Tag Archives: life

I am worth it.

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Daily writing prompt
What’s something most people don’t understand?
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I am not going to attempt to assign my seat on a pedestal by claiming to know this. I typically fly economy, no pajamas, if that is even a thing anymore. I cannot speak for or to others’ view on this. But I can speak for myself and share some of the many things I just don’t understand. Sorry friends, just doing what the prompt tells me to do.

So let’s just say this, I don’t understand the privileged titling process that allows certain individuals to disregard the posted speed limit, all traffic signals, maintaining safe space between vehicles and proper lane usage on the highway or anywhere.

Maybe this is something you buy on the internet? Some kind of rewards thingee, for being cool? A sticker for your car that tells the police they can drive like this? This whole driving schtick these days has me flummoxed. But I digress….

What I don’t understand is why I allowed others to assign my value, tell me my worth and define me. All this ever accomplished was creating an internal need for me to be everything, handle everything and do everything. Oh, and be graded on my performance. Been trying to figure that one out for some time now.

Not so much on how to handle it these days, I have put in the effort to give that a dirt nap. Now it is more so noticing the red flags, recognizing the situations and sensing the phrases or attitudes that do their best to create these wonderful scenarios.

My nature though is to take it several steps farther. Determine why it ever happened and when it first became my MO. I doubt this is something that comes from the factory, preinstalled like the heated seats and back-up boob tube. I believe it was learned. And why I learned it, and what that class was really about are things I need to understand

The car thing is out of my hands.

They aren’t worth fussing about.

The other is purely in mine..

I am worth it.

That is my goal.

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Daily writing prompt
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?
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Boundaries are a quandary for this guy.

Hence, “no” is harder for me to utter than supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. It would actually be fantastic or wonderful to decline more often than I accede. But alas, that is still a work in progress.

As far as its impact on goals are concerned, I think uttering “no” isn’t a goal protectant as much as it is a personal protectant.

In terms of striving for a goal, a firm “no” here and there could provide help for one to maintain intention, focus and momentum. If not possible, it’s been my experience that a set back here and there actually add to the end accomplishment. More intensity becomes the weapon of choice to get back in sync and finish. Plus, the accompanying zig-zags still produce valuable lessons and knowledge. Like matter, nothing is ever wasted. You just have to adapt to the changes in form.

As in the case of the goal, a personal protectant “no” issued from a point of self-honesty, -awareness and -love could very well add to what is yet to follow as well. Additional intensity in this case is not the requisite. Copious amounts of self-acceptance can help reset the tone. You still have an opportunity to learn, but now it can be absent the pressure to over-perform and represents a chance to remain fully in the moment,.

In terms of striving for, lets call it personal well being, a well placed “no” would actually halt a perceived obligation that you feel you need to keep giving “what you no longer have”, “are no longer able”, or that “you never could in the first place.”

If your intention is to maintain a modicum of peace and serenity in your life and soul, then “no” is a start. Despite the fact that something inside may press you to pack that word away permanently, it is not a sign of selfishness to stick up for yourself, know when the tank is depleted and simply say it. Then take five. Or ten.

It is very difficult for me to say those two letters together.

I wrote the book on boundary-less over-functioning. (lots of hyphens in this one. yikes!) Not sure how the compulsion began, where I found it or why I need to be that way. But it sure taught me some tough lessons. Bruises remain. But I am healing.

To frame it as I did regarding goals, saying “no” needs to be expressed when you finally just can’t. You can ultimately maintain intention, focus and momentum that carries you to bigger and better things not just for you, but for all.

So I can still be there for those that are in need.

But I have to be aware that mine are important too.

And keep it that way.

That is my goal.

Finally just me.

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Daily writing prompt
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?
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Honestly, I do not think this can really be considered a secret skill or ability. For me, it is akin to something more along the lines of self-honesty. Coinciding with that all elusive power, a better sense of self-awareness, more self-discipline and finally, some much needed self-love.

I think the latter three tend to nourish the former one. All four woven into one, becoming a constant source of health, acceptance and peace. Alas, for the most part, all are of more recent vintage. They seemed to have been missing for quite a while.

Because now that I look back at things, perhaps the original secret skill or ability was an altogether all encompassing pattern of self-deception.

If you go about things convinced you know what you are doing, you are right, and you really do not have to listen as much as you speak, well, that pretty much says it all. The only thing I actually lacked was a costume. A piece of garb I could jump into when my secret skills were in operation and out there for full display. That would have completed the charade.

Wait.

