Tag Archives: life

I am worth it.

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Daily writing prompt
What’s a mystery from your own life that you’ve never solved?
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A mystery.

Hmmmm. Let me see….

I don’t see any Poirotesque connections in this one. Plus, how in the heck does he make his moustache stand at attention like that. Good God. One booger search, sleeve sneeze or an asiago bagel piled with cream cheese and that stache would be histoire. I wonder if I could do something like that with my 4/0 eyebrows. Mon dieu, mais je m’éloigne du sujet….

At this stage in the game, it appears as though my personal search discernment party has found it self at a cross road. There are still acres to be trod and perseverance to be deployed, but sense is being made regarding this life mystery. Not that I know the answer. Just that I am getting better acquainted with the question.

For some reason, that still lay outside my grasp, I have allowed my value and worth to be determined inan open and albeit unconcerned market. To ensure “proper consideration” through out this external assessment process, I then add to the calamity by using “over” as the requisite prefix to every thought, word and deed I enjoin.

Over-functioning is how my counselor termed it. Figures, since it fits perfectly with all manner of functions. Like – thinking, – trying. – doing, – extending, – caring, -carrying, – attempting, – giving, and so on, ad nauseum. When unleashed into a field with no fences, this fuzzy little guy just wants to run all over, seeking a look, some attention, a semi-smile, heck, even a passing pat on the noggin. Should those affirmations be of short supply, then it had to be something I did or didn’t do that produced that level of inattention, disaffirmation and neglect.

So fill up the tank, get off your ass and get back to it Hahn.

Over, and over. And over.

And over.

And over.

The Hercule en moi is still pondering this one.

But by the grace of God, I at least have a starting point. That may take me to its origins. To “why?” Maybe. Or perhaps its take was to simply make me aware, so that I can just learn, appreciate the value of its lesson and begin to leave it. At the very least, I am now aware of its dissonance when it starts approaching me from a distance. I can gird them, remain in the moment and make some much healthier choices. Protect myself for once. And just let me be.

It took some time to unravel this mystery of my life. Still a few more layers to go. But I do know one thing with absolute clarity and certainty.

Pour une fois.

I am worth it.

Wait, is that a smile?

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Daily writing prompt
What’s a moment you wish you could freeze and live in forever?
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First off, I have lived in the Midwest pretty much my entire existence, so there has been ample opportunity to freeze and live in forever. Don’t get me wrong, we get all four seasons, in no particular order, but shorts and a T to jeans and a down coat the next day is life in these parts.

That being said, I would drop the vernacular and replace “freeze” with something more temperate. Like the perpetual warmth that accompanies rapture. A being carried away by intense and loving sense of delight, joy, bliss and euphoria. (Sorry Syd, not you.)

Maybe this better captures my thoughts:

Awe.

‘Cause then I get to use a word I made up, allegedly, in some other tome; awe-full. To find yourself full of awe. Bet you never guessed any of this was going happen in this prompt. Funny where life takes you. Especially when this guy is driving the bus.

That being said, or rather all of this being said, I think I would be inclined to want to find myself in awe over and over again. At random. Not always or every time. Then it could become redundant. The same old, same old. That would deplete it of its lustre, lower the “what the…??!!!!” aspect of its sudden appearance and transform it from a gift of grace to an exercise of expectation. In short, it would be aweful.

So knowing and appreciating the centering, healing and resurrective essence of awe, perhaps I would ask that I could somehow became more open and aware of the circumstances that lend themselves to bringing it all about. Not that I need to make that happen or want to be the sole creator of those moments. I turned in my resignation for being in charge of everything a little while ago. A weird hybrid schedule.

But if I could somehow be better equipped as a human to nourish the circumstances leading up to it, and then witness its birth, then I would be one happy camper.

Living an awe-full life.

A wish come true.

Wait, is that a smile?

But I can catch His excellence.

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Daily writing prompt
Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?
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I cannot say I live by one, but I can say I think of some more than others. It is a rather fluid situation. Their respective rank has shifted and changed over the course of time, largely because I have changed over the course of time. Or rather, I am in the process of changing over the course of time. Wait. I am finally realizing change is needed now because there is not a lot of time remaining. Boom! There it is! My digress in the prompt of the day….

Most of what has stuck in my noggin are thoughts pertinent to the motivation of student-athletes I have had the opportunity to coach for going on twenty five years. If by chance, any one else happened to read those thoughts I would share, they too would get to know about some of these wonderful authors. Lots of James Allen, Whitman, Emerson, Angelou, Einstein, King and others. Digging deeper, I found inspiration from the ancients like Aristotle, Seneca, Socrates, Aurelius and the like. Those of the cloth; Merton. Nouwen and Aquinas. Bringin’ up the rear, men like Dungy, Lombardi, Wooden and those that found their way into my life.

The change I alluded to is essentially focus related. Going from what can be made of oneself on the field, in the weightroom, during class and within the community to what is intended to be created from within. Not alone mind you. But in concert with THE best coach ever made.

For example, Coach Lombardi spoke of excellence in this fashion: “Gentlemen, we will chase perfection, and we will chase it relentlessly, knowing all the while we can never attain it. But along the way, we shall catch excellence.”

