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Finally just me.

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Daily writing prompt
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?
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Honestly, I do not think this can really be considered a secret skill or ability. For me, it is akin to something more along the lines of self-honesty. Coinciding with that all elusive power, a better sense of self-awareness, more self-discipline and finally, some much needed self-love.

I think the latter three tend to nourish the former one. All four woven into one, becoming a constant source of health, acceptance and peace. Alas, for the most part, all are of more recent vintage. They seemed to have been missing for quite a while.

Because now that I look back at things, perhaps the original secret skill or ability was an altogether all encompassing pattern of self-deception.

If you go about things convinced you know what you are doing, you are right, and you really do not have to listen as much as you speak, well, that pretty much says it all. The only thing I actually lacked was a costume. A piece of garb I could jump into when my secret skills were in operation and out there for full display. That would have completed the charade.

Wait.

I was kidding about the uniform. Didn’t really need to change into something else to make that ability stand out and command attention. It was already fairly evident. Come to think of it, a cloaking device would have been handy. Some method I could employ to actually hide from my innate ability to employ them on a daily basis. Just wonder why I never saw what I am sure was obvious to those around me.

Hence the need for better self-awareness. But I digress….

There is a serenity and peace to be found in intentionally engaging in self-honesty. Opens all sorts of doors that had been nailed and/or bolted shut pretty much through out my existence. If you actually acknowledge self-honesty as a valued character trait in lieu of a mortal combatant, the awareness follows.

Guarded by discpline.

All nourished by some genuine love for one-self.

What blankets you then is a protective sense that you are worthy and valued just as you are becoming. Talk about serenity and peace. Man. If there is a secret ability, then that is what I found to be the one for me.

I can just be.

Nothing secret.

Finally, just me.

But to actually live it. 

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“The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.”

― J.M. Barrie

If life is our diary as Mr. Barrie suggests, then we can choose to fill the pages with the fictional dreams we intended to create, or, share with others a life of non-fiction we made bound by our true intention.  

My sincere apologies if this sounds like an either or proposition.  

We all live in our heads at times, wishing and dreaming for what is yet to be. Desire and commitment can be key influencers in this process.  Depicting the wanted end to a schematic that can be amended in all fashions depending on the day, the outcome of the prior or the latest attraction of distraction.  I have travelled this same road over and over. Seems to always lead me back to where I started, but now with far less time to get to where it is that  I ultimately want to be. 

Fiction broadens the view somewhat, but needs to be genuinely partnered to its non-fiction sibling.  

There has to be a path extending beyond the mind incorporating word and deed  – and others important to us – so that work can be truly engaged and progress honestly made.  That may be what Mr. Barrie is alluding to. 

We intend one thing, but come up short on the intention needed to finish the story.  As such,  the chapters never quite mesh.  Our diary becomes a run-on. 

The fiction we see is not allowed to become the non-fiction we do.  Remaining in the ether, it never assumes the mass of reality.

Though it may not be what we intended, we must somehow find our way to live with intention. 

Not just to write our story.

But to actually live it. 

And the first two don’t count.

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Daily writing prompt
Who was your most influential teacher? Why?
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I don’t think I had a one.

There were many that came and went over the span of my life as it goes today. Some arriving just in the nick of time bringing with them some element of saving grace. Others, there in background, being that steady, ongoing and inspiring font of wisdom and love.

Some teachers may tend to inhabit the workplace, a gym, football programs, home, the store, gas station or church. That is just to name a few. Teachers can choose to occupy a great many spaces. I just don’t think they are confined to one place or moment because of a noun. The only restriction that has any bearing on their presence is solely determined by the student.

Do you think you already know everything, so why be open to listening?

Or, are you always willing to learn because it can be so fulfilling?

Though there are lingering and painful aspects of me to be found in the former, I tend to be wooed more to the latter.

I desperately need engagement. So I do listen to all with an intent to learn, feel and experience what they offer and share. An opportunity for intention, connection, empathy, life. Perhaps that is why I follow my grandpa’s MO of “he knew no strangers.” Grandpa talked to everyone and anyone he happended upon like he knew them his whole life. He was on to something. This he taught me well.

But as I reflect deeper on this topic, while it may appear that moments such as these just happen, they do not. For there is no such thing as coincidence.

Like the person you meet and work with for a career. The friends you still have from playing ball in highschool and college. The pastor you meet at a local community organization. The young men you coached and still know. The fellowship you fell into where can open your heart and the folks that share “peace be with you” at morning mass. The ones at the store, gas station or down the block that simply smile and say “hello.”

Everything happens for a reason. And everyone was where they were meant to be, when they needed to be there. As much for me, as it was for them.

Now think about that.

As such, chance moments are referenced or labeled as coincidence, simply because we aren’t aware of the lesson plan. We don’t know what is about to be shared, why it is being shared, or how it will become learning. Just because this is how we might be taught, doesn’t mean it is lost on us or wasted time. We just have to attend to our studies. Put things together. And trust in these opportunities to grow.