I was kidding about the uniform. Didn’t really need to change into something else to make that ability stand out and command attention. It was already fairly evident. Come to think of it, a cloaking device would have been handy. Some method I could employ to actually hide from my innate ability to employ them on a daily basis. Just wonder why I never saw what I am sure was obvious to those around me.

Hence the need for better self-awareness. But I digress….

There is a serenity and peace to be found in intentionally engaging in self-honesty. Opens all sorts of doors that had been nailed and/or bolted shut pretty much through out my existence. If you actually acknowledge self-honesty as a valued character trait in lieu of a mortal combatant, the awareness follows.

Guarded by discpline.

All nourished by some genuine love for one-self.

What blankets you then is a protective sense that you are worthy and valued just as you are becoming. Talk about serenity and peace. Man. If there is a secret ability, then that is what I found to be the one for me.

I can just be.

Nothing secret.

Finally, just me.

But to actually live it. 

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“The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.”

― J.M. Barrie

If life is our diary as Mr. Barrie suggests, then we can choose to fill the pages with the fictional dreams we intended to create, or, share with others a life of non-fiction we made bound by our true intention.  

My sincere apologies if this sounds like an either or proposition.  

We all live in our heads at times, wishing and dreaming for what is yet to be. Desire and commitment can be key influencers in this process.  Depicting the wanted end to a schematic that can be amended in all fashions depending on the day, the outcome of the prior or the latest attraction of distraction.  I have travelled this same road over and over. Seems to always lead me back to where I started, but now with far less time to get to where it is that  I ultimately want to be. 

Fiction broadens the view somewhat, but needs to be genuinely partnered to its non-fiction sibling.  

There has to be a path extending beyond the mind incorporating word and deed  – and others important to us – so that work can be truly engaged and progress honestly made.  That may be what Mr. Barrie is alluding to. 

We intend one thing, but come up short on the intention needed to finish the story.  As such,  the chapters never quite mesh.  Our diary becomes a run-on. 

The fiction we see is not allowed to become the non-fiction we do.  Remaining in the ether, it never assumes the mass of reality.

Though it may not be what we intended, we must somehow find our way to live with intention. 

Not just to write our story.

But to actually live it. 

And the first two don’t count.

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Daily writing prompt
Who was your most influential teacher? Why?
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I don’t think I had a one.

There were many that came and went over the span of my life as it goes today. Some arriving just in the nick of time bringing with them some element of saving grace. Others, there in background, being that steady, ongoing and inspiring font of wisdom and love.

Some teachers may tend to inhabit the workplace, a gym, football programs, home, the store, gas station or church. That is just to name a few. Teachers can choose to occupy a great many spaces. I just don’t think they are confined to one place or moment because of a noun. The only restriction that has any bearing on their presence is solely determined by the student.

Do you think you already know everything, so why be open to listening?

Or, are you always willing to learn because it can be so fulfilling?

Though there are lingering and painful aspects of me to be found in the former, I tend to be wooed more to the latter.

I desperately need engagement. So I do listen to all with an intent to learn, feel and experience what they offer and share. An opportunity for intention, connection, empathy, life. Perhaps that is why I follow my grandpa’s MO of “he knew no strangers.” Grandpa talked to everyone and anyone he happended upon like he knew them his whole life. He was on to something. This he taught me well.

But as I reflect deeper on this topic, while it may appear that moments such as these just happen, they do not. For there is no such thing as coincidence.

Like the person you meet and work with for a career. The friends you still have from playing ball in highschool and college. The pastor you meet at a local community organization. The young men you coached and still know. The fellowship you fell into where can open your heart and the folks that share “peace be with you” at morning mass. The ones at the store, gas station or down the block that simply smile and say “hello.”

Everything happens for a reason. And everyone was where they were meant to be, when they needed to be there. As much for me, as it was for them.

Now think about that.

As such, chance moments are referenced or labeled as coincidence, simply because we aren’t aware of the lesson plan. We don’t know what is about to be shared, why it is being shared, or how it will become learning. Just because this is how we might be taught, doesn’t mean it is lost on us or wasted time. We just have to attend to our studies. Put things together. And trust in these opportunities to grow.

If you can be fully present in each of these moments, there is so much to be learned. From the outside – in as well as from the inside – out. Nothing is ever wasted. It is an entity beholden to the same laws as matter. Things may just take on a different form. Perhaps it doesn’t match our current configuration or what think we know. But yet, it remains all the same. Patiently abiding its time to be summoned when we need it.

This is quite a lesson plan.

Built solely on unconditional love. We only need trust in the teacher.

And in my estimation, there is but one best suited for this level curriculum.

Give you three guesses.

And the first two don’t count.