My mom’s father, Grandpa Cordts, “knew no strangers”. Whenever I was with him out in public, at the store, getting gas, buying worms or playing putt-putt, everyone within sight and sound seemed to know him.
That isn’t to say that he or they did. It is just that EVERYONE he encountered each day, no matter the circumstance, investment or need was approached as a friend. Someone that went way back. The one in the back row of the picture. A compatriot.
Was not aware of it then, but as I go about daily life now, how he went about life left an impression on me. As it stands, I don’t know any strangers either.
And when you go about it in that fashion, you cannot believe what you learn.
Once they recognize that they can just be open, all sorts of things flow out. Not that they are meant to be sewed all over. Just that they want me to hear and know it. Shared as a friend. With trust and an understanding that it was in some sense collaborative, restorative and affirmative.
And is ain’t all one sided. You share as well. In an equally genuine fashion. Maybe you only see them the next week, month or year. Perhaps never again. But they did. You did.
And it was something.
Maybe substantial in certain situations. Maybe just the spur of the moment.
But again, if you think about it, not really ordinary. In all actuality, those chance moments become special. Not because they were designed that way. But simply because they were.
Unordinary.
Like them.
And what we – and they – chose to make that encounter to be.
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised.
But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” ― C.S. Lewis,
I think for the most part He might be past the ‘getting the drains right and stopping the leaks’ phase of the renovation.
But then again, maybe not.
I get the impression that He is not going to be satisfied with only one new wing. And an extra floor. There is still an abundance of work that is going on inside of me.
To be honest, I am not always able to appreciate why certain things have had to happen, are still happening and have yet to happen. But as time passes, I am letting go. Learning to trust. Accepting that it is all part of His plan for me. And embracing an attitude of gratitude.
Perhaps some of you are where I am these days.
Being rebuilt too. Feeling that same kind of remodeling sensation.
Developing an awareness of an intentional, internal renovation.
For certain, this is an ongoing process that can leave clutter. Scatter your focus. Misplace some of your trusted tools and talents. And unsettle your demeanor.
For the most part, I am “ok” with all of this.
Not “ok” like, “whatever”. Far from that.
But “ok” as in I am getting used to it. Still. Learning more than I ever imagined. Growing into this relationship. Beginning to get a glimmer of what I might look like once this phase of the project is completed. And wondering who I will become once He finishes.
But I do have to confess.
From time to time, and more often than I care to admit, this renovation process totally stresses me out.
It starts out as a simmering anxiety. Soon, I feel the fear begin to well up inside. And then, for no apparent reason, it just spews out in all directions. As hurt. A bruised ego. Selfish pride. Diminished self.
Anger.
Sometimes the venting is directed at all the innocents around me. Other times, unmercifully towards myself in destructive thoughts, words and deeds.
And, finally, I train my aim on Him.
But as anyone should do when they have a disagreement with their best friend, I speak my piece.
Not just when I hit my knees.
But to or from work. Cutting the grass. Watching the sun come up. Or during a walk. Places and times where it can be just He and I.
Before I even get there, he already sees the simmering anxiety. Senses my fears. And weathers the anger. Taking the worst I can offer. No matter what.
He listens.
Helps.
And always comes back for more.
Little by little, with great effort, patience and faith, I am trying my best to get past the self-generated drama and self-aggrandizing behaviors that I allow to become a part of this venture.
And foist upon others.
While those around me may beg to differ,I never think I have all of the answers.
But I do think I have earned some wisdom to share throughout His renovation process.
I better understand what He wants it all to look like.
And despite the mess, it absolutely feels like home to me.
So since He holds the permit, I will be content to let the master builder do His work.
Because after all, the body was meant to be a temple.
To epitomize attitude is often easier said than thought, understood and applied.
But attitude truly is everything.
In the right hands, a coach, mentor or leader can make attitude a powerful weapon of mass instruction. Instilling in others an awareness of its impact and how it can promote achievement and success. How it ripples ever outward. And ultimately, creates unanticipated growth.
Of all the things that we seek to control and temper throughout the course of our daily lives, attitude tends to be the one thing that is overlooked or taken for granted. Perhaps because it often requires more effort and perseverance than was ever anticipated. After all, it is not something that can be held, defined or KPI’d. It is only just attitude.
But then again, attitude is EVERYTHING. It alone belongs to and answers to us. It is a personal, business and life changer. If we can fully recognize and honor that.
However, more often than not, we choose to cede our authority to it. The wrong one. Allowing it to run rough-shod over us and others when we allow it. Attitude alone has the ability to transform any adversity into opportunity. Attitude provides one with the proper perspective regardless of the severity of the situation. It is our ally when we understand its goal. Enemy when we do not.
Attitude – good or bad – can go viral. It can become a highly contagious element. For good. And, for bad.
