Tag Archives: god

His focus.

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The various fonts of my ongoing amateur authorship affinity has carried with them a number of different monikers. Most of which were football or coaching affiliated and oriented.

One, once began some time ago, “…a temporary assignment” was somewhat a center of my attention, evocative of that moment in my life. A period of an altogether different level of processing and being. Unaware, or perhaps more honestly unprepared for the feces that would soon hit the fan. Directed for the most part by my inept, irrational and mostly intentional thoughts, words and actions.

So much for leading by example. But I digress….

As of late, things have been brought into focus. Not back into, for that would imply the way things were then needed to be better seen so as to promote my immediate return to them. I would hazard to say that focus has never been one of my strong suits. Well, perhaps it appeared as such, albeit superficially.

Perhaps.

Maybe that remains to be seen.

Of late, things are different. Largely because the direction of my gaze has changed. No longer am I trying to re-see where I was currently looking. Mostly behind. I think I better understand its relevance to this moment, but it no longer rules the day. Same can be said for what may or may not lay ahead. Though we may think other wise, there isn’t much say in that department.

Which this morning led me to better grasp “….my temporary assignment.” No where close to the first or second iteration. Hopefully what is said about the third time has merit and veracity.

Today is what I have. And what I choose to do with it is an assignment of the utmost importance. Tasks that have been granted by a grace freely given. Delivered by the thoughts now received, the words readily heard and the actions witnessed.

Nothing to do with bringing things back into focus. Just being able to finally really see.

His focus.

But I digress…

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A very compelling question to begin the day.

There are a number of those that have cast an impression upon me, in their way, ultimately soliciting a positive outcome in my life. Some are instantaneous in nature, sort of a spontaneous combustion event. While there are those that were merely planted, left and took months, years or decades to germinate and come to fruition.

Moments, interactions and relationships can assume an identity all their own, playing out a role that may not be readily apparent. There are those that bring with them an open and genuine level of honesty and positivity. Meant for one’s immediate care and benefit. Delivered with complete integrity, humility and a love born of servanthood to all those in need.

The impact of those interactions are immediately apparent. And I can name many that were there in that fashion, precisely when I desperately needed it.

One in particular was so in tune with my wellbeing, that he somehow called me, out of the blue, precisely during one of my worst moments, simply because he wanted me to know that he was there for me. No matter what. To this day, I remain touched by this level of loving care. The fact that I just shared this event with all of you brings tears to my eyes, despite the fact it happened well over a decade ago.

Then, there are those lessons one encounters that begin more with a somewhat arbitrary sense of conviction and desire, because its “how I did it and it works, so you should do it too.” Born more of convention or convenience. Just because. And depending on the current circumstances in one’s life, one might be more apt to surrender a bit oneself to become like them. Join the clique. Be a member of the “team”.

At first, things may reap the rewards yearned for, creating a false sense of “I made it.” But as the cost to your true being is accounted for, things slip away and you can descend into realms that taint, harm and destroy. There might be ways to assuage this sense of loss and losing recognition of who it is you were to start. But ultimately, it becomes a lesson of redemption and rebirth. An interaction that cast a cloud of negativity over you and your life. But ultimately, in the final analysis, led you to where you were meant to be.

Just as I am indebted to those who have touched my soul in ways I never imagined, I too am grateful that others have led me to tough lessons in self realization and affirmation. Perhaps they were never intended to be how I accepted them. But despite the negative origins, they too became a positive and lasting influence on me. And to those men, I am also grateful for being a part of my journey.

I tend to digress once pen is in hand. But with regard to the basis of the prompt, “describe a man who has positively impacted your life”, without a doubt, he would be Him. God.

It was He that suggested that many fellow coach should call precisely when I needed to hear his voice and feel his love. And it was He that allowed me to exercise my free will, albeit poor in execution, while remaining right next to me as I rebuilt and found my true way forward in life. He brought all those other men in and out of my life, when they were needed, then not, so that I could finally find this man.

The one sharing this prompt on one of the best days ever.

According to His plan.

But I digress…

A gift that keeps on giving.

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This can be a challenging season for many. Though it is intended to be a celebration of anticipation, affirmation and arrival, ones focus might happen to remain fixed on regrets, sorrow and loneliness.

A desperately needed gift for some may be well within one’s reach. Something that cannot be left at the front door or scanned into some account. It can be returned, but not as you would expect. And yet, it is celebratory in form. Given through presence.

