Tag Archives: bond

As it was intended.

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Was able to elicit a profoundly layered perspective regarding the nature of stymieing personal challenges during a conversation this morning. It was one of those epiphanical moments that sent this stoic noggin a spinning. I am from the vinyl era, so that do make sense.

So when you are enmeshed in multitude personal issues and shortcomings that confound thought, word and deed, for whatever reason, they get tangled up, one in another. Constricting you like a leash or rope, tethering you to poor choices, deceit, ego, control, anger, resentment and strangely enough, isolation and abandonment. One would think that change in some manner or fashion would enable you to break free from this confinement with a steady, forceful pull.

Perhaps.

But if the thoughts, words and deeds remain the same, you will find yourself right back where you were before. Tied to the behaviors that led you to that personal imprisonment in the first place. Only this time, the rope maybe stronger, shorter and more painfully wrapped about your body mind, heart and soul.

Someone next to me referred to the act of unentanglement.

Coming to understand and confront what has you bound, one strand at a time. He cited that even though you may refrain from the action, the habitual self convincing approach to its continuation may yet remain. As such, each of those contrivances utilized to promulgate and perpetuate your current falsehood of a life need to be addressed, understood, cut, and dropped by the side of the road.

Period.

Maybe you can break that rope once or twice. But the fiber of its creation yet remains. Guaranteed to only come back in a stronger, more inhibiting and existence sapping manner.

But, if you break and then eliminate each strand, confinement to that way can no longer exist. Your change in your approach towards life then actually forms its own strands. Acting to extend outward, connecting you to others, healthy pursuits and affirming growth that act together, extending your reach, broadening your horizons and affirming your newly found true self.

Becoming woven into life in this manner means you are enmeshed with others.

True, healthy connection.

Ineinander.

One into the other.

Poor choices, ego, deceit, control, anger and resentment bind one up into isolation and abandonment. Cutting that cord, strand by strand, is freeing. It brings about a deeper understanding and appreciation for what you can become. No longer bound to the past, you can remain fully in the present. Abound in peace and serenity. Connecting to integrity, character, humility, joy and fulfilment.

The bond you now feel is that of respect, support, gratitude, compassion and love. One into the other.

One into living.

As it was intended.

Together.

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About thirteen years ago, I started to carry a pail to football practice. At the time, it was meant to be a lesson for the kids. But ever since then, it has since become a poignant one for me. One about the essence of understanding, moving towards life and being open to true love. 

I shared a story about that pail with the players and parents in our community youth football program. How it held the most fertile soil around. Dark, rich, 100% Lemke Park dirt.  The finest in all of Mequon. How at one time, it had been home to bumper crops of corn, soybeans or perhaps even wheat. 

And as the lesson began to unfold, I shared how it had since grown into the best piece of grass in all of M-T. How even to this day, despite the goal posts, sleds and painted lines, it remained true to its original purpose; a farm. A place where some of the best young men and finest football players around are grown each year. 

I posited that since both grass and football players seem to grow so well on it, there had to be something about that dirt. I touched on its medicinal qualities.  How its composition acted as a salve for the pains and disappointments in life.  “A handful of that soil, when applied to where it hurts”, I said, “would make it all go away.” 

To “rub some dirt on it”, in football and life parlance. 

That tale was penned to buck them up, get them past their self-doubts, move them beyond discomfort, to take on challenging situations and help them overcome fear.  A motivational ploy to help them grow.  Like that dirt was to that old farm. Like football is to life.

But to one, the message resonated in an altogether different manner.  Though she read everything he’d written, this particular offering struck a different chord. This time, she “saw” something else.  Not just what was woven into those words.  But in the fabric of the one carrying that pail. 

She understood the lesson being taught. Its intention. How it was meant to promote growth.  But something at her core became focused on the one carrying the pail. And being that she happened to be made that way also, the connection was obvious.  The pail was part of her being too.

For her, it was not merely a prop. It spoke to her in a far more substantial way.  More than just “rub some dirt on it”. That pail was representative of what their  ultimate mission was to be.  Together. As one.

She  came to realize that he was just like her.  He shared in her life purpose. Vocation.  Yet in his own way.  And at some level, she simply wanted him to know that he was not alone in that.  In time, he began to see her.  To understand and appreciate that she was just like him.  

No longer would she be alone in pursuing her passion. And he now knows within his own core that same “something” she first sensed within hers.  Beyond what is merely woven into words.  But in the very fabric of his being. 

That she is within him. 

Ineinander. 

The seed of what has since become a life-long bond.

