Tag Archives: life

Or as part of the family.

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“Family” is bandied about in various aspects and venues of life. It is especially conveyed as an corporate aspiration throughout the business world, as a way to promote community at schools of all levels and is especially prevalent in sports teams, just to name a few.

One thing I have noticed is that often times when the term is used, perhaps innocently and honestly at first glance, it seems that the key focal point of family is muddled. The table – that one common place you are called around to gather, collaborate, bond and love – can take on somewhat of a preset configuration. Maybe initially born of shape, but moreso how it tends to become organized and prioritized.

Whether by happenstance or design, it seems to gravitate towards being large and rectangular. Yet regardless of the origin, the configuration provides the “correct” setting for those that deem themselves apart. Those most worthy may elect to reign at the head of the table. Then, others so inclined, may array themselves strategically around the head, as second, third, fourth and so in, “in command”, honor, prestige or standing.

Things can get away from you if you lose sight of the true goal, becoming more an organizational, ruling setting than family in my estimation.

Throughout my time in football, I have noticed that the team huddle can too somehow begin to take on that shape, with certain players assuming a spot at the head – through their chosen thoughts, words and deeds. If not careful and grounded in the truth of the moment, ego and class become weapons to run roughshod over others. This creates separation not unity. And when those elders team up on the bully pulpit, others in that much larger family begin to shrink, retreat and hide away. What is meant to be an all inclusive, tightly woven circle morphs into some other obtuse geometry of disarray.

Not the way to be family.

With a truly familial mindset, shape neither creates nor reinforces misplaced values. What matters most is why you are being called, how it can become a lasting, loving and positive impact on all those gathered around it and what you can ultimately do and become to honor that family.

Perhaps it is a large rectangle because it merely fits the space available and the numbers enjoined. The huddle it meant to retain a shape conducive to shoulder to shoulder, arms entwined and eyes locked in common bond and purpose. Come to the think of it, despite it being a large “U”, the triclinium overcame its own challenges of shape and guest to bring together and create the most compelling family of all time.

You can choose to be defined by the shape of the space.

Or as part of the family.

A hero.

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The times in which we find ourselves could be defined as uncharted, challenging and just downright complex.  An ever expanding array of perilous world events. Protest. Distrust. Separation. Isolation. Anger. Times in desperate need of heroes. 

Things that suddenly and seemingly appear as fact in the ether of the internet creating  anxiety, angst or anger;  in or unintentionally.  The stories one hears about from “so and so” via social media, snaps that lead to endless meaningless chats, obscure podcasts from an even more obscure expert or the truth thrice shared from the influencer du jour.  

But with some faith, discernment, perseverance and presence, the good in all of this can still be found. It is not that it is hidden, unavailable or too costly to pursue.  Just that it is human nature to see the negative first rather than investing, hunkering down, leaning into and embracing the positive that exists  within all of this adversity.

It is simply stunning to see the number of heroes that are being revealed each and every moment across the globe. 

Leaders of all births, upbringings and life experiences that  come to light every hour.  Strangers that are willing to leave it all out there for the one next to them with nary a regard for their own person. Regardless of social standing, responsibility or title,  men and women  are literally putting their lives on the line. For that person next to them, that person’s family, town, region, country and way of life.   

This just doesn’t happen. It is a mindset that is entirely born from within.  An entity that possesses a character, integrity, commitment and strength all its own. All of which is predicated, derives its sustenance from and thrives  on putting yourself aside and giving it all up for the guy or gal next to you.  Making it not about you. Just all about them. 

Give witness to what it is going on in the world and imagine its  impact here in your home town. Each of  you can be that kind of hero right here.  Not in an international way but in a local community sense.  You need not be recognized for it, command headlines or capture x number of views because of it. 

You just need to be it.

And do it. 

Then, trust that the rest of it will take care of itself.  

As one of many that aims to do so, please try to do the same. Leave it all out there to make it about them – not you. Overcoming oneself in the process.

Because in the end, this will be an action that not only helps to make them, but will transform you as well.   Losing yourself is actually a great path toward true awareness and self-discovery. In that can be found the bounty of recovery, purpose and a profound sense of joy.

So you can keep the mask and cape to yourself. They are not requisite for heroism. But those you love enough to help rescue will recognize that uniform immediately.

Since your soul has been clothed as such.

A hero.

…as it is meant to be.

