Tag Archives: life

My wish.

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Daily writing prompt
What do you wish you could do more every day?
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I cannot honestly list anything that may fall into this category.

I am looking for volunteer opportunities to fill in gaps each week. One is already under way. Another will get closer next week. And still one more requires some on line and in person training. So that will be the last in the quiver for now.

This part of my life is truly a source of great joy and I look for ways to fit more of it into each twenty four hours. I love being able to share with all of you. A connection I never thought would be found and embraced. We are just getting to know one another, but there is no rush in that.

More involvement with my kids and grandkids is also an ongoing venture. Lunch with #2 this afternoon. Have a cute spring outfit to drop off for #3’s new daughter. She is growing like a weed. So I hope it will still fit.

It is somewhat ironic that today’s was “what do you wish you could do more every day.”

Ironic in the sense that I have been been engaging in some ongoing reflection about life in general. An integral aspect of my personal reclamation project. Combine it with the genuine discernment that accompanies the Lenten season, and this Jurassic vintage gray matter is firing away nonstop. Well, somewhat.

Reflection of late is not so much dwelling on or in things, as was common practice before, nor does it have anything to do with looking out over the skis for what is to come. It is more about finding the serenity in true honesty with oneself. Dispensing with the camo provided by the joint forces of ego and pride to see for once, and oddly enough, appreciate things for what they were. Let me tell you; truly an f’d up existence masquerading as some facade. Not sure pun to create for that yet. But when I do, you will be the first to know that pun.

Weird thing is, in no way do I wish to change any of it. Because somehow, it miraculously brought be to where I am today. I know how that happened and how it will remain and continue as such ad infinitum. The past had to happen the way it did so I could experience the present the way it is.

So to answer the prompt in a nut shell; live just like this.

For as long as I can.

My wish.

My new tattoo.

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Daily writing prompt
What tattoo do you want and where would you put it?
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The vocabularic duo of Merriam and Webster call it “a mark, figure, design, or word intentionally fixed or placed on the skin.” I think that one is the PG version. Farther down the list, you get “one that is composed of scar tissue intentionally created by cutting, abrading, or burning the skin.” Yikes. Not sure how you rate “burning the skin.”

Either way it seems that they make a statement about the wearer. That being said, I cannot say for sure what I would choose to broadcast something about myself whether through ink, a knife, abrasion or fire.

It does however bring to mind some of the tattoos I might have consented to apply to myself internally over the course of my life. Through poor choices, bad habits and unhealthy behaviors. Like ones of regret and remorse. Self-deceit, – resentment, – destruction and – hatred. Those big bright ones like EGO, PRIDE and some WRATH for good measure. SLOTH from a spiritual side too.

I am not suggesting that any of them are permanant by any means. Or that this is how I go about broadcasting some self pity for the world to partake. I just want to vent some, share alot of myself and promote a healing process. Not just mine, but for anyone else out there that is emblazoned with their own internal tattoos the same way.

I haven’t felt this confident in a very long time. Mostly because many of the things brought to light in the prior paragraphs are slowly – but surely – being defeated. I think that is why God invented prompts.

Ultimately, what it comes down to is that I chose to mark myself in a variety of ways and depths on the inside that have since become worn out. Both in their need and their welcome. It’s not like I can open up and apply a couple new layers of self forgiveness with a paint roller and attend to the deepest scars inside with a shot of Botox or three.

It is just part of a self healing process.

One that brings me great joy to undertake and understand. Through out the course of trying to figure it out, I kept a lot to myself. You can tell it is piled pretty deep inside. The stoic smile on my mug never lies. And pursing the lips like that helps keep it all within. Hidden from a potential, inadvertant broadcast.

So what was this one about?

Oh, yes, tattoos.

It would be fitting to find the one that captures the sense of self-forgiveness, -understanding, -confidence and -love that I am finally starting to feel. The ones I etched and drew on the inside long ago are all but faded out. Something truly different is starting to happen. There is a new artist in town. Soon, this stoic’s lips will no longer need to adhere to a strict pursing regimen.

That cramp is leaving the building.

I know you will never believe it.

But this may happen.

My new tattoo.

I sure didn’t.

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Daily writing prompt
What was the best compliment you’ve received?
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So just a little bit about me first.

Maybe I share the same boat with some of you. Pulling an oar of low or no self esteem. Little or no awareness of self worth or value. Throw in a modicum of shame to go along with it. Maintaining an unhealthy reliance on others to determine these for me, because after all, they know better than I. Right?

So when you go about things like that, life turns out pretty much circular if you can picture it. Until someone chooses to climb aboard, take up the one on the other side, and row along with you for a bit. New waters. Different view of the horizon. Testing endurance. Working together towards a shared vision. As one. Blessed to say the occupancy on my vessel has grown of late.

You probably can guess what patriarchal pun is destined to follow that last sentence.

To me, compliments take on a different form. They aren’t so much made up of just words. They go far deeper than that. I view them as intention. A truly authentic giving of one into another, residing in trust, compassion and honesty. Putting another’s value and worth on display through thought, word and deed. An intentional proclamation of what another truly means to those about them.

Sorry, getting a little windy out here.

So last night, at our pizza gathering for the basketball season, a young man literally ran across the gym and just about bent me in half with a jumping bear hug. I work with him twice a week as it is and we make things happen together. But he hugged me yesterday like he hadn’t seen me for years. Just because. No words were involved, but that was a compliment I will not soon forget.