You must be willing and able to become the relentless source of a positive attitude for all. Not just for you. But for all.
And then?
Be willing to administer the vaccine should all negativity happen to turn it into a bad infection.
“If you can’t live through adversity, you’ll never be good at what you do. You have to live through the unfair things, and you have to develop the hide to not let it bother you and keep your eyes focused on what you have to do.”
— Maurice “Hank” Greenberg
I will go one step further.
It is simply not enough to live through adversity, to choose a path of tolerant coexistence and acceptance. Instead, you have to learn how to embrace another tack, and go far beyond just leaning into it.
You have to figure out how to thrive in it. Because if you are living right, adversity ain’t ever gonna be a “one and done” thing. “If” that something just happens to happen.
Adversity will then always be a “when” event.
That is for certain.
Because if you consistently push out beyond your personal envelope of safety and constantly venture out beyond the confines of comfort, you will be creating guarantors that produce more than your fair share of adversity. The “when” will then always be the operative word to describe the frequency of adversity’s presence in all of your endeavors.
So perhaps at first, leaning directly into an increasing array of challenges isn’t always possible or prudent. After all, they are new surroundings. And this is an acquired taste.
But in time, you will learn to thrive in this environment. Not just in spite of it – but because of it. You will develop a rare sense of perspective. Become adept at recognizing the opportunity that is hidden within every trial and tribulation. And then, proceed to shine in spite of it.
I promise.
Sure a thicker hide will help absorb and deflect the punishment those moments are bound to deliver as Mr. Greenburg asserts.
But a stoutness of character paired with a resolute courage in your convictions will always help you to overcome just about anything.
And not just “if “ they do.
But when they present themselves.
Then, once that begins to happen, things will no longer happen to you.
“Gratitude is a “belief and conviction that serves as a constant reminder of what you have been given, where you came from and whose shoulders you are standing on now. “
It is more than a mere “thank you” and far deeper than simple appreciation.
Gratitude is the humble acknowledgement of the extraordinary role that others have played in getting you to this point in your life. A modest recognition of how their influence first got you started. Then pushed you to keep going. And continued to encourage you to achieve whatever it was you desired.
When it comes right down to it, gratitude is a way of being.
Thinking, speaking and acting in such a way as to honor how others intentionally gave you all they had to give, so you could achieve, excel and succeed. Gratis.
Gratitude is about developing a mindset that is rooted in humility. And coming to possess an “attitude of gratitude”.
So if you will, please indulge me for a moment.
Take a look back, reflect and think of all you have been freely “given”, gifted or entrusted with by others throughout your life. Not so much in terms of things. But rather the time. Talent. Wisdom. Support. And love. Now, this is an exercise that can be a staggering undertaking if you attempt an honest assessment of such a big picture.
So let’s just focus on one small aspect of our life. Perhaps it was as a player or coach. Something we all share in common.
You want to talk about blessings?
The opportunity to play at the youth, high school and college level. To learn to love that game from some great fathers, mothers, men, women, mentors and teammates. To receive the undying support of parents, siblings, extended family, friends, entire student bodies, communities and educational institutions. To be present in an environment where we can cultivate life-long friendships. To learn, accumulate and put into practice some of the most treasured lessons on life – from some of the greatest games ever invented. And simply just be a part of all of this.
Think about the distance we have all traveled.
Not just in a geographic sense. But mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Where all of us first started, where we are today and the path each of us intends to follow thereafter. Consider how far we have come as a person. Friend. Son. Student. Man.Woman. Athlete. Coach.
Now, never would I diminish anyone’s effort, intention, commitment or role throughout any of this.
But to be honest, where we are today isn’t so much just because of anything one of us did on our own. Rather, it all pretty much came down to what others thought of us. Saw within us. Believed in each of us. Entrusted to us. And yes, eventually, expected every single one of us to do. Because those individuals had so much faith in each one of us – first as players and then as coaches – our transformation became possible.
They pushed each of us in precisely the right manner. Challenged us to embrace the work, to make the commitment, aim our aspirations higher and achieve at a higher level than we ever imagined. They loved us enough to carry us on their shoulders. A vantage point that reveals a bigger picture. To help ensure that our present might match what they envisioned our future to someday be.
Even now, their all encompassing and enduring support remains. Taking us even farther and higher than ever dreamed. There is no way to repay their generosity. To compensate them for what they gave us in terms of their time, their effort, their support and unyielding faith. In a certain sense, we will forever be indebted to them. And yet, this was never a transaction, A quid pro quo. It was simply a gift. Freely given without condition. Strings or attachments.
So it is incumbent on each of us to acknowledge the extraordinary role that others have played in getting each of us to this point in our lives. Recognize how their influence got us started. How they pushed us to keep going. And continue to encourage all of us to achieve whatever it was we desired.
...my temporary assignment. 