards something bigger than yourself.  Like trust in how you were made.  What you are intended to do. 

So that you can be what you are.  

Who He says I am.

Undefeated.

To be “undefeated” means that despite your faults, your weaknesses and your circumstances, you will not allow yourself to become defeated. 

Remaining “undefeated” is a mindset, an attitude you can choose to live by. It stands to reason, then, that becoming defeated is solely your choice. Allowing your perceived  faults, a collection of bad decisions and the times you allowed yourself to falter when you should have been at your best to govern your life is essentially deciding to let all those moments define you. 

Labeling yourself in this manner will only lead your thoughts, words and actions to mirror those self-defeating expectations and behaviors.  And once so defined in this manner, you will find it increasingly more difficult to become what you were meant to be.  Sort of like being lost, you will find yourself far from the person that was intended to remain ‘undefeated”. 

So stop tearing yourself down and apart. Do not put yourself onto that path of self-destruction.. Affirm your true  value, advocate for yourself  through your performance and learn to see your abundant potential. Know that you are a powerful and positive force not just for you, but also in the lives of others. In time, with an open mind and heart, you will begin to see your faults and failures in a different light. 

You can learn to choose to define yourself in the way that you respond to each “loss” – in thought, word or deed. You can develop a mindset that holds to the fact that despite my faults and weaknesses, “I can still be the captain of my destiny.” 

I will not be defeated.

Whatever their source, accept defeats for what they are; opportunity. 
Abundant chances to choose to respond in a fashion that can forever define you as “undefeated”

Stony.

Before I share, I  feel I need to set a table so to speak. 

My aim in these posts is not to tell anyone what to do, how to think, what to believe or how to live.  Rather, I simply hope to share the thoughts, words and moments that were intended to impact, direct and change me and my life for the past 60 some years.  Those things just don’t happen.  And as Mr. Einstein once posed; “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.” 

Rarely did I hear and follow.  Sometimes I may have listened and then chose to ignore.  Oftentimes,  I just blocked things out because it was gonna be too hard, they meant I was wrong and my ego was contused.  Ultimately, I thought I could just handle it all later.  

Funny how fast later can creep up on you. 

I just was not ready for surrender.  Stubbornly, still not. Daily skirmishes and battles continue to this hour. But this too needs to change.  Will change.  Surrender is beckoning. 

I just want to write. Offer ideas. Different perspectives. Share others’ words. And perhaps become a friend.  

Maybe even the one next to you – or me – in that foxhole.  

There.  

That being said, here is today’s QOTD: 

Be crumbled.

So wild flowers will come up where you are.
You have been stony for too many years.
Try something different.
Surrender.

Rumi

Too stony. 

Too stony indeed.  

Visionary.

When vision is bold, there is bound to be discomfort. 

Leadership that chooses to work towards a desired reality far beyond the confines of the known takes a great deal of courage. And to press beyond existing limits is always a difficult task. Not for the faint of heart. 

It is a choice that involves and produces risk. There will be fits, starts and periods of inertia. But without commitment, action with full intention and the fortitude to leave safe harbor, there are no avenues for growth. 

When venturing out into the great unknown is too daunting, there is scant opportunity for improvement. Without embracing risk, average will have to be the accepted standard of achievement. And only wishful thinking can produce any notion of excellence. 

True, leaving the comfort of the known creates discomfort. 

It does command committed effort. Demands personal accountability. Beckons courage and character. Assignments coveted by those that choose to be bold. 

Embraced only by leadership truly visionary.

…just wishing.

“ One of the most fundamental statements of Christian faith is this: your  life is not about you. This is not your project. Rather, you are part of  God’s great design. To believe this in your bones and to act  accordingly is to have faith. When we operate out of this transformed vision, amazing things can happen, for  we have surrendered to “a power already at work in us that can do  infinitely more than we can ask or imagine.”   

-Bishop Robert Barron

This captures the very essence of the struggles one encounters on a daily basis.  

Heck, let’s be honest, minute by minute.

It is one thing to think it’s not about you.  To convince yourself to get your heart and mind right.  Commit to expressing that in the  words you choose, no matter the outlet, setting or audience.  Fully embracing a discipline to dedicate your personal forces to that  mission.  Aspiring to live as if it is not about you. 

But, it is another thing altogether to do it.  Let go, step aside and make it not about you. 

‘Cause when that starts to happen?  

Whammo. 

Colleagues begin to succeed.  Winning customers, landing projects and earning accolades for projects  that were once your bread and butter.  Those are no longer yours alone.  Roles have shifted.  And it  is now your time  to support their efforts,  to build them and enhance their career.

Then, true team dynamics can begin to take front and center.  The needs for growth via group goals may call you to become a utility man.  Your experience and abilities are now needed to fill in the gaps.  To address the pressing needs that present themselves in  shades of gray.  So rather than assuming  the lead in a role you know like the back of your hand, you step back, and let others step up.

Finally  then, the talents of others can begin to find their way to the surface,  emerge and be expressed. Potential, once  cloaked in doubt and fear , can now be revealed by them and finally “seen” by you.   Those wobbly, first baby steps of initiative can be taken.  And as their momentum grows, so too will their confidence.   The veil of trepidation is removed and things come into focus for all.  Now, surrounded by a greatness that was already present in all – all can ascend.  

As one. 

These and many other similar moments are where the rubber meets the road in life.  But you cannot just wish them to be.  Works of this magnitude take  courage, conviction and commitment. You must convert your  thoughts and words into the deeds and intentions for His project.  

Begin by slaying personal pride.  Squashing ego. Eliminating envy.

And rubbing dirt on the scrapes, bruises and boo boos that are sure to come.

Release your grip and allow His work to proceed in ways that need not be comprehended now but simply accepted with a sincere attitude of gratitude.  

After all, it’s His grand scheme of things. 

Not yours.

You can think it.  And you can say it. 

But until you  trust and  operate out of this “transformed vision”,  these amazing things cannot happen.  And you can never get to where He wants you to be.  

Where your true talents are fully expressed. 

Potential, no longer cloaked in doubt and fear, can finally be revealed.   

So take those wobbly baby steps. 

Build some momentum and grow confidence by embracing this direction.  Lose the veil of trepidation and allow His vision to come into focus for you.  Lean into His already present greatness so you might ascend.  Find true joy.  

Meaning.  

And belonging.

But until then, it’s all just wishing.