If you can be fully present in each of these moments, there is so much to be learned. From the outside – in as well as from the inside – out. Nothing is ever wasted. It is an entity beholden to the same laws as matter. Things may just take on a different form. Perhaps it doesn’t match our current configuration or what think we know. But yet, it remains all the same. Patiently abiding its time to be summoned when we need it.

This is quite a lesson plan.

Built solely on unconditional love. We only need trust in the teacher.

And in my estimation, there is but one best suited for this level curriculum.

Give you three guesses.

And the first two don’t count.

My wish.

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Daily writing prompt
What do you wish you could do more every day?
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I cannot honestly list anything that may fall into this category.

I am looking for volunteer opportunities to fill in gaps each week. One is already under way. Another will get closer next week. And still one more requires some on line and in person training. So that will be the last in the quiver for now.

This part of my life is truly a source of great joy and I look for ways to fit more of it into each twenty four hours. I love being able to share with all of you. A connection I never thought would be found and embraced. We are just getting to know one another, but there is no rush in that.

More involvement with my kids and grandkids is also an ongoing venture. Lunch with #2 this afternoon. Have a cute spring outfit to drop off for #3’s new daughter. She is growing like a weed. So I hope it will still fit.

It is somewhat ironic that today’s was “what do you wish you could do more every day.”

Ironic in the sense that I have been been engaging in some ongoing reflection about life in general. An integral aspect of my personal reclamation project. Combine it with the genuine discernment that accompanies the Lenten season, and this Jurassic vintage gray matter is firing away nonstop. Well, somewhat.

Reflection of late is not so much dwelling on or in things, as was common practice before, nor does it have anything to do with looking out over the skis for what is to come. It is more about finding the serenity in true honesty with oneself. Dispensing with the camo provided by the joint forces of ego and pride to see for once, and oddly enough, appreciate things for what they were. Let me tell you; truly an f’d up existence masquerading as some facade. Not sure pun to create for that yet. But when I do, you will be the first to know that pun.

Weird thing is, in no way do I wish to change any of it. Because somehow, it miraculously brought be to where I am today. I know how that happened and how it will remain and continue as such ad infinitum. The past had to happen the way it did so I could experience the present the way it is.

So to answer the prompt in a nut shell; live just like this.

For as long as I can.

My wish.

I sure didn’t.

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Daily writing prompt
What was the best compliment you’ve received?
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So just a little bit about me first.

Maybe I share the same boat with some of you. Pulling an oar of low or no self esteem. Little or no awareness of self worth or value. Throw in a modicum of shame to go along with it. Maintaining an unhealthy reliance on others to determine these for me, because after all, they know better than I. Right?

So when you go about things like that, life turns out pretty much circular if you can picture it. Until someone chooses to climb aboard, take up the one on the other side, and row along with you for a bit. New waters. Different view of the horizon. Testing endurance. Working together towards a shared vision. As one. Blessed to say the occupancy on my vessel has grown of late.

You probably can guess what patriarchal pun is destined to follow that last sentence.

To me, compliments take on a different form. They aren’t so much made up of just words. They go far deeper than that. I view them as intention. A truly authentic giving of one into another, residing in trust, compassion and honesty. Putting another’s value and worth on display through thought, word and deed. An intentional proclamation of what another truly means to those about them.

Sorry, getting a little windy out here.

So last night, at our pizza gathering for the basketball season, a young man literally ran across the gym and just about bent me in half with a jumping bear hug. I work with him twice a week as it is and we make things happen together. But he hugged me yesterday like he hadn’t seen me for years. Just because. No words were involved, but that was a compliment I will not soon forget.

Years ago, a pillar of youth sports in our community thought I should hop on board and help steer the football program for the families here. His faith in me and who he saw from afar complimented the person I was desperately searching to find. His compliment changed my life. And to this day, I remain a coach.

A young man asked that I might come to speak to his team in the hopes that they would figure out how to grow closer together in intention, trust, faith and fellowship. I am still giddy about that night and how I still feel about becoming a part of them.

And when she can, my best friend and partner employs her gift of creation to make the best recipes that are good for me for all of the right reasons. Just because.

Others around me just reach out because they have a spot open on their boat. And the circular journey they are on may be a perpetual revisitation to the shores of Depair, Worthlessness, Emptiness and Isolation. A trip I took. Places I know all too well. Destinations they do not deserve if I can help it.

Had I been able to see compliments in this fashion before, I would have taken them more to heart.

Having teammates that wanted me to be their captain, twice.

A business owner picking me out of the blue, literally off the street to represent his company.

A fellowship asking me to help lead.

Being able to have you read my thoughts.

And of late, finally hearing His voice tell me I am worthy and calling me to come aboard.

A compliment isn’t so much “hey, did you lose weight?” Or, “you look good in that car.”

I am coming to realize that they consist of very few or absolutely no words. They are gifts another gives you because you are truly worth it in their heart, mind and soul. They value the genuine connection that exists so they share themselves with you. They see who you truly are, even if you are blind to that view.

They want you in their boat. Or are more than happy to come aboard yours and pick up the one next to you.

Who ever thought wanting to row with another was such a fulfilling compliment.

I sure didn’t.

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