Gardeners both. 

Two fully intent on producing healthy, lasting, and abundant growth within one another.  

Within everyone they touch.  

And everywhere they go. 

Two that were always intended to carry that pail of dirt. 

Together.  

Or as part of the family.

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“Family” is bandied about in various aspects and venues of life. It is especially conveyed as an corporate aspiration throughout the business world, as a way to promote community at schools of all levels and is especially prevalent in sports teams, just to name a few.

One thing I have noticed is that often times when the term is used, perhaps innocently and honestly at first glance, it seems that the key focal point of family is muddled. The table – that one common place you are called around to gather, collaborate, bond and love – can take on somewhat of a preset configuration. Maybe initially born of shape, but moreso how it tends to become organized and prioritized.

Whether by happenstance or design, it seems to gravitate towards being large and rectangular. Yet regardless of the origin, the configuration provides the “correct” setting for those that deem themselves apart. Those most worthy may elect to reign at the head of the table. Then, others so inclined, may array themselves strategically around the head, as second, third, fourth and so in, “in command”, honor, prestige or standing.

Things can get away from you if you lose sight of the true goal, becoming more an organizational, ruling setting than family in my estimation.

Throughout my time in football, I have noticed that the team huddle can too somehow begin to take on that shape, with certain players assuming a spot at the head – through their chosen thoughts, words and deeds. If not careful and grounded in the truth of the moment, ego and class become weapons to run roughshod over others. This creates separation not unity. And when those elders team up on the bully pulpit, others in that much larger family begin to shrink, retreat and hide away. What is meant to be an all inclusive, tightly woven circle morphs into some other obtuse geometry of disarray.

Not the way to be family.

With a truly familial mindset, shape neither creates nor reinforces misplaced values. What matters most is why you are being called, how it can become a lasting, loving and positive impact on all those gathered around it and what you can ultimately do and become to honor that family.

Perhaps it is a large rectangle because it merely fits the space available and the numbers enjoined. The huddle it meant to retain a shape conducive to shoulder to shoulder, arms entwined and eyes locked in common bond and purpose. Come to the think of it, despite it being a large “U”, the triclinium overcame its own challenges of shape and guest to bring together and create the most compelling family of all time.

You can choose to be defined by the shape of the space.

Or as part of the family.

“…grace under pressure”

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Courage. Perseverance.  Intestinal fortitude.  Grit. 

Words you might choose to describe “guts” – a trait not readily grasped or easily defined.  

In 1929, when pressed by a reporter for his definition of “guts”, American writer, and Nobel Laureate, Ernest Hemingway responded in his typical, storied fashion, saying, “By ‘guts’ I mean, grace under pressure”. 

If you think about it, there are all sorts of moments in everyday life that call for “guts” – grace under pressure; walking to the podium to deliver a speech to an auditorium full of strangers, being the only one to stand up for what is right, admitting you have failed. 

Performing with “guts” – grace under pressure – illustrates the very essence of competitive athletics.  

History is made time and again when “guts” overtakes talent. Where the “can’t possibly lose powerhouse” is upended by an underdog, a team that literally scratched and fought their way past a supposedly superior opponent.  Over and over again, talent, preparation, strategy and reputation alone have succumbed to unrelenting effort, unbridled passion, courage and “want to”. 

Guts. 

More often than not, champions are forged solely and entirely on “guts” – grace under pressure.  Playing through exhaustion and pain.  Staring down fear and failure.  Performing on a plane that one never imagined existed. 

Dan Gable, a world-renowned collegiate and Olympic wrestler exemplified this when he said:  “Gold medals aren’t really made of gold. They’re made of sweat, determination, and a hard-to-find alloy called guts.”

This team possesses that hard to find alloy.  

This team has guts. 

Time and again you have found a way to press on, to fight for one more point, to block one more shot, to come back one more time. You have faced the uncertainty that accompanies injury as well as the anxiety of knowing that the next serve could be the last for all of you as this team.  Despite all of the adversity – you have pressed on – playing with “grace under pressure”.  

Playing with guts. 

Once again, you will need to dig for that hard to find alloy tomorrow. 

You will need to mine the vein that runs deep within your team.  Find a way to revel in the moment that you have created for each other this season and make this day your day.   Find comfort and strength in the bonds you have forged and embrace the challenges you meet – “as one”.  

You possess the alloy of champions ladies.  

And your opponent will know it soon enough. 

(Happened upon this from 2009 during the WIAA Girls State Tennis Tournment. Homestead went on to win, capping an amazing season.)