Tag Archives: life

So they can be giddy too.

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Daily writing prompt
What makes you nervous?
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Getting a better grasp on myself these days has been a blessing in more ways than one.

Nervousness was born of my tendency towards over-functioning. The need to be all for everyone at the expense of not only myself, but ultimately them as well. For if one has assumed the life role of being the “over” component, then those they are connected to may choose to be the “under”. Potentially harmful in both directions.

To be honest, part of what fuels me is the nervous energy that accompanies activity, demanding days, taking the first swing at something and venturing into uncharted territories. Maybe that is the breed of butterflies I have grown fond of, as alluded to in prior tomes. I guess I just enjoy that giddiness.

But as I have begun figuring out some of the personal mechanics that led me to the “over” side of the equation, I am now cognizant of those situations and able to quell the reflex action to function as such. Nothing like taking a step back and surveying the moment. There is another important facet of this healing process. Come to genuine terms with what happened and let what hasn’t arrive on its own terms. Just stay present. That is where you are meant to fully be.

Since the “fixing” veil has been lifted, I am now becoming aware of another way of looking at those situations. No longer is it about fixating on my nervousness about taking charge, but rather recognizing and embracing another’s nervousness, trepidation and woe about their own situation. Finding the means to become more sympathetically supportive. Developing a genuinely deeper empathy. And ultimately, providing them with the love they need to overcome their hurdles and obstacles, real or imagined.

I now see my vocation from a different perspective these days.

I thought I would never use this over employed jargon from business again for as long as I lived. Ranks right up there with KPI’s and “open the kimono”. I just broke out in hives thinking about it. Well, here goes. Pass the Neosporin.

Let’s just say, my paradigm shifted.

For life.

So as such, how I choose to spend my remaining time is going to as well. I may seek another field of play. Yet nothing to be nervous about whatsoever. Finally getting a glimmer of one’s purpose and following that path is meant to move one toward fulfillment. Bringing a long with it a giddiness to enjoy and savor.

For now, my focus will be on helping others in shifting theirs as well.

On their terms.

So they can be giddy too.

Until you did.

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Daily writing prompt
How do you unwind after a demanding day?
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I don’t think it is so much how you end it as you begin it, on that day.

Getting out over your skis the night, day or week before will only act to consume your energy, replacing it with anxiety. Looking back to not recall similar circumstances but to focus on your shortcomings “the last time”, will only serve as a distraction and the foundation for an excuse. Living in your frontal lobes or the back of your skull does not work.

Yet if you choose to view this supposed adversity coined “a demanding day” as an opportunity, then the only butterflies you may sense will be the breed of excitement and anticipation, not dread and doubt. They can charge your batteries like pre-game jitters. The “can’t wait to play” variety.

Presence is truly the one and only demand of such a day. Remaining fully in the moment asserts your talents and effort directly upon the task at hand. Miscues, mistakes and misconceptions can then be dealt in a fully positive and genuine matter.

But the moment you scale things backward to validate low esteem, prove this isn’t for you and provide the bedding for some well earned self pity, then of course, you will fall. Same thing applies for pressing forward past completion, in anticipation of controlling things that don’t even exist in this moment.

Being present is fertile ground for learning, adapting and growing into something you never considered but only imagined. Only then can one hundred percent of you be fully apportioned into this adventure. Doing so assures that there will be more of you to emerge from the challenge than you what you were going into it. Not one thing is wasted. All is consumed to feed to the finished product.

Not the results of the demanding day.

But how it resulted in you.

There was a phrase I used to share on the field with the team that says it in a far more succinct fashion:

“Things don’t happen to you. You happen to them.”

That being so, they will need the time to unwind, because you were on them all day. That should certainly bring a smile and pause to be able to look back at it in that fashion. Where you began and how you chose to finish it.

They all thought they were gonna happen.

Until you did.

It’s all in the eyes.

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Daily writing prompt
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
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Well, I think I am already on the way.

Dad, guessing at about my age today.

Me.

Got the goatee goin’, can’t say the same for the hair.

Ten years from now?

Well, first off, I am starting to get that sense for taking more of all of it in, like he did. Its like a recalibration of sorts. Very subtle in nature. He was a guiet, old soul. Spoke only when warranted and needed. Quietly acted on others needs. Dynamics being what they were, I allowed them to assume control and didn’t expend the effort needed to know him better. A very tough lesson to come to grips with at this time in my life.

There are others too, their origins now becoming more apparent. No point in resentment or excessive rumination. Awareness, understanding and acceptance will suffice. Nothing to be excised, that just isn’t possible. They can just take solace and company with the slides, college papers and photos in the storage bins in the basement.

Now I can make the most of this moment and today. And as I surmised on my delinquently posted prompt from yesterday, I intend to fully engage in this again if given another tomorrow. There is so much to “be” right now, I can’t waste it by looking ahead. Or allow anything from before misshape and misconstrue today.