Years ago, a pillar of youth sports in our community thought I should hop on board and help steer the football program for the families here. His faith in me and who he saw from afar complimented the person I was desperately searching to find. His compliment changed my life. And to this day, I remain a coach.

A young man asked that I might come to speak to his team in the hopes that they would figure out how to grow closer together in intention, trust, faith and fellowship. I am still giddy about that night and how I still feel about becoming a part of them.

And when she can, my best friend and partner employs her gift of creation to make the best recipes that are good for me for all of the right reasons. Just because.

Others around me just reach out because they have a spot open on their boat. And the circular journey they are on may be a perpetual revisitation to the shores of Depair, Worthlessness, Emptiness and Isolation. A trip I took. Places I know all too well. Destinations they do not deserve if I can help it.

Had I been able to see compliments in this fashion before, I would have taken them more to heart.

Having teammates that wanted me to be their captain, twice.

A business owner picking me out of the blue, literally off the street to represent his company.

A fellowship asking me to help lead.

Being able to have you read my thoughts.

And of late, finally hearing His voice tell me I am worthy and calling me to come aboard.

A compliment isn’t so much “hey, did you lose weight?” Or, “you look good in that car.”

I am coming to realize that they consist of very few or absolutely no words. They are gifts another gives you because you are truly worth it in their heart, mind and soul. They value the genuine connection that exists so they share themselves with you. They see who you truly are, even if you are blind to that view.

They want you in their boat. Or are more than happy to come aboard yours and pick up the one next to you.

Who ever thought wanting to row with another was such a fulfilling compliment.

I sure didn’t.

.

Together.

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About thirteen years ago, I started to carry a pail to football practice. At the time, it was meant to be a lesson for the kids. But ever since then, it has since become a poignant one for me. One about the essence of understanding, moving towards life and being open to true love. 

I shared a story about that pail with the players and parents in our community youth football program. How it held the most fertile soil around. Dark, rich, 100% Lemke Park dirt.  The finest in all of Mequon. How at one time, it had been home to bumper crops of corn, soybeans or perhaps even wheat. 

And as the lesson began to unfold, I shared how it had since grown into the best piece of grass in all of M-T. How even to this day, despite the goal posts, sleds and painted lines, it remained true to its original purpose; a farm. A place where some of the best young men and finest football players around are grown each year. 

I posited that since both grass and football players seem to grow so well on it, there had to be something about that dirt. I touched on its medicinal qualities.  How its composition acted as a salve for the pains and disappointments in life.  “A handful of that soil, when applied to where it hurts”, I said, “would make it all go away.” 

To “rub some dirt on it”, in football and life parlance. 

That tale was penned to buck them up, get them past their self-doubts, move them beyond discomfort, to take on challenging situations and help them overcome fear.  A motivational ploy to help them grow.  Like that dirt was to that old farm. Like football is to life.

But to one, the message resonated in an altogether different manner.  Though she read everything he’d written, this particular offering struck a different chord. This time, she “saw” something else.  Not just what was woven into those words.  But in the fabric of the one carrying that pail. 

She understood the lesson being taught. Its intention. How it was meant to promote growth.  But something at her core became focused on the one carrying the pail. And being that she happened to be made that way also, the connection was obvious.  The pail was part of her being too.

For her, it was not merely a prop. It spoke to her in a far more substantial way.  More than just “rub some dirt on it”. That pail was representative of what their  ultimate mission was to be.  Together. As one.

She  came to realize that he was just like her.  He shared in her life purpose. Vocation.  Yet in his own way.  And at some level, she simply wanted him to know that he was not alone in that.  In time, he began to see her.  To understand and appreciate that she was just like him.  

No longer would she be alone in pursuing her passion. And he now knows within his own core that same “something” she first sensed within hers.  Beyond what is merely woven into words.  But in the very fabric of his being. 

That she is within him. 

Ineinander. 

The seed of what has since become a life-long bond.

Gardeners both. 

Two fully intent on producing healthy, lasting, and abundant growth within one another.  

Within everyone they touch.  

And everywhere they go. 

Two that were always intended to carry that pail of dirt. 

Together.  

Just not for me.

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Daily writing prompt
You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike?
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I might consider taking a plane, train and automobile if I could pal around with Neal and Del along the way. Would definitely bring my own pillow.

After being on planes for business much of my professional life, doing that really wouldn’t float my boat. Then I would have to get pods and PJ’s and slippers. There is something appealing about trains, but it is like you are encased. You can see out, but not sure if they will let you roll the windows down. Same with a bus. Not on a track, but kinda like a train on wheels.

When I did have a choice for business travel, I would gravitate towards cars. Control of music and windows, take an exit to some place that looked intriguing, cold call around a desolate industrial park. Just kind of like a true adventure. Way more relaxed. With phones the way they are these days, you could talk to anyone anywhere as you made your way towards, I don’t know, Arcade, NY.

I do like the prospects of the bike however. Wonder if Google maps features a non-knucklehead route across the country. But then again, I don’t think I would want my phone on me. No music either. Just the sound of the wind, the warmth of the sun and the splat of the bugs on my face. Perhaps a puppy or two inspiring me to sprint from certain destruction on the pavement. That would truly be rejuvenating.

So to circumvent potential Road America drivers, maybe stick a rack on the car, take the bike to some wide open spaces, ride the day, then pack up and head off to the next adventure. For this old fart, that would be the way to go cross-country.

Sorry Neal.

Sorry Dell.

Upon further review.

Just not for me.