A mentor of mine, Coach Rauch, offered: “Adversity is not an ‘if’ but a ‘when’ event.” Another man who saw things in me I never recognized, Pastor Freyer, offered: What you are someday going to be, you are now becoming.”  And this one from James Allen: “As a man thinketh in his heart, so shall he be”

All very individual focused, on what each could aspire to in an effort to raise up all those about them. Ideal for football and life, in the perspective they offer as to the lasting impact of effort, knowing that opportunity lay in adversity, how intention can positively command direction and what you think creates the words and deeds towards becoming what you were intended to be.

By becoming the best that was in you, you brought out the best in others, being witness to your transformation. A non-transactional gift given to the one next to you. Partly out of being on a team and being a teammate. But moreso, out of love. Leaving it all out there for them. One doing so leaves its mark. But imagine five. Ten. Thirty some players willingly and selflessly serving another. Together. Talk about excellence. Talk about joy.

Those days built the foundation for this man.

And now, my desire is to fully be what it is I was intended to be. No one is here randomly. There is a reason for our existence. A purpose. And a mission designed specifically for each one of us. Perhaps the inklings of that was shared when I wore the pads and then when I traded them for a whistle. My teammates will always be a part of me, don’t get me wrong. It just appears as though my current team has shrunk to two. And it is no longer confined to a field.

During a conversation this past week, someone said; “I cannot. He can. I will let Him.”

That one has stuck with me. With it, I can maintain fatihful effort, receive the grace of opportunity that lay in all adversity, intentionally and positively follow His direction and listen for the words that lead to deeds so I can finally become what He intended me to be.

For this I have chased my entire life.

I know I will never attain perfection.

But I can catch His excellence.


I just leave it up to discussion

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Daily writing prompt
What topics do you like to discuss?
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Hmm.

I don’t think I am topic driven. Necessarily.

Me and my youngest son are Godzilla movie fans. We drove 45 minutes away to watch one at midnight once. Both my sons love Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and movies on American history, primarily war flics. All four of them went to see Dead Pool 2 with me. I laughed out loud for the entire show.

I love music – all genres. I have oldies, classical, alt and jazz on Audacy and Spotify for the car. I don’t read nearly enough, but that is changing. I am not a binge watcher of TV, but there are ones I like to watch as regular as possible. Like the Stooges on ME TV for two hours, AFV on Sundays, maybe Nature on PBS, football if the spirit moves me. “The Pitt” has picqued my interest.

Like cooking, inside and on grill, baking the cookie recipe my youngest daughter and I perfected, trying new places out just because, coffee refills and hard boiled eggs from Kwik Trip, Rocky’s Pizza in Westchester, Alexander’s skillets in Stickney and 1505 egg salad sammich with quinoa salad in Mequon.

Gardening is SO much fun. Yard work instant gratification. So is cutting grass. Shoveling snow. Taking a walk around the yard.

I guess what I am trying to share is that I might be able to talk about any topic. Maybe not computer stuff, or investment thingees. I would definitely give it a whirl. I think it is just the honest interaction I desire.

Perhaps there are topics I would really like to engage in. Like my faith and the other changes I have made in my life. But those can get pretty hairy. I can start to go to great lengths when things begin to flow and the noggin is fully engaged. As long as they are willing, I sure am.

Like my grandpa before me, I try not to know any strangers. That is, I start a conversation with just about anyone about anything.

Not that I plan those times. Or know what I will talk about.

I just leave it up to discussion.

Especially this version.

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Daily writing prompt
Describe a risk you took that you do not regret.
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Let’s just say I am not risk adverse.

I am open to trying things, failing, learning and then going back to square one. Not that my risk involves big things like investments, flipping properties, flying a plane, things like that.

But now that I think of it, my dad – “Doc” – learned to how to fly an old Piper with his dad as the copilot, at age 11. I think he had his sights not only set on the horizon but on Guinness as well. My understanding is that someone beat him by a few months.

Then me, my brothers and Charlie from down the block followed Doc’s footsteps and tried it around middle school I will say, by baking the worlds largest cookie. My dad’s dad – a baker – got us connected to a place and we made king size Hollywood Bar. 8′ long x 3′ wide and about 18′ thick. Donated it to a senior center. Didn’t make the Guiness Book but our story showed up in the Chicago Daily News, That clipping is buried in a bin.

Back to risk.

Learned to drive stick in a ten ton dump truck. Operated a jack hammer and paved streets. Played college football just because. Rode in centuries, ran half marathons, worked out daily and flipped a tractor tire up and down a football field at 60.

Renovated a two flat. Helped with a start up manufacturing company, hit the road to sell its services. Left a financially sound company to work for one going through bankruptcy and buying others in the same condition. Dropped my forty some year sales and operations career to coach individuals with diverse abilities.

Wrote. Spoke.

All provided the giddiness I spoke of a post or so ago. And all that can happen is that you goof up and you you cannot pass Go or collect $200.

While those aspects and examples of my love for it continue to move forward, there is another risk I assumed. It is still taking form as it works in reshaping me and my life. I won’t go into detail at this point. I want to. It is just not the time. But let’s just say that there is greater risk to contend with should I abandon this one I recently embraced.

I am not risk adverse.

Especially this version.