Tag: life

It has no peer.

Adversity may be defined mostly in terms of tangible situations or moments.  But its influence can be especially prevalent in far more subtle contexts.

Like peer pressure. 

To be identified as a potential member of a certain group and gain access to its inner sanctum might be viewed as an extremely important and noteworthy achievement for many people.  No matter one’s age. 

This venture might become so vital as a self-image and identity enhancement that making all the subsequent wrong choices are acceptable expenditures for the meager dividends expected to be earned. 

And the ensuing collateral damage?   Just part of the program. 

Rationalization can become an instinct stronger to one than that of survival. It has the power to transform the known black and white into gradients of reasonable gray. 

For once the quest for inclusion with those peers deemed “most worthy”  overrides doing what is right, judgement is the first thing to be cast aside. And as thoughts, words and finally deeds dissolve into this hue, one can justify, defend and vindicate just about anything. 

Undermining  your better nature. Ignoring what you know is right. 

Even surrendering  character. 

There isn’t  much contrast across the choices spectrum once you cross that threshold. Decisions tend to go only in one direction; from bad, to badder, to baddest. Rationalized as some of the necessary evils that come with  being “one of the boys or girls”.  

The curse that begets those bountiful “blessings of being in”.

Isn’t it strange how people who seemingly have the world by the tail can still feel the tug of the herd.  Despite the overwhelming value of their talents, an abundance of gifts and their inherent good nature, some “thing” seems to be missing.

Efforts at your addition with the approval from the herd, in reality can act as subtraction. A venture that can lead one to the pursuit of  shallow, short-sighted, and oftentimes risky behavior.  Creating a cavity within that only becomes deeper and grows ever wider the farther you get from your true self. 

A brand of adversity that can be a force all its own, speaking from experience. 

 For this form of pressure is one of a kind.

It has no peer.

Undefined Stock photos by Vecteezy

That of life.

I have long contended that football is the game of life.  Being a player, like all of you, I am familiar with the challenges, discomfort and anxiety that can come with it.  

The challenges of overcoming an opponent or task bigger than you think are. The discomfort that comes along with such a seemingly endless physical, mental and emotional effort whether it be practice or game.  And the anxiety that accompanies not knowing the exact outcome of your work, being unsure you are doing it exactly right, fearing you are not enough and God forbid, you make a mistake. 

Speaking from a common experience, if you play football, you are already living outside of your comfort zone.  In football terms being a resident of the O-Line, some of you are at the first level.  Others have moved towards the second.  Still fewer, the third.  And yet to be conquered, is the 4th level.  

On extremely rare occasions can one go from one to four.  That’s like a lottery ticket.  Perhaps you can get to level three from one, if things are just right.  But more often than not, you cannot skip steps, avoid work and wish your way into achievement.  You need to work your way up and through each one to reach level four.  The end zone.

You see, if you want to achieve the things you truly value and aspire to, you have to get used to being uncomfortable.  Not just in the fall.  But the year round.  You have to commit and fully invest in embracing that sense of being challenged, some sense of discomfort and the anxiety that may accompany being unsure what is going to happen.  

Again, speaking as a football player like you, living out of your comfort zone turns out to be the best place you can be.  It promotes growth, confidence, perseverance, faith  and a chance to become all you were meant to be.  Whether it is school, your first job, college or pursuing your passion, you cannot go from level one to four.  You must find work and make your way up that field, whatever it is.

Doing the things that ultimately take you to life’s end zone.  

So that being said, let me offer a challenge.  

For whatever reason, this one play causes a great deal of angst and worry.  Most likely because it doesn’t give you a definitive assignment like the other plays.  It just calls on you to all move towards the play as one, sealing off the LOS and moving to the second level. Vague I know.  But you run it to perfection against cans in practice.  But against bodies, you shrink, second guess and cringe about making a mistake.  

How about getting out of your comfort zone on this one?  

Better yet, get out of it for the whole game. 

Embrace the challenges, discomfort and anxiety.  I bet you will find that endzone more than a couple of times in those four quarters.  And when all is said and done, you will know that you gave it your all no matter what.  That in itself counts as a win.  

Stands to reason you could go 2-0 on Friday then. 

And keep the winning streak alive in the weeks, months and years to come if you learn the value of being uncomfortable. 

Think about it. 

As you work your way towards another end zone. 

That of life.

And make you sing.

I don’t watch a whole lot of TV, but I do find “The Voice” to be pretty good. At times,  the stories of the singers and their journey to follow their passion can be very compelling.  The coaches are good, solid people, excellent mentors and well equipped to support all sorts of talent that comes from everywhere and all walks of life. 

So the other night, we watched it for the first time this year and got to know a newer array of coaches this time around. Michael Buble remained as the veteran, and was joined by Reba McEntire and  Niall Horan. The fourth coach, Snoop Dogg, was an incredible addition to the team and truly something to behold.  Although it was the only episode I saw this season, and the first time I saw him ever, my sense was there was this captivating emotional connection between the four. 

Now aside from his music and business ventures, Snoop Dogg created a youth football league about 18 years ago to provide inner city kids an opportunity to participate in football and cheer.  The focus of the Snoop Youth Football League is developing the person, teaching them values of teamwork, good sportsmanship, discipline and self respect, while stressing the importance of academics. His program has enabled over 60,000 kids to participate since its inception. 

That night, in my view, Coach Dogg genuinely modeled every aspect of the words “man”, “father” and of course,  “coach”.  He was such a compassionate soul, a hugger.  And regardless of his part in the show’s selection process, he would make his way on stage to console and encourage a singer that fell short, or celebrate them and his fellow coaches for a job well done. 