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“The logic of worldly success rests on a fallacy: the strange error that our perfection depends on the thoughts and opinions and applause of other men! A weird life it is, indeed, to be living always in somebody else’s imagination, as if that were the only place in which one could at last become real!”
― Thomas Merton, The Seven Storey Mountain

Funny how thoughts initially shared seventy some years ago have a stinging revelance even today. Even more comical that I chose to employ this mode of sharing it with you all. Perhaps in the hope of attaining opinion and applause. But I digress…

Speaking as one who knows well of the cunning nature of social media, it is stunning that he phrased this the way he did so long ago. Perhaps back then, a similar quest for “perfection” was driven through the papers and radio.

A weird life it is.

Attempting to live always in another’s imagination. As if that were the only place one could become real.

Now I came to be roughly a decade after this was written. And to be honest, I do like to share my thoughts and myself via this mode of interaction. Perhaps I need to engage in some discernment regarding the imagination and becoming real aspects of his insights.

But then again, whether it be business or personal, an actual conversation is the best way to achieve and maintain that sense of reality. Even better? Grab a cup of Joe and sit face to face. Take a walk together. Sit in a park and talk. But there I go showing my age.

Don’t get me wrong, stimulating the imagination is a great thing. Potentially a truly genuine source of inspiration, aspiration even affirmation in some sense. Yet in some way, we need to close the gap, reduce the space and make us all less remote to one another.

That way we can be truly present.

Really there.

And totally real.

Not so much a weird life.

Just life as it is meant to be.

Awake.

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“I cannot be awake, for nothing looks to me as it did before, or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has been a mean sleep.”

― Walt Whitman

Well put Mr. Whitman. 

Especially that state  you describe as “a mean sleep.”

I believe that we all tend to share a common bunk at one time or another in our lives.  Where we only see life from one side.  Tearing ourselves down but neglecting  to enjoin in a rebuilding process.  Hearing only the negative, construing honest interactions as disparaging, disregarding the  true affirmations born of love and tucking away all of what we are made to be so we can  return back to our mean sleep.  

Though it entirely contradicts common sense, there is this misperception of comfort to be found under that stifling blanket, albeit unhealthy.  Covered by bad habits, we choose to remain.  It is known territory.  Nothing comes unexpected.  We convince ourselves it is all as it should be.  Because simply “it is what it is.”

Well there is another side of that bed.  

Might appear to be cold and dark at first glance.  But if we give it a chance,  we  will sense  a warm and inviting light over there.  Perhaps our  eyes, ears, head and heart need to get used to the difference present in that glow.  But  when we roll over and  throw off those stifling covers, we  begin to hear things in another voice. 

Through the light finally penetrating the glass, we can now perceive  it as  becoming half full. Glimmers of positivity radiate within conversations.  Others’ shared expressions of what they see in us bathe us in a warmth we  have longed to know for what seemed an eternity. And as our focus sharpens, that figure now facing us  is the one we have always known ourselves  to be.  

Though nothing may look to us like it ever did before, there can be  a first time for everything.  In a way, that is how an epiphany works.  

And finally being awake like this, for the first time,  brings us great rest, peace and joy.

For nothing looks like it did before.

Hath no cares.

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The resolved mind hath no cares. 

George Herbert (1593-1632) British poet. 

This isn’t to say that one should proceed without due diligence and your head up once you are resolved to a course of action. Rather, being resolved brings with it a sense of independence from the limitations and clutter imposed by indecision, waffling and second guessing. There be “no cares” in that you know where you are going, and how you are getting there. 

And nothing will sway you away from that course.

So make it your mission, to not only discover something special each day, but also to rediscover something special within yourself as well. Two things that are only made possible if you are fully present and seize the moment. With both hands. 

When you let go, and then go “all in” your resolve  releases this exquisite level of energy. You set the tone, creating this powerful brand of momentum. One just made for overcoming the inertia of the day. Loosening its grip. Making it relent. And surrendering to your will. 

As your hold on these moments increases, new possibilities emerge. Opportunities once hidden now become visible.   As you proceed fully present and seize each day, you will be actively molding the future. Your future. For what you resolve to make of the present will eventually determine what is yet to come.  

Think about it. 

There will be no ambiguity in what lies ahead. No gray areas. For the thoughts, words and deeds you are choosing at this very moment help to shape the very next. Always in motion is the future. Your future. Its direction is largely your call. 

With resolve, be fully present. 

Let go. 

All in. 

Seize the moment.

Create your future. 

With resolve. 

Hath no cares.