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”
― John Joseph Powell

It could occur in passing in a store, in a line at the counter. A party with neighbors or coworkers to enjoin in the festivities of the season. A chance meeting of an old friend in a parking lot or local coffee shop. Those that are forlornly seeking a mere glimpse of their inherent beauty and worth, can come to find it in your face, expression and genuine warmth you exude.

A mirror has no sense of itself other than what it sees. And as we are not things, we do have a sense of ourselves in some measure. But being a mirror is not about how you feel. It is about reflecting another’s compassion and truth. Their worth and love. Entities that can somehow become hidden by self created and imposed filters. Shame. Rejection.

Your presence in those instances reveals to them images that cannot hide from reality. Things about themselves they need to witness.

So in anticipte and celebrate their arrival into your life, if but for only a moment. Affirm their true worth and singular beauty as a fellow human. Trumpet the good they will come to know in the time to come.

Reflecting what you truly see in them, brings out the best in you.

And they will then yearn to do the same for another.

A gift that keeps on giving.

“Meno.”

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I have found great joy in reading the gospel each morning in three different versions, emailed to me overnight. Each provides one with some key insights to ponder for the day to come and really gets those creative juices flowing. As you can probably tell. Presenting me with words I was kind of aware of, thought I understood, but really did not know from Adam.

Sorry. Helps sustain my humerous daddus affliction. But I digress…

This morning in the first reading  of 1 Maccabees 2:15-29, there was a retelling of the enforcement of a king’s apostasy and Mattathias’ reaction.

Akin to the mother and her seven sons and how they chose the after life in lieu of an affirmation of not only a false prophet but false view of life.

I went back to “apostasy” and discovered the origins, the Greek word “apostasia” meaning “defection, rebellion or abandonment”. Recalling my fondness for Etymology class with Mr. Paris in high school back in the 70’s, I went a little deeper. Who knew today would start with some archeology.

“Apostasia” is formed from a prefix “apo” meaning “away from” and the verb “histemi” meaning “to stand”. “Thus, the literal meaning is to stand away from”. 

Since this was first written long, long ago it has taken on a variety of meanings each of which are related to discarding ones faith. At this moment of of my personal reclamation project, however, I prefer to apply it from its original, literal meaning.

“To stand away from”.

My apostasia involves standing away from the ill conceived habits and thoughts that took me away from my true self. Beholding the notion that I had all of the answers and that I could do everything for everybody. Equipped with the double edged sword that is ego, I wounded humility for the sake of pride. All of which simply made me an island, surrounded by an ocean that ebbed with low self esteem and flowed with no forgiveness.

But as I have increasingly sacrificed the tenets of a choices poorly made and a life ill lived, a true fellowship beckons. One that called to the mother and seven sons. One that touched Mattathias and the multitudes of those that have followed. Removing me from a self-designed poverty and enriching me with an altogether serene and peaceful wholeness.

You may not realize it at first, but when you simply let go and stand away from what you were, you can genuinely become what you are meant to be.

My “apostasia” began with moving away from being alone as self-induced outcast. It has since evolved into allowing Him in and truly living.

“Meno”.

With him.

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Today’s reflection shared a story of a mother and her seven sons from the book of 2 Maccabees 7:1, 20-31. They were being tormented, tortured and murdered by Antiochus, one by one, one in front of the other, because they would not give themselves up to what he said they needed to be. Despite his vain offers of false glory, prestige, standing and power, to a person they deferred and accepted their end on earth so that they may live on in eternity.

I don’t think it is so much that I am looking for new meanings in things I hear or read. After spending much of my life headed in my direction, because I wanted to, of course because I am right and the rest of you can deal with it, let’s just say that my commanding, know it all inner Antiochus voice now has some truly loving company. Offering a more compelling way of living out my days.

When you hear things in that tone and tenor, it is like taking a deep breath, taking a step back, removing the “life vision goggles” and experiencing the moment as it truly is.

Wonderful.

That is, wonder-full.

The voice of Antiochus that had ruled my way of being and was intent on doing so for the rest of it has faded into the noise of the background. Another, that had been patiently waiting in the wings has resonated in my soul and spirit, in a symphony of love and understanding. It is that voice I now hear. One that has overcome the cacophony of selfishness, ego and self-righteousness.

So you can never really know when something totally life changing will occur. The latest one for me was today at about 7:29 AM, in the kitchen, watching the sun come up. With any luck, maybe there will be a return engagement later this morning, afternoon or tonight when the stars come out.

The Antiochus’ in your life may seem to be all powerful. But they consist of the things you really need not possess to fully live.

Tell him “no thank you”.

Embrace His voice.

Move towards life.

With Him.