At one point in the show, a young lady’s performance did not fare well and when it became obvious, she became quite emotional.  Snoop went up to her, offered a tissue or two, and in true coach fashion shared something I will never soon forget. 

Holding her with one arm, and with the other hand, his  thumb and forefinger in the shape of an “L”, he said something that truly resonated with me, and I am sure many others.  To paraphrase, showing her the “L” made by his fingers, Snoop said “this doesn’t mean loser or lose,  but rather, lesson.  So take this moment for what it truly is, a lesson. Learn from it, build on it, come back stronger and win.” 

Offering a perspective possessing this mass has an innate ability to change life in so many ways.  Every demanding, challenging and disappointing situation has within it opportunity, the potential for growth and achievement.  But only if you are open to seeing it in this fashion. 

For the only way you can become defined as the “L” by that single moment is if you choose to let it be so.  However, should you choose to look at it as a lesson, it then becomes an opportunity to learn and grow so you can become what you were intended to be. 

Witnessing  that interaction with her and hearing his words of wisdom that night clarified many things for me.  I bet for many others out there as well.  

While that show features truly genuine artists with a voice unlike any other, seeking to further pursue their passion for  music, what Snoop shared with the world last night speaks more so about life.  

Its lessons. 

How you should not only see them, but hear them.  

For they can truly become your song.  

And make you sing.

Or as part of the family.

“Family” is bandied about in various aspects and venues of life. It is especially conveyed as an corporate aspiration throughout the business world, as a way to promote community at schools of all levels and is especially prevalent in sports teams, just to name a few.

One thing I have noticed is that often times when the term is used, perhaps innocently and honestly at first glance, it seems that the key focal point of family is muddled. The table – that one common place you are called around to gather, collaborate, bond and love – can take on somewhat of a preset configuration. Maybe initially born of shape, but moreso how it tends to become organized and prioritized.

Whether by happenstance or design, it seems to gravitate towards being large and rectangular. Yet regardless of the origin, the configuration provides the “correct” setting for those that deem themselves apart. Those most worthy may elect to reign at the head of the table. Then, others so inclined, may array themselves strategically around the head, as second, third, fourth and so in, “in command”, honor, prestige or standing.

Things can get away from you if you lose sight of the true goal, becoming more an organizational, ruling setting than family in my estimation.

Throughout my time in football, I have noticed that the team huddle can too somehow begin to take on that shape, with certain players assuming a spot at the head – through their chosen thoughts, words and deeds. If not careful and grounded in the truth of the moment, ego and class become weapons to run roughshod over others. This creates separation not unity. And when those elders team up on the bully pulpit, others in that much larger family begin to shrink, retreat and hide away. What is meant to be an all inclusive, tightly woven circle morphs into some other obtuse geometry of disarray.

Not the way to be family.

With a truly familial mindset, shape neither creates nor reinforces misplaced values. What matters most is why you are being called, how it can become a lasting, loving and positive impact on all those gathered around it and what you can ultimately do and become to honor that family.

Perhaps it is a large rectangle because it merely fits the space available and the numbers enjoined. The huddle it meant to retain a shape conducive to shoulder to shoulder, arms entwined and eyes locked in common bond and purpose. Come to the think of it, despite it being a large “U”, the triclinium overcame its own challenges of shape and guest to bring together and create the most compelling family of all time.

You can choose to be defined by the shape of the space.

Or as part of the family.

A hero.

The times in which we find ourselves could be defined as uncharted, challenging and just downright complex.  An ever expanding array of perilous world events. Protest. Distrust. Separation. Isolation. Anger. Times in desperate need of heroes. 

Things that suddenly and seemingly appear as fact in the ether of the internet creating  anxiety, angst or anger;  in or unintentionally.  The stories one hears about from “so and so” via social media, snaps that lead to endless meaningless chats, obscure podcasts from an even more obscure expert or the truth thrice shared from the influencer du jour.  

But with some faith, discernment, perseverance and presence, the good in all of this can still be found. It is not that it is hidden, unavailable or too costly to pursue.  Just that it is human nature to see the negative first rather than investing, hunkering down, leaning into and embracing the positive that exists  within all of this adversity.

It is simply stunning to see the number of heroes that are being revealed each and every moment across the globe. 

Leaders of all births, upbringings and life experiences that  come to light every hour.  Strangers that are willing to leave it all out there for the one next to them with nary a regard for their own person. Regardless of social standing, responsibility or title,  men and women  are literally putting their lives on the line. For that person next to them, that person’s family, town, region, country and way of life.   

This just doesn’t happen. It is a mindset that is entirely born from within.  An entity that possesses a character, integrity, commitment and strength all its own. All of which is predicated, derives its sustenance from and thrives  on putting yourself aside and giving it all up for the guy or gal next to you.  Making it not about you. Just all about them. 

Give witness to what it is going on in the world and imagine its  impact here in your home town. Each of  you can be that kind of hero right here.  Not in an international way but in a local community sense.  You need not be recognized for it, command headlines or capture x number of views because of it. 

You just need to be it.

And do it. 

Then, trust that the rest of it will take care of itself.  

As one of many that aims to do so, please try to do the same. Leave it all out there to make it about them – not you. Overcoming oneself in the process.

Because in the end, this will be an action that not only helps to make them, but will transform you as well.   Losing yourself is actually a great path toward true awareness and self-discovery. In that can be found the bounty of recovery, purpose and a profound sense of joy.

So you can keep the mask and cape to yourself. They are not requisite for heroism. But those you love enough to help rescue will recognize that uniform immediately.

Since your soul has been clothed as such.

A hero.