He is emitting this wonderful sense in his picture. “Vibe” doesn’t do a man from his time justice. Let’s say energy. Maybe there is a better term. His posture and eyes go together. All natural. Like “I got this”.

Mine?

You can see it was posed. Some rigor mortis. Not there yet. Remains a work in progress.

But I am ok with that. Things are coming around. Maybe it takes another ten years. A couple more after that ? Perhaps the timer goes off before hand. No clue. But however that transpires, I will keep working at it. My aim is to get to whereever he was in this picture in their kitchen.

There is a warmth despite being such a stoic. A sense of acceptance. True peace and serenity there, all for the sharing. I think towards the end, he found that his life was not only good. But right there, it is good.

You can just tell.

It’s all in the eyes.

Connecting with everyone I can.

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Daily writing prompt
What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?
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Well, waking up each morning is certainly dandy.

I will continue to appreciate that gift for as long as I am able and given it. No matter the current state of mind, body or soul, just getting to do that is a great start. Then, you get to make the most of it after that. And if things work out, you will get another.

Once I get things situated so my best friend has all she needs to teach and lead for the day, I get to head to church for communion service or mass. An opportunity to just sit and take in all I have been gifted, with an attitude of gratitude. Gather in a sense of belonging to something much bigger than myself with all those around me. Talk about happiness.

Through my vocation, I get to engage happiness in many forms It might be I n the form of job development for individuals with diverse abilities. Coaching basketball and power lifting for Special Olympics provides a limitless supply of happiness. Throw in some football coaching in the fall, and then it comes at me from all directions.

Once her day is over, teaching is done, and mediation determines the menu, we get to make dinner together. We try all sorts of different dishes, whatever just so happens to be the flavor of the day. These recipes are always two plus servings worthy, and great eaten cold, right out the fridge the next day or so. But the best part is that we can do it together. Mingle in some dancing and that takes happiness to the next level, joy.

Lastly, the interaction which guarantees pure joy, is being able to connect with my kids and grand kids. We might get a group text for a movie or game that lasts through the night. the latest video of Cal taking steps, Molly laughing or Amelia running with the football. Might just be catching up some afternoon at home, over dinner, on a walk or simply talking on the phone. Any way we do it and go brings this one joy.

So if you take a step back and take a second glance, you will find that ach of these examples are contingent on one main ingredient. The source of all happiness and the pure joy which follows.

Connection.

Sure, there might be an aspect of these examples that can bring me happiness just because I get to do them. But if they do not involve another in some shape way or form, then where does that get you?

Does taking a walk alone or working out at PF lack connection? Not in my estimation. In the former, you are experiencing a neighborhood, house by house, yard by yard. At PF, there is eye contact, “are you using this?” or absorbing the energy of another in how they work out.

Even now, as I peer out the kitchen window and rap this out, what sense of happiness or joy would it provide if I merely added the last period, closed the Chromebook, turned off the mouse and put ’em in the drawer?

So that being said, what are the five everyday things that bring you happiness?

Connecting with everyone I can.

Albeit, post secondary.

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Daily writing prompt
Describe something you learned in high school.
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Huh.

Well, one thing I learned was there were teachers that care enough about their students to help them identify and address bullies. Mr. Meyers, thank you, rest in peace. I had to pretty much go solo in grade school, relying on flipping and sitting on them until they turned blue.

Then, standing up for myself in the cafeteria a year or so later, I was granted a three day sabbatical for pugilism. My American History teacher, Mr. Hilsabeck, wrote my parents a letter attesting to my character and that it was not like me to engage in that behavior.

My senior year on the field, my OL coach saw potential and let me grow fully into it as a starter for the remaining seven games. Coach Schreiner’s confidence in me offered a path to continue and play in college.

And somehow the writing seeds were planted. You know how that crop has turned out.

The best but toughest thing I learned in high school was the fact that others saw things in me then that I have been blind to for much of my life.

To be honest, looking back, a major contributing factor was the clique system there. As a 5′ x 5′ freshman, I was at the bottom of the food chain. Cannot recall what name was assigned to that, in addition to “frosh”. Nerd? Dork? No clue. But I had my group of friends and we had our fun.

Then when I sprouted six or seven inches over that summer, I jumped to the head of the class, and became a jock. Literally over night, went from being a “nothing” to “everything”. Well, at least according to the design, implementation and maintenance of the clique system.

Had I recognized this for what it was, excuse mon francais – bovine feces – perhaps I would have handled the high school experience a tad different. Then, I would have been much better prepared for college and beyond. Despite outward appearances that may suggest otherwise, it has been a slow motion train derailment ever since.

Back then, somehow I was me.

At least a portion.

But that part had to be unraveled so as to weave the fiction.

Listening is one part of the high school and life experience. However, therein lay the superficiality of the moment, the falsehoods of engaging in perpetual indescretion and granting ego massaging priority first and foremost.

But hearing what is genuinely being said, verbally or in written form, will forever remain. It just takes presence. Patience. and above all, trust.

That is what I have learned.

Albeit, post secondary.